The Incomparable

Isaiah 46:5 So to whom will you compare me, the Incomparable? Can you picture me without reducing me?

Here is the central paradox and difficultly about God: any way we come up with to try to describe God, whether simile, metaphor, allegory or image is inadequate to the task, falls far short of describing who/what God actually is. This is why Muslims and some Christians (and possibly some Jews, if memory serves) don't allow any pictures of God (for Muslims, it's any image of any creature, so their mosques are beautifully decorated with abstract art) in their houses of worship. Humans want to know, want to have some understanding of God, but the danger is that as soon as one aspect is described -- say, rock or fortress -- it's easy to get caught up in the image and forget that it's just a hint of God, one idea, one aspect of the Unfathomable Mystery. That is idolatry. Hinduism is often seen to be a polytheistic religion, but according to Huston Smith, in his wonderful series of talks with Bill Moyers, the various "gods" of the Hindu pantheon represent all the various aspects of the Divine Mystery, and so are not really separate gods at all. By having a multiplicity of gods, it reminds them that God is no one thing, but all things.

But how do we deal with this as Christians? Does it mean we must jettison all these ideas, the beautiful images given to us in the scriptures? I don't believe so. These images can be important sources of understanding about God and how we are to relate to him. What is important is to remember that they are only images, not the whole thing. What we are called into is engaging directly with the mystery through not knowing. Isaiah also tells us that I am to God as the pot is to the potter. How can the pot understand the potter? The pot is without understanding, without consciousness, without life. How can it understand the living being that creates it? So, what are the capabilities that God possesses that are as far above me as my consciousness, my mind and my life are beyond that of a pile of clay? This is the challenge. This is also the recognition of futility, in that my understanding can never even approach encompassing the whole of what God is. It is enough to bow down and honor the Presence that is the source of life.

Prayer: Dear God, You have endowed me with understanding and the desire to know. Help me accept my limitations with grace, and understand when to abandon intellectual striving and rest gratefully in Your Presence. Amen.

God lasts

Isaiah 40:28 God doesn't come and go. God lasts.

I came back to faith when it became clear that nothing that I was putting my trust in was worthy of it because none of it lasted: not love, not work, not happiness, not even misery; none of it lasted. So I came back seeking a faith, a belief in what does last.

The Buddhists would say that nothing lasts, and that is what God is: no thing. God is immaterial: God cannot be touched with the fingers, or seen with the eyes or heard with the ears; the reality of God lies beyond all the material world. And yet the Christian tradition teaches this paradox: we cannot touch, see or hear God, but we can know God, we can experience God. It requires stillness and patience and openness of heart. It requires letting go of our own agenda and surrendering to whatever is in the present moment. It calls us to open our senses and really see, hear and taste what is here with us and then, in a moment, if we are lucky and grace comes upon us, then, in the words of Blanche DuBois, "sometimes there's God, so quickly." For me, God often shows up in tears or laughter, or an overpowering sense of awe. Such moments are a glimpse into the Divine, and they have created such a hunger and thirst in me to know God more closely and intimately, to read and learn about and try to understand the teachings of the mystics about God, as well as the Bible and leaders of the past and present. And so, I came to faith when everything else disappointed me, and thus discovered my passion, my vocation, my true calling, my spiritual path, my life in faith.

Prayer: Dear God, I am so grateful for the hunger and thirst which you have stirred in me, and that drives me to know you more. I am grateful for the path you have brought me to, with all its challenges, and the transformation of the heart which you are working within me. Help me stay focused on what is essential and leave behind all the rest, so that my life may become increasingly devoted to living in Your Presence, and sharing Your Light with the world. Amen.

You corrupted wisdom

Ezekiel 28:16 You corrupted wisdom by using it to get worldly fame.

I was at a seminar on spirituality and psychology several months ago and the presenter began by speaking about "The Secret". His comment was that the ideas of the secret were absolutely correct and 180 degrees wrong. It turns the notion of the spiritual life into a way to get more of what I "want" -- all the things that I think will make me feel secure and happy (material objects and wealth, fame and renown) which will only pull me more deeply into the world's values. Spiritual values, by contrast, are profoundly and unapologetically counter-cultural. Yes, I can use spiritual understandings, gifts and practices in this way, but it corrupts them and denies me the true fruit: a deep humility which allows me to enter the full richness of each moment, to be an integrated part of life on this planet which is as full of pain and suffering as it is with joy and happiness.

Suffering is the refiner's fire of the spiritual life, and if we try to avoid the inevitable suffering life brings we are condemned to skimming its surface without really engaging with it. So not only do we corrupt the spiritual wisdom offered us, but we miss the greatest gift they have to bestow: the transformation of our own hearts.

Prayer: Dear God, You have called me on a spiritual journey. Help me to stick with it through whatever life brings along the way, and teach me to value the true fruits of my spiritual path. Amen.

A signpost erected between Me and them

Ezekiel 20:12      I also gave them my weekly holy rest days, my "Sabbaths", a kind of signpost erected between me and them to show them that I, God, am in the business of making them Holy.

