A key witness

Acts 22:15 You are to be a key witness to everyone you meet of what you've seen and heard.

I read this verse the same morning that I learned my aunt had had what appeared to be a severe stroke. She had had a stroke many months before, but the effects had turned out to be rather mild, and she had been coping well. Her convictions, however, remained the same: no extraordinary measures were to be taken to extend her life. At 91, she felt she had lived a long and fruitful life, and that health care dollars were better spent saving the lives of younger people. She had no taste for hospitals, and machines, and expensive treatments. So when she had that first stroke, and the family wasn't sure what was happening, they called 911 for guidance, and the ambulance came out to her house in rural New Hampshire. At that time, when the paramedics wanted to take her to the hospital, my cousin checked in again with his mother (she was able to minimally communicate) and confirming her intentions, that she didn't want to go to the hospital, he took the extraordinary step of sending the ambulance away. The family held vigil for several days, wondering when would be her last. Then she recovered.

It was a risky step. They say with strokes that early intervention can make the difference in terms of the severity of the stroke's effects. But J. held firm to her principles. She was a fiscal conservative, and she and I had many differences in our point of view. My brother once described her side of the family as "tea and hard toast people", a remnant of the hardscrabble life our ancestors pursued on the desolate moors of Scotland. She had many strong opinions, made no bones about them, and could argue her point forcefully; she wasn't always the easiest person to be around. Yet, when push came to shove, and it was her own mortality at stake, she didn't back down, she followed through on her beliefs fearlessly and steadfastly, right to the end.

My aunt was not a religious woman. I don't think there was much room for faith in her rational and practical world view. Still, she was not afraid of death, not afraid of the loss of ego that terrifies so many. The second stroke, which came on Mother's Day, paralyzed her on one side. Still, the family called for no intervention. She lingered for 10 days, the family supporting her choices, whether to eat or not, drink or not, and she passed away peacefully on May 19. In a world where so many hold principles only so long as it doesn't affect them personally, she never faltered at the moment of truth. In a culture rife with shameless hypocrisy, she remained true to her convictions even when they affected her at the most basic level. I stand as a witness to her principled courage in the face of every person's ultimate challenge: how do we face our death?

Prayer: Dear God, I am grateful for my aunt's presence in my life, and for the shining example she gave of courage in the face of death. She, who rarely surrendered in life, somehow had the wisdom to surrender in death. Be with her family as they learn to live without her physical presence, knowing that the living principles she imparted to them will be with them until their own ultimate surrender. Amen.

Everything we hold dear!

Acts 17:6 "These people are out to destroy the world, and now they've shown up on our doorstep, attacking everything we hold dear!"

Paul and his companions are being attacked by the Jews because they are threatened by his new ideas of how to live. They are different from the values, and the Judaism, that they are used to. Lest you think this is a problem with "Jews", Paul was attacked equally viciously by the Gentiles, whose own gods were also threatened by his ideas. They weren't threatened by a new "religion" -- there was no religion of Christianity yet. But Paul was preaching a message of repentance and new life, a new way of living authentically in the world that came from his encounter with Jesus on the Damascus road. This threatens everyone, because it undermines the pillars of self-serving, slavish tradition and the comfort of doing things in the same way we have always done them. Change is hard; change is scary, and people often react violently and hysterically when they are being invited to make change.

We can hear these voices in our society now, too. A lot of change is happening: our first non-white President, a terrible financial meltdown which is affecting the whole world, environmental changes that some call climate change and others dispute but which are already affecting the lives of people on disappearing islands in the Pacific. There are social changes as well, ways of living that were not even discussed when I was growing up which have become widely accepted. Whether these things are good or bad may be different for different people, but change happens whether we like it or not. I guess it is up to each of us to make our own decisions about what change to flow with and what change to resist, but the fact is that change is inevitable, it is always happening in incremental ways, we are just more likely to notice it when it feels like a sea-change, which is happening in our world today. The challenge is not to resist change simply out of fear. Faith calls us to live fearlessly into our Christian path. When we let fear decide what is good or bad, when we resist change simply because we fear it, we are not living up to our call.

Change is scary because it takes us out of our comfort zone, but comfort can also numb us and lull us into complacency. Stepping outside what feels comfortable can enliven us, can challenge us to rethink our faith and inspire us to new levels of transformation and commitment. Which of us can honestly say that we are truly living out our highest potential as Christ-followers? Change shakes things up a bit, helps us recalibrate our lives and invites us to a more vital and dynamic experience of life. Remember how fresh and new the world looks through a child's eyes? Change invites us forward into a new space of freshness, of vibrant experience, of not knowing what to expect and thus having to live every moment purely as it unfolds. Change is hard, but change always comes. It's up to us whether it shuts us down or opens us up to new life.

Prayer: Dear God, Let me not be ruled by fear. Help me to embrace the changes that inevitably transform my life and use them as tools to deepen and enliven my faith and my experience of authentic living. Amen.

Open-eyed, wide-eyed

Luke 24:31 At that moment, open-eyed, wide-eyed, they recognized him. And then he disappeared.

