A homesick soul

Deuteronomy 28:66 God will give you a restless heart, longing eyes, a homesick soul. You will live in constant jeopardy, terrified of every shadow, never knowing what you'll meet around the next corner.

Moses is on the plain speaking to the Israelites; here he is describing what will happen if they fail to follow God and God's commandments. This struck me as a perfect description of what life is like without the foundation of faith, of God, at least what it was like for me and many others I meet. The restless heart is looking for rest in God, the eyes longing for a vision of God, the soul looking for a home. It is to be beset with fear and worry about the future, about what comes next – and goodness knows, even with faith it is easy to be taken over by fear. But fear and faith are mutually exclusive, they can’t occupy the same space. Where I have faith, fear does not enter; where fear takes over, faith is hard to find. That is why the practices of faith are so important.

Deuteronomy 28:9 God will form you as a holy people to Him, just as He promised you, if you keep the commandments of God, your God, and live the way He has shown you.

Here Moses is describing the blessings that will come as long as the Israelites remain faithful to God. And it is precisely in the practices of faith – prayer and meditation, reading scripture, service to others, being in community, and following the commandments to love God and our neighbor with all that we have and all that we are – that over time forms us into the holy likeness of God, a loving and compassionate presence toward all creation. Just as the water crashing on the rocks gradually softens their sharp angles and eventually pounds them into sand, so these practices slowly, gradually, inch by inch change us, mold us, open our hearts in compassion to the world around us. And therein lies true fulfillment. It is all preparation for the indwelling of the Holy Spirit which enables us to live out our calling. The paradox is that when I am truly emptied of myself, and filled only with God, then and only then do I become the fullness of all that I am and can be.

Prayer: Dear God, I thank you for the gift of Your practices, the call that invited me into this life and the many small and subtle ways You continue to form my heart. Let me know the joy of total surrender to Your will that I may fulfill the plan you have laid out for me. Amen.

No Moabite!

Deuteronomy 23:3 No Ammonite or Moabite is to enter the kingdom of God, even to the tenth generation, nor any of his children.

Here we have some of the Laws of Moses, spoken by him in his last sermon on the plain before entering the Promised Land. The message seems pretty clear. Just three books later, however, we have the book of Ruth, the story of a Moabite woman who does not just become part of the Israelite community, but also becomes the great grandmother to the greatest king in Israel’s history, King David. Is she the exception that proves the rule? What is going on here?

The Bible is full of just these kinds of contradictions. The Jewish tradition, as well as the Orthodox Christian tradition, finds it easy to hold conflicting and contradictory messages in one’s mind, which is why, when the Bible was assembled, no attempt was made to smooth out all these differences and make them agree. You can see the same spirit at work in the record of the four Gospels of the New Testament. We Western Christians, however, want everything tied down and clear; we want to get our instructions without confusion so we know exactly what to do. These kinds of contradictions tend to frustrate us: which one is it?

I wonder if that isn’t part of the Wisdom the Bible holds. Perhaps we can find God even in the confusion. Perhaps the point is that life is too complex to go through just applying a bunch of rules to every situation. Perhaps we are meant to struggle with the particulars in our lives, to struggle with the meaning of scripture, with how to discern God’s will in the circumstances in which we find ourselves. If I just apply the rules, without actually grappling with what is happening and praying for God’s guidance and intervention, how can I see when God is calling me into a new direction? If Peter hadn’t been open to new directions in Acts (Acts 10:9-29) none of us Gentiles would even be Christians.

Prayer: Dear God, Sometimes I want answers that are clear and easy; it’s hard to sit with the messiness and ambiguity of life. Help me remember that no matter how messy it gets you are there to guide me, and open my heart to discern your call. Amen.

Love him with all you've got

Deuteronomy 6:5 Love God, your God, with your whole heart; love him with all that’s in you; love him with all you’ve got.

I had a very difficult week-end, full of stress and the feeling that things had backslid terribly. I was feeling discouraged, depressed, hopeless, futile, anxious and despairing about my situation. Then this verse arrested me and made me think.

If I am really trying to do what is described here, is there room for anything else? If this is my plan for the day, all my anxieties fall into place; none of them is about this and yet this is what’s important. So can I let go of the circumstances that call forth despair and hopelessness and just focus on God and how I can love God with everything that I have and everything that I am? If I attend to God, perhaps I don’t need to attend to anything else.