Last week-end, I did too much, didn't really take a full Sabbath the way I have been, and I could really feel the difference!  I woke up lethargic on Monday, less focused, feeling rushed, and perhaps a bit chided by God.  This is important, I remind myself.  And Ezekiel, here, touches on what makes the Sabbath so important.

Like a sign, a border or an altar of rocks, the Sabbath sets apart time for God.  It marks off the Holy from the ordinary, creates sacred time for me to come back to basics, to my root, my foundation, a sign to God and me and the world about where my primary allegiance lies.  It is fallow time, time to fill the well, to fill up with Presence through slowing down and resting, letting go and surrendering it all to God.  I worship, yes, but also rest, to show that I am a mere human; God is in charge, not me.  God can do it all without my help.  It is an exercise in humility, a recognition that I can withdraw from the world for a day and nothing falls apart, because none of it really depends on me, even though it may feel that way at times.  This setting apart is how God makes me whole, holy, integrated.  It provides balance for activity, a period of restoration, of full reliance on the Spirit to replenish my soul, so that I can re-enter the world with a full tank, ready to live the life God calls me to, ready to respond to the world's need with all that I am and all that I have.  "Life" ceases for one day, which brings more energy and focus to my activity when it resumes. It is a time to pause and reflect, see myself in true perspective, to be present with the One Living God, the Holy Presence, right now, for a whole day of stillness and peace.

Prayer:     Dear God,     In this time of the holidays, it is easy to get overscheduled and forget what it is all really about.  Help me remember that the most important thing I can do during Advent is not shop for presents, or go to concerts, or even visit friends, but to spend time with You, and rest in Your eternal changelessness.     Amen.

Acted out of who I was

Ezekiel 20:22 But I thought better of it and acted out of who I was, not by what I felt, so that I might be honored and not blasphemed by the nations who had seen me bring them out.

God is speaking to Ezekiel about his anger at the Israelites as they wandered in the desert after God had rescued them from Egypt. Despite God's anger, God acted not out of how he felt, but who he WAS. What a startling statement! Who I am is not how I feel. If you had said that to me when I was in my 20's, I would have thought you were crazy. How I felt then practically defined who I was: I am a person who feels. That's from coming from a household, like those of many of my generation whose "greatest generation" parents were also the "stoical" generation, where feelings were not usually expressed, much less discussed.

As I've gotten older, though, I have begun to see that feelings fluctuate; they move and rattle and cascade; they take us up and down and all around the glorious roller coaster of life. So they are part of me, but they are not who I am. Who I am is expressed in my intentions; whose I am is expressed when those intentions follow the teachings of Jesus: to love God and love my neighbor. When I act out of anger, or revenge, or fear, I am acting out of a momentary passion that does not accurately demonstrate my foundation. And the results are often actions which I regret, because they don't proclaim the person Jesus calls me to be. Maybe this is why when people get angry, they often say, "I forgot myself". They really did! Jesus calls me to act lovingly even when I am angry, to be kind even when I am afraid, to be considerate even when my feelings cry out for revenge. It is those intentions that I am called to live out, and which endure past and through the momentary fluctuations of emotions.

Prayer: Dear God, Help me remember who I am and whose I am, even when my emotions run strong, so that I may live out the life of love you call me to. Amen

Meditation on the Fires 11.16.08

There is an eerie cast to the day when fires are raging in southern California. A rival light, diffuse on the horizon, dilutes the intensity of the sun's rays even beyond the haze cause by the not-too-distant smoke. A surreal glow tinged a warm yellow hovers in the direction of the fires, the sunsets are ablaze with red, and the wind literally rains ash. I found my newly washed car dusted with gray flakes this morning, like some unruly cosmic dandruff, and it reminded me. Fires are burning. Lives are going up in smoke. Let us pray.

I know the fires in Santa Barbara have already almost completely destroyed a beautiful monastery perched on a hill with a view to the sea: Mt. Calvary, of the Order of the Holy Cross. I have gone there many times on retreat, both alone and with the women from my church. We would sit in the sun porch drinking tea, and looking through the books in their extensive library and wonderful bookstore. We bought cards with calligraphy beautifully crafted by one of the brothers, and walked the nearby labyrinth. We snuggled in big chairs before the fireplace, contemplating the words brought by the retreat leaders, the soul's language. We restored our souls.

Mt. Calvary will be rebuilt, reborn, I hope with even half the charm, and it will continue to nurture spiritual seekers from all over the world. But something irretrievable has been lost. When we next sojourn there it will be new, with a different taste and ambience, and in its newness and freshness it will be unfamiliar territory, turning us into strangers in an alien land, all physical traces of our past blotted out, rather than family returning to the familiar homestead. I want to honor this moment of loss, so much larger for the brothers than for me and my fellow retreatants, even as I look forward to the renewal that will come. For now, the Mt. Calvary that I have known and loved lives only in my heart.

Prayer: Dear God, I pray for your gracious mercy on all those who have lost homes, possessions and even loved ones as a result of the fires. Hold them lovingly in Your Hands, give them strength to endure and remind them of the hope of renewal even among the ashes which is Your everlasting promise. Amen.