Do I recognize Jesus when he is standing right in front of me? The disciples were his closest friends, and all the way along the road to Emmaus, they talked and listened as he quoted scripture, explaining what had happened to him and why, helping them to understand. Yet they did not recognize him. It was at that moment of breaking of the bread, when Jesus blessed it as he had just a few nights before, for what they had thought was the last time, that they suddenly saw him clearly standing there. At that same moment, as soon as the realization hit, he was gone.

There is a saying in the Holy Land that "Holy places move." What one generation insisted was the place where something happened, the next generation decides was somewhere else. God, and the Spirit, can't be pinned down. As soon as I recognize the movement of Spirit in my life, as soon as I find and recognize something that I am doing that seems to invite the Spirit, it stops working and disappears. And I have to approach the issue in a fresh way. Authentic living is not something that can be done by rote, or custom or habit. I utilize practices, contemplative prayer and others, to invite spirit, but by their very nature, they are unpredictable and quixotic. God is not like a magic trick I can conjure at my will. God appears and disappears at His own behest, and my job is to follow the best way I can.

Perhaps this is why it is so hard to recognize Jesus when he is standing in front of me. The unexpected nature of the Divine shakes me out of my complacence and in a moment of clarity and power, reveals Itself to me in surprising and startling ways. I know my friends who volunteer with the homeless describe to me moments when they look into one of their client's faces and see the face of Christ. There are times when I am consulting with clients, times of wonder, or realization, or reflection when God seems fully present in the raw freshness of the moment. I try to pause at those moments, to let it sink in, to fully experience that Presence, and to thank God for being such an integral part of who I am. I never know when it is going to happen, and it disappears as soon as I become aware, but I love the God who reveals Herself to me in these precious and sacred ways.

Prayer: Dear God, I thank you for these moments of revelation that You bring to my life. I ask for an open and receiving heart that I may see more of Your Presence in this challenging and difficult world. Amen.

Life on God's terms

Luke 17:33 If you grasp and cling to life on your terms, you'll lose it, but if you let that life go, you'll get life on God's terms.

This is one of those wonderfully paradoxical statements of which Christianity abounds. In the translation I'm used to, it usually sounds more like those who want to save their life, will lose it, and those who lose their life will save it. What does that mean to us as we stumble through our lives trying to find one that's satisfying and meaningful? Peterson, in his translation The Message, adds some dimension here. Grasping and clinging to life on my own terms: that makes me think of all the expectations I bring to each moment. Watch what happens when a 2 year old doesn't get what he or she wants or expects -- all hell breaks loose! There is crying and screaming, the child seems inconsolable. But smart parents know that in a few minutes, using distraction, or just letting nature run its course, some new focus of interest will come up, and the now old disappointment will be forgotten, even though by adult standards it just happened! There are so many things that can get in the way of life, or plans -- even simple plans like buying a window, or arranging to meet a friend for dinner -- that I have come to understand that all those obstacles or interruptions are in some mysterious way part of the plan. If I insist on things going smoothly, or just the way I planned them, I am headed for my own private misery. If I allow myself to flow with whatever happens, dealing with and addressing the obstacles or interruptions that seem intent on ruining my good time, then things can go smoothly, I can reach my destination without a lot of wear and tear. But I have to let go of the idea that I can control everything that happens.

So, is this what Jesus, in Peterson's words, means by letting that life go? I suspect there is a little bit more involved in this second part of the verse. I remember a friend who was a priest telling me, when I asked how he knew he was called to be a priest, he said all the other doors closed. Now, that might not be the most positive way to hear a call, but sometimes we can't hear above the voice of our own desires unless all the other options are taken away. I know that for me, when I put Jesus back into the center of my life, the way ahead became clearer, smoother. The career I had been struggling with came to a kind of blossoming I hadn't expected; I found a life that had been eluding me. The Bible tells us God knows how to give good gifts to his children, so when we pray "Thy will be done" it may not take us that far away from the path we are already on, but our attitude, I think, is completely turned around. Rather than looking to express or gratify our own needs, we shift to looking at how what we are doing can serve others. Then, when things go "wrong", instead of experiencing it as a "mistake" I can look around and say, "Well, here I am, how does God want me to serve here, where I didn't expect to be?" In that way, I find a life by losing the one I expected, and by being willing to lose the life I am expecting or trying to create, I find a life that is, in the end, more satisfying and meaningful because it goes beyond me and my needs, and positions me as a transformative agent in the world.

Prayer: Dear God, It is so easy to get caught up in my own plans, in wanting things to turn out a particular way, in what I look forward to. Help me to understand that the way to You is a circuitous path, and to approach it with curiosity and thanksgiving at every turn. Amen.

Simply yourself

Luke 14:11 But if you're content to be simply yourself, you will become more than yourself.

How many of us think we have to do something extraordinary to count as a human being? I know growing up I had all sorts of ideas of what I wanted to accomplish in my life, what I wanted to achieve, because then I'd really be somebody. Who I was didn't seem to be quite enough. As I've gotten older, I think I've become more comfortable with who I am, whoever that is, and feel less and less need to add or change or become anything other than what I am. What I am finding in that process is a sense of contentment and inner peace that has eluded me most of my life.