So I asked myself, how will I love and worship God today? And the answer came: by caring for myself, caring for my partner and my family; by using gentleness and kindness instead of anger and judgment, compassion instead of hate, for myself as well as for others; by holding fast to my goal and God’s promise in the face of doubt and fear and lack of progress; by moving forward even when the pace is painfully slow; by rejoicing in all my blessings and working to manifest God’s peace and beauty in my physical surroundings; by loving life, creation and all whom I meet; by holding it all reverently, being present with it all using an open and compassionate heart; by being present; by being.

Prayer: Dear God, You fill my life with unending joy and peace if I can only stay open to You. Bring my attention to Your will for my life so that everything else sits in proper perspective to the overpowering awe of Your Presence. Amen.

Bring them here

Matthew 14:17-18 “All we have are five loaves of bread and two fish,” they said. Jesus said, “Bring them here.”

I know, I know, I am jumping around again, but in a sermon on Sunday I heard such a new take on this story, I had to share it. This is, of course, the famous feeding of the 5000 (men that is, more if you count the women and children). There are only five loaves and two fish, but everyone eats his or her fill, and there are 12 baskets of leftovers. It’s a miracle. But the preacher on Sunday said that if you only think of this as a miracle you’re missing the point. The point is to bring what you have to the table. It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t seem like enough; it will never be enough. It doesn’t matter if you don’t know exactly what to do with it, or how to use it, just bring it to the table, and let it be transformed by God, and watch what happens.

For some reason, this was a real aha moment for me. I spend a lot of time thinking and wondering about what I am doing with my life: is it what Jesus wants of me; what are the gifts I have to offer; what should I be doing with them; how should I be offering them. And this simple point seemed to cut through all that wondering and worrying, because none of that really matters. What I need to do is just to step up and offer them, bring them to the table, and let them do as little or as much as they can, and letting God do the rest. It seems to me it really delineates who’s responsible for what. I am responsible for offering. I can’t solve all the world’s problems; what I can do is offer. All the rest is up to God. Mother Theresa said it this way: “Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; give the best you've got anyway.”

This requires stepping forward not knowing what will happen, offering without a plan. That is scary. I’m used to figuring things out, having a plan, moving forward, monitoring the results, making adjustments, but all that is the way of the world, the way of self-sufficiency, of achievement, of “I am in charge”. The key that is so hard to keep remembering is that I am not in charge; everything is in God’s hands. I have no idea what God is going to do with what I offer, and in a funny kind of way, it’s not my business! That’s God’s business. I just need to offer and trust. This is the way of faith.

Prayer: Dear God, When I offer my gifts, I know I am still looking for results, to see the effects of my actions. Help me remember that You are in charge, give me the faith to trust that You will use my gifts to further Your plan, and teach me to be content with the offering, even if “nothing happens”. Amen

Life has gotten so busy, so it seems a good time to put up something I wrote some time ago. It has become such a necessity for my life, a weekly renewal of spirit, that I wanted to share it with you.

Exodus 20:8 Observe the Sabbath Day to keep it holy.

I thought it appropriate here to share with you my Sabbath practice. God set aside one day in the week for rest. We live in a 24/7 world. Many among us are working at demanding jobs – sometimes 2 or 3 – in an effort to take care of our families. Others just keep going 24/7 because we don’t know how to stop. The biggest health crisis in the country may be lack of rest, and the insatiable urges that are the result. Taking time each week to do nothing, but just rest in the Presence, could be the most important thing we can do for our health and wellbeing. At least, that’s what I decided was right for me.

I started by speaking to a couple of Jewish friends who observe Sabbath to find out what they do. Then I focused on what steps I could commit to. On Saturday evening at sundown I light 2 candles and say a short prayer. I turn off the TV, the computer, the radio and don’t answer the phone until Sunday evening. I try to refrain from any activity that invites me into achievement or accomplishment. Abraham Herschel, in his poetic meditation on The Sabbath, speaks of the kind of rest you have when there is nothing more to be done; it is all finished; that is the attitude I try to bring to my Sabbath time. Some Sundays all I do is go to church and sleep. On Monday morning, through, I usually find myself refreshed and ready to move forward again, spiritually recharged. Many people cannot set aside a whole day, but even an hour or two of quiet rest without expectations or distractions can reconnect you with Spirit.

So that is why I don’t blog on Sunday.

Prayer: Dear God, We live in a world that constantly calls us to do, and measures us by what or how well we do, when all You want from us is to Be Present. Teach us to stop and be still and rest in your Divine Arms, knowing that to come back to You is to come back to ourselves. Amen.