Enter the silence

Lamentations 3:28 When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence.

What a surprise, in reading Jeremiah’s poetic ode to the suffering of his people in exile in Babylon, to discover this invitation to partake in an ancient practice. There is such balm in sitting in silence. In today’s world of hyper-stimulation, of 24-7 news cycles, the demands of advertising and the media and the continual bombardment by sounds and images, it’s easy to see how taking a break from all that, and sitting in silence, could be soothing, even though many people don’t do it. It’s kind of amazing to me that, even in a time with no electronic equipment or amplification, when people heard only the sounds that actually existed around them, there was this need and call to go sit in the silence. The Gospels often speak of Jesus, going off by himself to be quiet and pray. In the Christian tradition, Anthony, the first monk, went into the desert for solitude and quiet contemplation, and was soon followed by so many that he started a movement which speaks to the perennial need human beings have for getting away from it all.

I began meditating in 1971, just after graduating from college, because I thought I needed a stronger emotional grounding in my life. I began with Transcendental Meditation, which is from the Hindu tradition and involves the use of a mantra. When I returned to church some years later, and began reading about the contemplative tradition in Christianity, I began doing Centering Prayer, which relies on a sacred word to recall the mind from its meanderings into thought. More recently, I have practiced contemplative prayer in the Thomas Merton tradition, which has many similarities to Buddhist mindfulness practice. Each tradition has its own methodologies, but the common thread is letting go of the incessant thinking that dominates our awareness and becoming aware of the unhurried nature of being in the present moment.

Each day, for 20 or 30 minutes twice a day, I sit in silence. This is the commitment that I have been faithful to for over 35 years, my primary spiritual practice out of which all the others flow. It forms the foundation for my spiritual journey, the fertile ground out of which my faith has grown. I close my eyes and sit comfortably. I may use a sacred word, follow my breath or simply do my best to stay present with what is, gently calling my mind back when it inevitably wanders off into thinking. I abandon any responsibility for doing, for accomplishing, for being in charge, and allow myself simply to be here, in the present moment. I surrender all that I am and all that I have, in that moment, into God’s Hands, and there I find my delight in Her Presence, deep rest and full acceptance of what is.

Prayer: Dear God, I thank you for calling me to you through the practice of sacred silence. Meet me there. Amen.

Reflections on the Election

I am departing from my usual format today, because I feel called to respond to the results of this historic election. I spent last week in Mississippi, helping to restore homes destroyed by Hurricane Katrina, along with people from all over the country. I watched the election returns with a group of young people who are spending a year traveling around the country, contributing their hard work and sweat to all sorts of projects benefiting our nation through the Americorps program. Though they were Obama enthusiasts, I don't think they had the same visceral reaction I did. In some ways, I felt that the hopes I had as a college student in the late 60's were being realized. Though the issues are different, today's youth have been a significant instrument of change, as we had hoped to be back then. Though we were instrumental in stopping a war, it has taken 40 years to create a generation, and a context, that invites the full participation of our youth. That is extremely gratifying and moving to me.

I was also impressed with the response of both candidates to the results. Their speeches were both gracious and unifying, and it reminds me of something that often gets lost. There is much talk of red states and blue states, but in fact there are only purple states. Even in so-called red states, 30 - 49% of the population voted for Obama; in the blue states, a similar percentage voted for McCain. Even as they break down into counties, trying to parse ever and ever smaller units, using the monolithic colors of red and blue hides the reality that while my neighbor may have had an Obama sign on his lawn, a block away there was a McCain sign. And though the real divide may have something to do with rural vs. urban communities, even that breakdown will obscure the complex reality if we use these monolithic labels. Let's remember that we are all Americans wanting what is best for our country as we see it. Perhaps if we can attribute good motives to those who oppose us, we will be better able to listen to what they have to say. Perhaps it is not possible to forge one solution for the problems that beset so many communities; perhaps what we need is local solutions that respond to the complexities of local communities, a whole set of solutions that can be adapted to local needs. Though we are many communities, we are one nation, and now is the time to stand together with all our differences intact, not a melting pot really, more like a casserole.

Prayer: Dear God, It is easy to lump people together and dismiss them when I disagree with their point of view. Help me to see all people as Your beloved children, looking for a way to express Your divine spark, and honor them. Open my heart to hear their point of view, and give me the humility to recognize that I am not always right. Amen.

But I will weep

Jeremiah 48:30-31 “I know” God’s decree, “her rooster-crowing pride, the inflated claims, the sheer nothingness of Moab. But I will weep for Moab, yes, I will mourn the nation of Moab.”

Jeremiah is calling down the judgment of God on Moab because it failed to respond to His call and worshipped the gods of the fertility shrines. In a sense, these are God’s enemies, and the judgment against them is just, and yet God weeps, God mourns and has compassion for them in their fate.