I think what happens is that if I can be just myself, but be fully present with all that that is, somehow, out of that comes something more than I would expect. If I skip along the surface of experience, not quite engaging, not fully experiencing my life, if I am always looking over the next hill for whatever it is that is going to fulfill me, or make my life meaningful, or important, or whatever it is that I think I need, that unwillingness to be present where I am, that skittering off, is the very thing that keeps me from blossoming as a human being, and from being a presence that others see and value. A skilled actor doing the simplest action on stage can draw the attention of the entire audience, and completely captivate us with their presence. Actors are skilled at developing that unity of attention. But I can do this in my life, too, and when I do, when I am able to bring all my attention to this present moment, and really inhabit it, really embody it, there's a way I transcend the ordinariness of my life, and the fullness of that experience hearkens to something more, something beyond the physical plane, something we call spirit, or God. In that moment, by being fully what I am, I become more than what I am.

Prayer: Dear God, So many things distract me from simply being present, and being aware of Your Presence with me. Help me take the time to be, to be content with who and what I am, and use all of that to share You with others. Amen.

Private whispers vs. Public preaching

Luke 12:3 You can't whisper one thing in private and preach the opposite in public. The day's coming when those whispers will be repeated all over town.

How many of our leaders, both secular and religious, fall into this trap? There's something about reaching a position of power that seems to invite people into thinking that they've done it all under their own steam, that they're above the rules, above the law, that it doesn't apply to them. Think Eliot Spitzer, Tiger Woods, and a host of others whose names I don't remember but whose scandals I do. The anti-gay conservatives who are caught in homosexual hook ups. It's legislators preaching ethics who are caught taking bribes. It's each of us whenever we whisper judgmental gossip about someone privately and smile with fake friendliness when we see them. It's called hypocrisy, and it's the thing teenagers get all riled up about, usually about their parents.

That's when a wise person recognizes the danger and takes steps to counter the influence of power and success. That's why humility is such an important Christian virtue: it reminds people that the lowliest homeless person and the highest ranking politician are both still human beings and highly flawed. It's why God prefers the tax collector, who comes to God aware of his shortcomings, to the Pharisee, who is convinced of his own righteousness. It's an easy slip to make and we humans are especially prone. Humility reminds us that we are not God; only God is God.

Prayer: Dear God, Help me be watchful that I don't slip into thinking I"m doing this all on my own. I want always to remember Who's in charge. Amen.

Without expecting

Luke 6:35 Help and give without expecting a return.

This is a lot harder than you might imagine. While I think a lot of us can give without expecting a financial tit for tat, or favors or something like that, we can still harbor expectations about our gifts. For one, we want to know that our gift is being used by someone who "deserves" it; what we call the deserving poor. That gives us a sense that we are making a contribution, not being "taken advantage of". That feeling good about ourselves is a kind of expectation, a kind of return. I also get pulled in by wanting to see some good result from my gift; I want to have an impact. This is probably hooked up with the idea of giving gifts to people who "deserve" it, or who can "benefit" from it. These expectations rule my life, determine how I feel about myself and my world, determine, in fact, just about everything! The amazing thing is that when I can get out from under expectations, when I can stop judging outcomes on the basis of what I was expecting (and a lot of the time I am totally unaware of these expectations) I am free to be present and take the experience for what it is. I can let go, trust in God, have faith in my own intentions.

I have really learned this going to MS to work on Katrina relief. If I get too fixated on the job, on finishing something --- that is really my compulsion! -- and it doesn't happen, then I'm disappointed. My desire to "accomplish something" is not satisfied. Lots of things can come up that get in the way of finishing a job. We pulled away the baseboards in a room and found termites, so we couldn't finish tiling the floor until that was dealt with. Other times i have been on a different crew, working at a different house every day. What I've learned is to arrive with no expectations. my task is to be present, be a witness to the people of the Gulf coast who are still struggling so hard, that they are remembered; we haven't forgotten them. So, once or twice a year, I journey to their neighborhood and pitch in the best I can. Just doing that, whether I get thanked or not (and people are profoundly grateful just that I showed up), whether I finish the job or not, whether I have fun or not (and usually I have a blast working hard with my body and not just my brain), is the greatest satisfaction ever.

Prayer: Dear God, Help me to let go of expectations, so that I may truly experience and enjoy the actual life you have given me. Amen

Become simple and elemental

Matthew 18:4 Whoever becomes simple and elemental again, like this child, will rank high in God's kingdom.

Working in MS last week, on Katrina relief, has felt just like an "elemental experience"! I even mentioned this verse to some people who were working there with me, and it connected with their experience, too. Here's why I think this was an elemental week:

1. I actually was in the elements a lot. Though we were working in homes, much of our work brought us outside, and even indoors, we had all the windows opened. We were constantly in and out; when it rained, we got wet.

2. I was working with my hands, slapping mud (mortar) on the floor, cutting tile with a wet saw, laying the tile, smearing on the grout and wiping it off. Very tactile. Even though we did use a lot of machines -- power tools and such -- there's something basic about doing stuff with your hands.

3. I was in a new place, away from my home and usual connections and associations. There's a freshness, a basic experience of being in the world, when we're away from our routines and all those reminders of who we are supposed to be.

4. Our accommodations were very basic: metal bunkbeds with small foam mattresses, sleeping in sleeping bags, the bathrooms were across the compound, we ate in a big room all together. It was kind of like adult camp.

5. Because I was far away from my usual context, I was also kind of disconnected from the past, and too busy to think about the future, in a kind of "free" zone. Tasks kept me very present oriented, and being in the moment is about as elemental as it gets.

6. Basically, I was an apprentice, in a position of learning from others, most of them decades younger than me. I was doing something I don't normally do, that I am definitely not expert in.

7. I worked really hard every day, feeling quite tired by the end of it. That kept me in touch with my body and how it works, what it needs, how to take care of it.

8. The satisfactions I came away with were also elemental: a job well done; helping others. There was nothing fancy, no big accomplishments. Didn't even get to see the complete finish of the job we were on, so the successes were small, moment to moment things.

9. I wasn't responsible for anything, except showing up and working. At home, there are so many things I am involved in, there's always a list in my head; I am always juggling things that need to get done. This was simple and basic: follow the routine, show up, do your best, your time off's your own. In that way it was a real break from business as usual.

It's easy to lose touch with what is simple and elemental in our complicated lives, and last week was a great reminder of what is simple about living. Showing up, doing your best, taking care of yourself and your community. Sharing. Giving. Serving. I guess that's why I keep going back.

Prayer: Dear God, It's so easy to get caught up in the complexities of life and forget the basics. Help me remember what is simple and real, and stay connected to that when life gets complicated. Amen.

He slipped away by himself

Matthew 14:13, 23 When Jesus got the news, he slipped away by boat to an out-of-the-way place by himself...He stayed there alone, late into the night.

The "news" is the beheading of John the Baptist, the Forerunner, as the Eastern Orthodox refer to him, but also Jesus' cousin. What did that news foreshadow for him about what was to come? What sorrow did it bring up, that lonely night on the mountain? Did he pray for John? for Elizabeth, John's mother, and Mary, his own? It must have been a great loss to him. He needed to be alone, to pray, to reflect, just to allow his responses time to work themselves out.

I need time alone, too, sometimes, to process challenging situations, to deal with complex emotions, relationships, events, that I am trying to figure out, trying to understand in the context of my life, my faith. It takes time and quiet and solitude to come to clarity about where I stand in relationship to some of the difficulties that arise from living. And sometimes, there's nothing in particular going on, I just need some time alone to decompress. Like now, I am in Mississippi, at Mission on the Bay, a joint project of Episcopal Relief and Development, and Lutheran and Episcopal Services in MS trying to rebuild the coast from the devastation left by Hurricane Katrina. Yes, there's still lots of work to be done! My church sends a group here once or twice a year, and we spend the day working on houses: doing carpentry, painting, installing cabinets, floors and roofs, even windows and doors, plumbing, just about anything you can think of. This week I have been tiling floors.

It's great fun, working with wonderful people, and we always have a good time, despite how tiring it is. But from morning to night -- waking up and walking into the bathroom that's already full of people (there are 80 some here this week, although they often have up to 200), eating, working all day at the job site, dinner and evening, reading or chatting in the common room -- there are people around. I have to be very conscious of my need for a little quiet solitude every once in a while, or I'll start getting cranky and irritable and not really know why. Or I'll start feeling stressed and lose that sense of light-hearted enjoyment, that joy of service which is a lot of why I come. There is no better example of how to deal with life's difficulties, or even just the importance of a little alone time than that of Jesus climbing up a mountain to pray alone and undisturbed.

Prayer: Dear God, Help me recognize those times when I need to be alone to sort through what life presents to me. Help me hearken to the call of solitude. Amen

You'll begin to sense His Grace

Matthew 6:8 Here's what I want you to do: Find a quiet, secluded place so you won't be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you'll begin to sense his grace.

What a lovely description, not only of how to go about praying, but also what the purpose is: to present ourselves "simply and honestly" before God and connect with Her. Mary Oliver describes it in her poem Praying:

It doesn't have to be
the blue iris, it could be
weeds in a vacant lot, or a few
small stones; just
pay attention, then patch

a few words together and don't try
to make them elaborate, this isn't
a contest but the doorway

into thanks, and a silence in which
another voice may speak.

In my silent prayer of contemplation, I sit with gratitude and open my heart go God's presence. I stay -- or keep returning when I get carried away by thoughts or feelings -- in the present moment, where God dwells and let go of all the stuff that wants to pull me into my head. i have glimpses of what the Buddhists call "Basic Goodness" and what I think of as the Presence of God and I find myself restored, renewed and refreshed. It's simple; it's just between me and God, and it connects me in a way nothing else does.