In this heated election season, it is easy to fall prey to the demonizing of those who oppose us. Negative ads abound, accusations fly, sometimes from the campaigns themselves, sometimes from the self-appointed pundits of the 24-hour news cycle. It’s easy to forget in the back and forth that we are all Americans, we are all striving for what we think is best for our country. We are all human beings with faults and challenges, but touched by the same divine spark. Like a couple on the edge of divorce, battling over what’s best for our child, we need to recognize that all of us are needed to make this country the best it can be. We need conservatives and liberals, Democrats and Republicans, business people and artists, what the prayer book used to call all sorts and conditions of men. Longfellow said, “If we could read the secret history of our enemies we would find sorrow enough to disarm all hostility.” Jesus said, “Love your enemy.” Our very future as a country depends on our willingness and ability to do just that.

Prayer: Dear God, I know I harbor judgment and anger against those who oppose my views. Cleanse my heart and clear my vision so that I can hear their valid concerns, see their best intentions, and know them as an expression of Your Divine Love.

Amen.

I'm Not Through With You

Jeremiah 46:10 But it's not your day. It's the Master's, me, God-of-the-Angel-Armies--the day when I have it out with my enemies.

This verse caught me up, aroused in me such a sense of vulnerability, of being out of control, at the mercy of such powerful forces. In Jeremiah's time, it was the Babylonian army being used as God's instrument; today, it's the economy, as well as so much else that is going on in the world and my life. And there is this aspect of judgment, here, too, unforeseen consequences to deregulation, improper mortgages, obtuse investment instruments, the heady greed of prosperity which never satisfies but keeps people striving for more, more, more. I get it. I get caught up in it, too. I love the see the numbers go up in my stock accounts--and now I have to watch them plummet and seesaw. All that lust for money turns to panic that I won't have enough. My economic chickens are definitely coming home to roost!

So what keeps me grounded? I remember the last time the stock market took such a tumble. On October 19, 1987, the Dow dropped 25% (it was at 2000 at the time) and I remember this, not because I was paying attention to the stock market, but because that was the day my beloved husband, father of my only son, was diagnosed with lung cancer. That day was the beginning of his 6 month journey into death and the tearing apart of the family I had waited so long and eagerly for. I couldn't have cared less about the stock market. I knew what was important: him and our fragile family. And when I look back and see all that I lost -- and gained -- through his death, and remember how Jesus carried me through that difficult time, I know I can get through whatever these difficult times have in store for me because God is with me. As long as I walk His Paths, I can deal with whatever happens. As long as She is my foundation, I can withstand the storms. And if I have any doubt, Jeremiah has these words of encouragement: "But I won't finish you off. I have more work to do on you"

Prayer: Dear God, You have given me so many blessings. Open my heart in compassion to all who suffer during these disastrous times and lead me to a new way of living Your call that I may embody Your loving Presence in the world in a transformative way. Amen.

Things Will Get Worse

Jeremiah 45:5 So forget about making any plans for yourself. Things are going to get worse before they get better.


What an eerie echo of today’s mood! Jeremiah is giving God’s word to his assistant, Baruch, after the Babylonian army has taken the kingdom of Judah into exile and devastated the land. Today we are dealing with an economic meltdown whose effects are just beginning to tipple out to the economy. Both situations are unprecedented; greed and corruption also played a role in each. What is God’s advice? Don’t make plans.

I find myself sitting quietly a lot, doing what needs to be done, but not thinking too far ahead. It seems a good time for trust in God. There’s not much I can do anyway, except worry, and that’s no help. So I throw my lot in with god, my rock, my foundation, my salvation. I stay present with God in the now, keeping my thoughts focused on just the next step. I trust that whatever happens I’ll be able to deal with it, with God’s help. I pray and open my heart in compassion for all those who are already suffering far more than I am and I rest in hope for a brighter day ahead. We will get through this. I am sure our lives will be changed, that we will be changed and I pray god’s grace will help us all find a way for the change we are undergoing to be for a new and better way of being in our communities, our country and our world. Crisis is a time of danger and opportunity. I know we all see the danger. I pray that we, and our leaders, also see the opportunity.

Prayer: Dear God, Our country, indeed our world, is going through a time of enormous transition. Help us and our leaders discern Your Guiding Hand taking us to a better way. Help us re-envision our country to better conform to our mission of freedom and justice for all. Amen.

A bunch of Liars

Jeremiah 29:9 Don’t pay any attention to the fantasies they keep coming up with to please you. They’re a bunch of liars preaching lies.

Jeremiah is speaking of the false prophets of his age, those who assuaged the fears of his countrymen by insisting that the Babylonian captivity would be short-lived, that the exiles would be returning home in one or two years, instead of the 70 God had promised. But it brings up an important question in any age: How do you tell the truth tellers – the true prophets – from the liars, the ones who just tell us what we want to hear?