Prayer: Dear God, I thank you for all the traditions and practices that have struggled to find You, that I can reap the benefit of their wisdom. Thank you for Your Presence in my life. Amen

Live out your God-created identity

Matthew 5:48 In a word what I'm saying is "Grow up!" You're kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your god-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others the way God lives toward you.

In the familiar verses of the Sermon on the Mount, Eugene Peterson's The Message paraphrase just pops with freshness and vitality. This whole verse shows up in the NRSV as "Be perfect therefore as your heavenly Father is perfect" and look at the way Peterson connects the dots for us. Who on earth is "perfect" and what does that even mean? But if we look at God, and how God is, in particular how God deals with us, we get some idea: God treats us with kindness and mercy, and that is how he expects us to deal with our fellows.

This verse is the culmination and summary of the command to love your enemy. Peterson shows us how this call to love one's enemy takes us out of the usual tit for tat way of doing things, the usual way of trying to get back at those who harm or try to harm us. Jesus here calls us to a higher purpose -- to love as God has loved us, in the face of and in spite of all the unloving things that we have done, and that others have done to us. We are to act as if we were perfect in that way, even though we will never be. We are to take that generous gift of mercy and grace and pass it on to others regardless of their worth or lack thereof. We are to pour out the overflowing cup of God's love and compassion to all of this broken world mired in hate, hurt, fear and pain. That is both God's call and God's promise. That is how the world is transformed; that is the Kingdom of God on earth.

We have been reading Jesus Freak at my church. In it, the author Sara Miles describes a food pantry that has no lists or criteria, no requirements, but that people show up and ask. They rain food on the just and the unjust alike and don't question whether the people showing up are "really" poor or "deserve" to get free food or not. When it's a gift, no one can take advantage of you! This is the kind of free giving Jesus talks about. People cheat because they haven't experienced generosity of spirit, because they live in a world of scarcity rather than God's world of abundance. Experiencing that kind of giving can really call people into a new life. It's infectious, a virtuous cycle that begets more giving, more love, more generosity of spirit. And that's something I want to be part of!

Prayer: Dear God, You have shown me a vision of your Kingdom through Jesus's words. Help me to give generously to all, and to live in the freedom of abundance which is your Kingdom on earth. Amen.

Embrace it!

Mark 8:35 Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how.

I have come to believe that the primary purpose of the spiritual path is to engage our very humanness and the suffering that is an inevitable part of living. When I run from my suffering, I generally make it worse. If it is a painful emotion that I try to seal off, I often end up sealing off other feelings as well, like joy and love. If I try and avoid a painful situation, it is liable to get worse until I can't avoid it. And I know from my own life, if I run from challenges, if I think I can somehow escape them, all I am really doing is putting off the inevitable confrontation with whatever it is I am afraid of, and in the meantime it has probably just gotten more entrenched.

What following Jesus has shown me is how to embrace my suffering, by which I mean fully experience it without shrinking or shirking, with the love and support of God who is always with me. No, it is not always fun. Accepting and experiencing painful stuff doesn't make it go away. But I find I can bear it, with God's help, and the help of my community, and use it as an opportunity to learn more about the suffering of others, and as a catalyst to open my heart in generous compassion.

It seems to me that suffering gives us a choice: I can let suffering close me off to others, embitter me with a "Why did this have to happen to me? it's not fair!" attitude, or I can recognize that suffering comes to everyone, and the suffering in my life can help me better understand those who may be embroiled in a kind of suffering I can't even imagine. That is, I can close myself off to others, see my suffering as an individual fate unfairly meted out to me, or I can see my suffering as a bridge, a bridge of compassion that connects me with others. One direction leads to hardness of heart, anger, bitterness and isolation; the other leads to connection, joy and freedom. It seems to me that after 9/11 we as a nation had the opportunity to recognize, in the catastrophe that was visited on us, what we have in common with so many other nations that are suffering worse fates: the Israelis and the Palestinians; the victims of war in the Congo, Sudan and other places; the victims of terrorism all over the world. There was a moment that we could have built stronger relationships of understanding with places that might otherwise have seemed so entirely unlike us. We took a breath, and then moved quickly into "Us vs. Them". It was an opportunity lost. I don't want to lose that opportunity in my own life.

Prayer: Dear God, There is so much suffering in the world, and I can experience only a tiny part of it. I thank you for the ways you have opened my heart through suffering, that you have stood with me and helped me bear it. Give me that power to stand with others in their suffering, so that they may bear it and find the gifts that lie beneath its dark waters.

Missing the Point

1Timothy 6:21 People caught up in a lot of talk can miss the whole point of faith.

When I was studying the history of the Church in the four year Bible study known as Education for Ministry, our class often remarked on how these guys (and they were all guys) would get so hung up on some point of theology -- like "Did the bread physically become Christ's body, like at the molecular level, or was this a more spiritual or metaphorical truth?" -- and the next thing you know, war has broken out! It's hard to imagine anything more opposed to the Christian message than war, and yet these guys really believed they were fighting for the Truth, the Soul of the Church. It seemed to us like they were missing the point on a grand scale.

So what is the point? Paul says it earlier in 1Timothy (verse 3) "The whole point of what we're urging is simply love" and later tells Timothy "Teach believers with your life" (v. 12). That is what faith is about, living a life grounded in the love of God, expressing that love to all God's creation. It's not for me to judge others, only to love them. It's not even for me to save others, just to love them. Self-examination is essential, so that I can form my life with Jesus at the center, but it must be a self-examination grounded in love, gentle, caring, encouraging, not harsh and cruel. I've noticed that people who are harsh and cruel to others often are subject to an Inner Critic harsher and crueler than the behavior they exhibit. So loving ourselves is part of the equation. And that only comes from experiencing the love of God. That is the foundation, the starting point of the life lived in faith. Know this. God is good; God is love. God loves you, right here, right now, just the way you are. That's basic.

Prayer: Dear God, I pray for those who have not yet received the comfort of Your Love and Mercy, who suffer the pain of feeling worthless and useless, victims of hate and spreaders of hate. Touch their hearts, open their hearts, to Your Love. Use me as an instrument to open hearts to Your Love that have been mired in fear, self-loathing and oppression, that all might experience the joy of living in your Heavenly Kingdom, right here on earth. Amen.

Put yourself aside

Philippians 2:3-4 Put yourself aside and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.

This has got to be some of the most counter-cultural advice ever given! In our achievement obsessed culture, where "greed is good", and the game is played precisely to get your own advantage, the suggestion that you "forget yourself" is blasphemy. Helping others get ahead is helping the competition get the better of you. Corporations keep their advances secret so that, with the element of surprise, they can catch their competition flatfooted and race ahead. Yet here we have again one of the many paradoxes of Christian faith, of the spiritual path: that by helping others, you yourself will gain what is of most value, a life to treasure.

I have really been experiencing this lately. Ever since I began to think of my mission in the world, and not just the purpose of my business, I have been energized, seeing opportunities everywhere, and finding so much satisfaction in what I do! In Benjamin and Rosamond Stone Zander's fabulous book, The Art of Possibility, they speak of how seeing things in terms of "Making a Contribution" can bring energy to an otherwise mundane or difficult task. If I see myself as making a contribution, my vision soars beyond the horizon of my own life, I gain a perspective as wide as the world, and there is a glimpse of eternity in that. Paul talks about God being the energy that enters in to fuel the task when we are looking to serve others, and that's about as good an explanation as any. It's energy that charges the ignition, lights the creative fire, gets the juices flowing in a way, for me, that just doesn't happen when it's only about my little business, and making money and getting "what's mine". This element of service brings me into communion with a larger Presence, a greater whole than just my life, or even my family, or even my church community. It somehow places me on the map of all humanity for all time -- and though that is a humbling context to see myself in (VERY humbling! I'm no Catherine of Siena, or even Mother Theresa!) the inspiration of spirit I receive to pursue my very humble purpose brings at once the energy to do what needs to happen, and a sense of gratitude for the very opportunity to be of service, to bear witness. And that gratitude may be the greatest incentive of all.

Prayer: Dear God, I am so grateful for the inspiration to serve You and to serve the world with the skills You have led me to develop. I pray to be worthy of the opportunities You provide, that I not have concern over my own advancement, but only the advancement of Your Kingdom. Amen.

Love like that

Ephesians 5:2 Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn't love in order to get something from us, but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that.

Love like that, with everything you have. I truly feel this is the road God is bringing me to -- there's a definite theme happening here! -- a process of expressing love in all that I do, a place where my main occupation is sharing that love with the world: in my work with clients, in my friendships, with family members and in my volunteer activities. And in that process, I am hoping to equip people so that they can extend that same love to the lives that they touch. When I am aware of this, when I am fully connected with that sense of purpose, it is the most satisfying, quietly thrilling way I can imagine spending my life! Through it all I get to experience that same love and nurture but because I don't hold on to it but allow it to flow through me, it never gets stuck, stopped up or stagnant. It is the abundant life Jesus talks about, the living water that continually rises up because I am connected to the source; I am living out of that source, the way appliances are fueled when they are plugged into the electrical grid. And it's enough, it's all I need, and I find myself daily truly grateful and content.

Prayer: Dear God, This is a day for joyous thanksgiving for the gifts that you have inspired me to share with the world you love. All I ask is that you continue to renew the joyful gratitude I feel in my heart today. Amen

What we are living for

Ephesians 1:11 It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for.

This is certainly where my faith journey has brought me. Lately I've been thinking a lot about my purpose, my mission in life. Working on marketing my business, I have discovered that when I am connected to a purpose, one that goes beyond being successful or not, I get a lot of energy. I think this is what Paul's talking about. Through this process of faithful living, of following Jesus, we find out who we are in Jesus, and what we are living for, that is, how we are engaged in building the Kingdom of God, what part of this huge project of reaching out to the suffering of the world my particular skills fit me for. Now that I am getting a sense of that -- for me it's related to these contemplative practices I love so much, and I would say it's something like inviting people into the dance of life, that is into a deeper, richer and more connected experiencing of their lives -- now that I know what that is, I wake up every morning full of ideas, looking for opportunities, thinking about whose life I can touch today. I understand, now, how in His service is perfect freedom. It makes life so rich! And joyful.