In this election season it seems this question is central. As I watch all the pundits discuss our financial difficulties and analyze the two candidates – and watching the candidates themselves and how they report on each other in their speeches and their ads – it is a continual process of sifting through all the talk to try to discern what is accurate and what is inaccurate, what the situation actually is. And how do I hear the voice of God through all the clamor? This economic meltdown certainly has elements that feel like Judgment: judgment on those who put together these shaky mortgage instruments to make a buck, irresponsible buyers and the abandonment of all regulatory safeguards. And as in the ancient days of the Kingdom of Israel, the whole country is going to feel the effects of this “Judgment”. Looking back at our own situation, we can identify some who tried to warn us of the storm ahead -- these would be the true, economic prophets of our time – but going forward it’s not possible to know who’s telling the truth and who’s not because we really don’t know how things will unfold. Even the effects of the Rescue plan are not predetermined; some say it will work, others that it will help and still others tell us that it’s the wrong solution. It can be very confusing and disheartening and it’s hard to know who to believe.

It must have been like that for the Israelites, too. It’s easy to look back and say, “They should have known God would punish their disloyalty,” but they, like us, were riding high on a bubble of military superiority. They thought it would never end, just as many thought housing prices would always go up, that God was permanently in their corner, some of them right up to the day they were taken into captivity! Looked at it that way, it’s a cautionary tale I can relate to because humanity seems to keep living it out over and over again.

Prayer: Dear God, It’s tempting to feel that I know better than these ancient peoples, that I could have sidestepped their problems, but I see that human beings continue to fall into the same traps. Let that knowledge give me a humble heart and help me keep You in the forefront of my thought. Amen

Fountains of Tears

Jeremiah 9:1 I wish my head were a well of water and my eyes fountains of tears, so I could weep day and night for casualties among my dear, dear people.

Sometimes I feel like Jeremiah when I read or hear of or even think about all the terrible things going on in the world. Could there be enough tears, enough sorrow and grief for all the victims of violence and genocide? Of injustice and oppression? Of earthquake, storm and fire? How do I keep my heart open to the world’s pain without drowning in it?

I guess this is what I think the purpose of faith in God is, and the purpose of the practices of faith: prayer, meditation, community, reading scripture. It is in these experiences of the Presence of God that my self is grounded and out of which my compassion springs. Later on Jeremiah quotes God saying don’t brag about anything except that you understand and know me. Well, I’d certainly never claim that I understand God. Who can understand the ultimate mystery? But that I know God, that these practices keep me in touch with God, or at least open to God’s Presence, this is the foundation of my faith, the ground of my Being.

I feel as if I am coming up through thick, heavy water filled with seaweed, marsh grass and layers and layers of debris, as if I have been underwater for some time and I am still struggling to get to the surface. It is slow getting back into this practice, but I am still drawn here and find, like today, that if I persist in my efforts, I have the reward of sitting here and speaking from my heart to my unknown audience. I will keep trying to recover some consistency and ask whoever you are or aren’t to be patient, hold me in your hearts and keep coming back.

Prayer: Dear God, There are times I know You and Your will for me so clearly, and others that I am caught up in doubt, second guessing and confusion. Help me persevere so that my life can be a song of Your Presence serenading the world. Amen.

A homesick soul

Deuteronomy 28:66 God will give you a restless heart, longing eyes, a homesick soul. You will live in constant jeopardy, terrified of every shadow, never knowing what you'll meet around the next corner.

Moses is on the plain speaking to the Israelites; here he is describing what will happen if they fail to follow God and God's commandments. This struck me as a perfect description of what life is like without the foundation of faith, of God, at least what it was like for me and many others I meet. The restless heart is looking for rest in God, the eyes longing for a vision of God, the soul looking for a home. It is to be beset with fear and worry about the future, about what comes next – and goodness knows, even with faith it is easy to be taken over by fear. But fear and faith are mutually exclusive, they can’t occupy the same space. Where I have faith, fear does not enter; where fear takes over, faith is hard to find. That is why the practices of faith are so important.

Deuteronomy 28:9 God will form you as a holy people to Him, just as He promised you, if you keep the commandments of God, your God, and live the way He has shown you.

Here Moses is describing the blessings that will come as long as the Israelites remain faithful to God. And it is precisely in the practices of faith – prayer and meditation, reading scripture, service to others, being in community, and following the commandments to love God and our neighbor with all that we have and all that we are – that over time forms us into the holy likeness of God, a loving and compassionate presence toward all creation. Just as the water crashing on the rocks gradually softens their sharp angles and eventually pounds them into sand, so these practices slowly, gradually, inch by inch change us, mold us, open our hearts in compassion to the world around us. And therein lies true fulfillment. It is all preparation for the indwelling of the Holy Spirit which enables us to live out our calling. The paradox is that when I am truly emptied of myself, and filled only with God, then and only then do I become the fullness of all that I am and can be.

Prayer: Dear God, I thank you for the gift of Your practices, the call that invited me into this life and the many small and subtle ways You continue to form my heart. Let me know the joy of total surrender to Your will that I may fulfill the plan you have laid out for me. Amen.

No Moabite!

Deuteronomy 23:3 No Ammonite or Moabite is to enter the kingdom of God, even to the tenth generation, nor any of his children.

Here we have some of the Laws of Moses, spoken by him in his last sermon on the plain before entering the Promised Land. The message seems pretty clear. Just three books later, however, we have the book of Ruth, the story of a Moabite woman who does not just become part of the Israelite community, but also becomes the great grandmother to the greatest king in Israel’s history, King David. Is she the exception that proves the rule? What is going on here?

The Bible is full of just these kinds of contradictions. The Jewish tradition, as well as the Orthodox Christian tradition, finds it easy to hold conflicting and contradictory messages in one’s mind, which is why, when the Bible was assembled, no attempt was made to smooth out all these differences and make them agree. You can see the same spirit at work in the record of the four Gospels of the New Testament. We Western Christians, however, want everything tied down and clear; we want to get our instructions without confusion so we know exactly what to do. These kinds of contradictions tend to frustrate us: which one is it?

I wonder if that isn’t part of the Wisdom the Bible holds. Perhaps we can find God even in the confusion. Perhaps the point is that life is too complex to go through just applying a bunch of rules to every situation. Perhaps we are meant to struggle with the particulars in our lives, to struggle with the meaning of scripture, with how to discern God’s will in the circumstances in which we find ourselves. If I just apply the rules, without actually grappling with what is happening and praying for God’s guidance and intervention, how can I see when God is calling me into a new direction? If Peter hadn’t been open to new directions in Acts (Acts 10:9-29) none of us Gentiles would even be Christians.

Prayer: Dear God, Sometimes I want answers that are clear and easy; it’s hard to sit with the messiness and ambiguity of life. Help me remember that no matter how messy it gets you are there to guide me, and open my heart to discern your call. Amen.

Love him with all you've got

Deuteronomy 6:5 Love God, your God, with your whole heart; love him with all that’s in you; love him with all you’ve got.

I had a very difficult week-end, full of stress and the feeling that things had backslid terribly. I was feeling discouraged, depressed, hopeless, futile, anxious and despairing about my situation. Then this verse arrested me and made me think.

If I am really trying to do what is described here, is there room for anything else? If this is my plan for the day, all my anxieties fall into place; none of them is about this and yet this is what’s important. So can I let go of the circumstances that call forth despair and hopelessness and just focus on God and how I can love God with everything that I have and everything that I am? If I attend to God, perhaps I don’t need to attend to anything else.

So I asked myself, how will I love and worship God today? And the answer came: by caring for myself, caring for my partner and my family; by using gentleness and kindness instead of anger and judgment, compassion instead of hate, for myself as well as for others; by holding fast to my goal and God’s promise in the face of doubt and fear and lack of progress; by moving forward even when the pace is painfully slow; by rejoicing in all my blessings and working to manifest God’s peace and beauty in my physical surroundings; by loving life, creation and all whom I meet; by holding it all reverently, being present with it all using an open and compassionate heart; by being present; by being.

Prayer: Dear God, You fill my life with unending joy and peace if I can only stay open to You. Bring my attention to Your will for my life so that everything else sits in proper perspective to the overpowering awe of Your Presence. Amen.

Bring them here

Matthew 14:17-18 “All we have are five loaves of bread and two fish,” they said. Jesus said, “Bring them here.”

I know, I know, I am jumping around again, but in a sermon on Sunday I heard such a new take on this story, I had to share it. This is, of course, the famous feeding of the 5000 (men that is, more if you count the women and children). There are only five loaves and two fish, but everyone eats his or her fill, and there are 12 baskets of leftovers. It’s a miracle. But the preacher on Sunday said that if you only think of this as a miracle you’re missing the point. The point is to bring what you have to the table. It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t seem like enough; it will never be enough. It doesn’t matter if you don’t know exactly what to do with it, or how to use it, just bring it to the table, and let it be transformed by God, and watch what happens.

For some reason, this was a real aha moment for me. I spend a lot of time thinking and wondering about what I am doing with my life: is it what Jesus wants of me; what are the gifts I have to offer; what should I be doing with them; how should I be offering them. And this simple point seemed to cut through all that wondering and worrying, because none of that really matters. What I need to do is just to step up and offer them, bring them to the table, and let them do as little or as much as they can, and letting God do the rest. It seems to me it really delineates who’s responsible for what. I am responsible for offering. I can’t solve all the world’s problems; what I can do is offer. All the rest is up to God. Mother Theresa said it this way: “Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; give the best you've got anyway.”

This requires stepping forward not knowing what will happen, offering without a plan. That is scary. I’m used to figuring things out, having a plan, moving forward, monitoring the results, making adjustments, but all that is the way of the world, the way of self-sufficiency, of achievement, of “I am in charge”. The key that is so hard to keep remembering is that I am not in charge; everything is in God’s hands. I have no idea what God is going to do with what I offer, and in a funny kind of way, it’s not my business! That’s God’s business. I just need to offer and trust. This is the way of faith.

Prayer: Dear God, When I offer my gifts, I know I am still looking for results, to see the effects of my actions. Help me remember that You are in charge, give me the faith to trust that You will use my gifts to further Your plan, and teach me to be content with the offering, even if “nothing happens”. Amen

Life has gotten so busy, so it seems a good time to put up something I wrote some time ago. It has become such a necessity for my life, a weekly renewal of spirit, that I wanted to share it with you.