Prayer: Dear God, I thank you for where you have brought me, that you have equipped me to respond to suffering and are providing opportunities to touch people's lives. Truly, my cup runneth over. Amen.

Not "doing" anything

Romans 10:12 You're not "doing" anything; you're simply calling out to God, trusting him to do it for you. That's salvation.

What does it really mean to be saved? I think this is something that off and on puzzles me. This word, "salvation" is not one we use much these days. I suppose a lot of people use it to refer to life after death, but I want to know what it means right here and now, in the life I have on earth. It doesn't mean we won't encounter difficulty or challenges, or that bad things won't happen to us or to those we love. It doesn't mean we don't have to do stuff, take care of business, work hard, be responsible. It doesn't even really mean we won't sin anymore, make mistakes that may have real and even terrible consequences. Paul tells us here that salvation is calling out to God, to Jesus, and trusting. Makes me think of the trust exercise they do on a lot of team building retreats: one person closes his/her eyes and falls back, trusting that the other person/people will catch him/her before hitting the ground. Jim Finley, in his talks about Contemplative prayer and mystic experience, talks about an endless tunnel -- a little like Alice falling into Wonderland -- where you continue falling, endlessly falling. When you stop, it's actually because you've hit a snag! Then you can fall back and trust again. It's a weightless feeling, but also that sense of all that troubles you falling away. Letting go. Trusting. Surrender. This is a daily, hourly process.

Of course, not "doing" anything may be one of the hardest things for people to do in our American culture. Maybe it's hard in other cultures, but I don't know. Give it a try. Just try to sit and do nothing. Trust me, it's hard! I start thinking, or I get bored, or I get an idea I want to follow through on, or I fall asleep, or just about anything to avoid doing nothing! I am what I do in this country, which is really hard for all those people who are unemployed. Learning to do nothing, just to be, opens up space for me to experience myself in a new way: not as the center of a vortex of energy and activity, but as a still, quiet place that flows out into eternity.

How does that save me? I'm not sure I understand it exactly, and it often seems counter-intuitive, but when I am able to practice that surrender, regularly, life seems possible, even right in certain kind of way. Even though nothing has changed, everything falls into place. What was out of joint, out of alignment, fits smoothly and seamlessly together. I'm not getting in my own way anymore. So maybe saving has to do with saving me from myself; maybe surrender is about letting go of me, of all my ideas about what is right or isn't right, what should or shouldn't be, of all my plans and ambitions and desires and falling into what's real.

What's real? God, the gound of being, what Buddhists call Basic Goodness, that is the foundation of life. My life. Everyone's life. But until we let go, we don't see it, we don't feel it, we don't experience it. We think it's all about what we are doing. Some people talk about "the Universe" which is simply all that is. It's really a mystery how all that is came to be, despite what the physicists can tell us about it. It's a mystery how life came to arise. Human beings are a mystery. As long as I keep trying to figure it out, like some kind of puzzle, I don't really get anywhere. It's when I can surrender to the mystery, let go of my attempts to understand and allow that Ground of Being to make itself known to me in the magic of the present moment, then suddenly life is. And that is all that's necessary.

Prayer: Dear God, Let me trust in your saving grace this day and every day as I deal with all the challenges life brings. Thank you for life and all its blessings. Help me remember that You are in charge, and that, with You in this present moment, I have all that I need. Amen.

Entered into what God was doing

Romans 4:3 Abraham entered into what god was doing for him and that was the turning point. He trusted God to set him right instead of trying to be right on his own.

Ah, Romans, Paul's longest letter (that's why it's first after Acts) and many say his most complete statement of theology. I know what he is talking about here resonates with me, and my experience of conversion some 25 years ago. I placed myself, my life, in God's hands and it has felt right ever since -- still rich in pain and suffering, loss and challenge, and yet right. How to even explain that? I can point to particular moments of surrender, where I really let down, and let go, and then experienced God taking me on a new journey, a new adventure. What I am struggling with now is to do this on a daily, or even hourly, basis. How do I surrender minute by minute so that I can fully enter what God is doing each moment of my life? So I can flow with the changes and not get caught up in my own agenda?

I am finding help with this task these days through the practice of mindfulness, and the teachings of the Shambhala path, a secular approach to this Buddhist practice, that keeps echoing with reminders of the Christian path. When I can pause and be present in this moment, recognizing and accepting all its circumstances, that is a kind of surrender. Acceptance of what is, whether good or bad, pleasing or distressing -- and whatever my reaction to it is! -- this is a kind of surrender. And I think in that way I can enter into what God is doing. Because, first of all, what God is doing is keeping existence going, and whatever is is whatever God has brought into being. When I can remember to take that moment, that breath, that pause, I often find a grace and a clarity: clarity about what it is that I'm doing to follow God's call, and the grace of joy, fulfillment and gratitude. It makes (as in forms or creates) my day.

Prayer: Dear God, Help me weave this simple practice into the daily tapestry of my life, so that you can claim your rightful place, and so that I can respond to your call minute by minute, not just year to year. Amen.

He gives you something to give away

2 Corinthians 9:10 This most generous God who gives seed to the farmer that becomes bread for your meals is more than extravagant with you. He gives you something you can then give away, which grows into full-formed lives.

This verse really pulled me up short. I am so aware of God's generosity in my life, and this calls me to recognize to what use God wants me to put these gifts -- I am to give them away to others, so that they can realize the fullness of life God wants for them.

I am reminded of the example of Catherine of Siena. She is described as pouring herself out on those in need. The Mother Theresa of her day, she attended to the poor and dying in the streets of Siena, and contemporary observers describe her going days without food or rest, living on air, and on her love for others, her Christian call. She describes at one point exchanging her heart of stone with Christ's human heart of flesh and blood, and with that heart of compassion she reached out to everyone in need. She even called Popes and Bishops to account for their lives!

Do I have it in me to be a Catherine of Siena? Hardly. I've already long outlived her (she died at about 37), and clearly have a long way to go before I pour myself out to the needy of this world. This verse calls me to look at what I do have and see how I can use it in service to the needs of others. With the destruction of Haiti in the news, and the relief flooding in to that impoverished, devastated country, one obvious thing I can do is give money. And I do. But I also look to my other gifts, gifts of education and training, gifts of compassion and insight, of listening, of writing, and others I may not even be aware of. I am called to look for ways to pass those gifts along as well. Like the dead sea, which accumulates toxic salt because there is no outlet, our gifts can prove toxic if we don't freely give them away. Giving produces a beneficial flow, where gifts from others flow in to fill their place. So it is in giving and receiving that we experience Christian community.

Prayer: Dear God, You have showered me with blessings. Teach me how to give them away, so that I may experience the service that is perfect freedom, participate in the building of Your Kingdom and receive the blessing of Your Grace. Amen.

This wide-open spacious Life

2 Corinthians 6:11 Dear, dear Corinthians, I can't tell you how much I long for you to enter this wide-open, spacious life!

Wow, it's been a month! That's maybe a bit too wide open and spacious? I can see I may be coming to the end of this blog, or maybe I should just broaden it out a bit? At any rate, I am determined to see this read of The Message, Eugene Peterson's paraphrase of the Bible, through to the end, in roughly the order the original scriptures were written.

To Paul. I think to a lot of people, the Christian life looks small and restrictive. They see a lot of rules and think that it's all about self-denial, self-sacrifice, duty. In some ways, you could say they are right! What they don't see, though, is the tremendous sense of joy and freedom that arises when you decide to let go of trying to satisfy your own desires and needs and live the way Christ calls us to, reaching out to others in service and gratitude.

The thing is, spaciousness requires a certain structure; there's an architecture, if you will, to spaciousness. A pitcher, for example, is an object, but when it is empty, it is also an open space waiting to be filled. The pitcher which surrounds the space gives it structure and form, shows us how big the space is. They say that icebergs are often unimpressive in size because, though they are vast, there is rarely anything to compare them to, and that lack of comparison diminishes our perception of their size. In order to see or experience spaciousness, we need points of comparison, boundaries, some kind of scaffolding, so that we can actually perceive and experience the spaciousness that is there. The "rules" of Christianity, the call to live our lives in certain ways -- like not judging lest we be judged, and loving our enemies and feeding the hungry and clothing the poor, all the things Jesus talks about in the Gospels -- provide the structure within which we can experience the spaciousness and freedom of the Christian life. I think any spiritual path is similar in this regard. You have to do the practices, set up the structure, in order to find that experience of freedom.

What I am talking about here, of course, is spiritual freedom, not necessarily physical freedom. Freedom is not, as someone famously said, license. The person who has no structure in their lives, who sleeps and wakes whenever they will, who follows no routines, who lives, in short, a chaotic life, is not free. That person is like a leaf blowing in the wind, at the mercy of whatever whims or urgings prompt them on to the next step. Such a person is unlikely to accomplish much, or be of service to anyone, and is likely to experience life as unpredictable and unreliable, full of sadness and suffering. But once someone has a firm scaffolding in spiritual practice, an understanding of the kind of life to which Christ calls us, and is able to put in place these life-saving routines, there is a spacious freedom that arises, accompanied by such joy and gratitude in the simple act of living one's life, that is hard to describe to someone who doesn't feel it, too. These are the fruits of the spirit, and they arise spontaneously, organically, out of the disciplines of the Christian life. They are the result of grace: we can't manufacture it ourselves, but we can prepare and cultivate the soil of our souls, create the best possible conditions for its possibility, and then wait and see what happens.

Prayer: Dear God, You have shown us the path to true human freedom and fulfillment. Give me the wisdom, discipline and longing to follow the path you call us to, that I, too, may experience the joy and freedom you promise. Amen.