Exodus 20:8 Observe the Sabbath Day to keep it holy.

I thought it appropriate here to share with you my Sabbath practice. God set aside one day in the week for rest. We live in a 24/7 world. Many among us are working at demanding jobs – sometimes 2 or 3 – in an effort to take care of our families. Others just keep going 24/7 because we don’t know how to stop. The biggest health crisis in the country may be lack of rest, and the insatiable urges that are the result. Taking time each week to do nothing, but just rest in the Presence, could be the most important thing we can do for our health and wellbeing. At least, that’s what I decided was right for me.

I started by speaking to a couple of Jewish friends who observe Sabbath to find out what they do. Then I focused on what steps I could commit to. On Saturday evening at sundown I light 2 candles and say a short prayer. I turn off the TV, the computer, the radio and don’t answer the phone until Sunday evening. I try to refrain from any activity that invites me into achievement or accomplishment. Abraham Herschel, in his poetic meditation on The Sabbath, speaks of the kind of rest you have when there is nothing more to be done; it is all finished; that is the attitude I try to bring to my Sabbath time. Some Sundays all I do is go to church and sleep. On Monday morning, through, I usually find myself refreshed and ready to move forward again, spiritually recharged. Many people cannot set aside a whole day, but even an hour or two of quiet rest without expectations or distractions can reconnect you with Spirit.

So that is why I don’t blog on Sunday.

Prayer: Dear God, We live in a world that constantly calls us to do, and measures us by what or how well we do, when all You want from us is to Be Present. Teach us to stop and be still and rest in your Divine Arms, knowing that to come back to You is to come back to ourselves. Amen.

A peaceful neighborhood

Isaiah 32:17-18 And where there’s right, there’ll be peace and the progeny of Right: quiet lives and endless trust. My people will live in a peaceful neighborhood—in safe houses, in quiet gardens.

There are few less peaceful neighborhoods than in the Palestinian villages and Israeli settlements of the West Bank. I recently saw a documentary called Encounter Point that follows the work of Israelis and Palestinians who have lost family members in the conflict; out of their shared grief, they have begun not only talking to each other, but also working in their own communities to change the conversation about the conflict. They try to convey the futility of the current situation, where violence begets more violence, and argue for at least a change of tactics to a nonviolent approach. Both sides run up against suspicion and dehumanization of the other in their own communities, fully justified by the opposing sides historic acts. It is a tough sell. Yet here, in these verses of Isaiah, is what seems to be the best argument: you cannot build security on oppression and injustice, and peace is the only path to peace, as violence only engenders more violence. Each of these participants could be poster children for the violent movements in their communities, but they choose instead to put aside revenge, create their own meaning for their loss and engage in the difficult path of nonviolence, hoping to spare other families, even those on the other side, the painful loss they live with every day. This is true courage, and even though few, if any, of them are ”Christian” it seems to me that they are living Christ’s message nonetheless.

Prayer: Dear God, You have given me an example of fortitude and courage in the lives of these men and women who suffer every day from the effects of violence and historic hatred. Give me the same courage to stand up for justice not just with those who agree with me, but also with those who may challenge my views, that I may be an effective witness to the world’s suffering. Amen.

A towering, badly built wall

Isaiah 30:12-13 Therefore, The Holy of Israel says this: “Because you scorn this Message, preferring to live by injustice and shape your lives on lies, this perverse way of life will be like a towering, badly built wall that slowly, slowly tilts and shifts and then one day, without warning, collapses—

The prophets of old tell us over and over that a society built on injustice cannot survive. It has always made sense to me that I am concretely better off in a society where poor people have enough to eat and a place to live, where their children can get a good education, not just because of the ways these problems might “inconvenience” me by having to confront them in my everyday life (like seeing homeless people living on the street), but because the fabric of a society is stronger if its citizens basic needs are met. There are more human resources to deal with crises and natural disasters, there is more human capital for the running of the society and more brain power to address unmet needs and other problems that will continue to exist. We’re not going to get rid of inequality – even Jesus said “the poor will always be with you”, but the level of inequality is increasing steadily. Worldwide, the richest 1% owns 40% of the wealth (Everything Must Change, Brian McLaren). In the United States, the top 1% earn 20.3% of society’s income, a level bested only by the 21.1% in 1928, and we know what happened the next year. Can we stop this trend in that has already led to the greatest inequality in the U.S. since the Gilded Age, an age of robber barons and monopolies (if I have my historical eras correct)?

Interdisciplinary research is starting to look at not just the causes of inequality, but also some of the effects. It is pretty well documented that poverty and racism contribute to the poor health of African Americans, through such effects as high blood pressure, higher rates of illnesses such as diabetes and poorer outcomes with diseases such as cancer. What is surprising and interesting in this new research, which I read about in the Harvard Magazine (July – August, 2008), is that they are finding that even the well off in societies with gross inequalities between rich and poor also affects the health of the rich, giving them shorter lifespans than they might have enjoyed in a society with a lower level of inequality. And of course, there are the other, more political effects, of instability and, in many countries, armed conflict. But it seems to me, a more basic question is, “What kind of country/community do I want to live in?” God intended the Israelites to be a model community for the world, to show other nations how to care for their sick and disadvantaged, their “widows and orphans”. Because of their failure, God calls out judgment upon them. If I am called to the Christian path, I cannot ignore the call to address such egregious inequality not just in my personal life, but at a systemic level. How to do that is something each person must decide, but that God calls us there is undeniable.

Prayer: Dear God, You are opening my heart to the injustices of the world. Open my eyes also to ways to address these injustices, through my personal decision making and my participation in the larger political and economic structures of our society. Give me the courage to be a prophetic voice calling attention to the needs of those at the lower rungs of our socio-economic ladder, and to stand with my brothers and sisters in pain and need against the forces that oppress them. Amen.

I wrote this in June, when I was trying to get back in touch with this practice:

Isaiah 2:3 He’ll show us the way he works so we can live the way we’re made.

The Message

I love this idea: that God’s ways fit the way we are made; that learning to live by God’s laws is to put ourselves in the flow of life, rather than taking ourselves out of it or trying to live by some artificial set of rules. Of course, our ego, our desires, often work at cross purposes to the ways of the Divine, but that’s not because those ways don’t work for us. As anyone who has ever gotten into a mess because of the call of desire – whether it’s shopping, or love, addiction or just the determination to show that I know what I’m doing and I can fix my life myself and follow my own bullheadedness – ego often sets us up for self-defeat. I think that is what is meant by “pride goeth before a fall”. It’s not that we shouldn’t feel good about who we are and what we are able to do, but it’s the lack of perspective, that we rely too heavily on what we can accomplish ourselves, and leave God and others out of the equation.

I was listening to Sidney Poitier talk about his life the other night, and he was so intent on pointing out that there were many times in his life where he came that close to disaster, to ending up like so many other young, African American men either dead or in jail, that he could not credit himself fully with his success. He was aware that luck, or providence, or outside spiritual forces (forces was the word he used) had for some reason saved him from the potential results of his own behavior.

So I have been gone for a while, away from this practice, and I can see again the need. It helps me stay focused, centered, grounded in the idea of God, and what that means in my life. It reminds me that I am not the center of things, and that only by allying myself with the Divine Other will I find my true core, discover my purpose, and fulfill my deepest hopes and longings.

Prayer: Dear God, Sometimes I forget how deeply ingrained you are in my very being. Help me remember, take the time, create the space to feel Your Divine Presence, to follow the practices that bring me into Your Ways. Amen

Deathly and deadening silence

Isaiah 16:9b – 10 The joyful shouting at harvest is gone. Instead of song and celebration, dead silence. No more boisterous laughter in the orchards, no more hearty work songs in the vineyards. Instead of the bustle and sound of good work in the fields, silence—deathly and deadening silence.

This is god’s judgment on Moab, once arrogant, self-important, insufferable. These are hard passages to read. My heart hurts to think of all the people gone, the laughter silenced and replaced by mourning. I think of the many places in the world where such wholesale slaughter goes on, where people are suffering such terrible losses – due to tsunamis, earthquakes and floods, but also due to human conflict, violence and ethnic “cleansing”. It’s hard to even begin to take in all the human suffering this represents, the particular families and individuals who mourn the loss of family members and friends, of home and country, of health and physical wholeness.

There’s also, though, another, more prophetic word that speaks to me here: this is the fate of all empires, eventually to decline, their place taken by whoever arises next. Pride and arrogance can lead societies, just as it can individuals, into unsustainable relationships with both other cultures and the environment, as Jared Diamond so carefully documents in Collapse. It can take us out over our heads, past the point of no return – too far, as in the commercial about an SUV which can go “anywhere”, till it’s on a raft headed for a waterfall. Will we heed the call to mend our ways, to address the circumstances that threaten us – the growing gap worldwide between rich and poor, our unsustainable exploitation of the environment and natural resources, and the violence which erupts in so many parts of the globe, displacing and destroying whole communities? Or will we remain silent in the face of suffering, as did the false prophets of old?

Prayer: Dear God, It is overwhelming to contemplate the suffering in the world, and to wonder what I, one individual, can do about it. Give me the courage and the vision Mother Theresa talks about when she admonishes us to act anyway, even if our actions cannot change what we see, to love anyway, even if our love cannot be enough. Help me step out in faith, as Abraham did when he left his home to wander, with no vision of his future but God’s word. Amen.

Your everyday, ordinary life

Romans 12:1 So here’s what I want you to do. Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering.

I know, I know, I’ve skipped to Romans, and I’ve been in Isaiah, but I decided today I wanted to talk about an amazing process of listening to scripture called Lectio Divina. I was in a small group for about 15 years, and it became the main focus of our time together. We would choose the Gospel passage that was going to be preached on the following Sunday, and went through this process with it. So here is how it goes in a nutshell:

1. Someone reads the passage and everyone else listens. Then, after a brief silence, and going around the group starting with the person on the reader’s right (it’s important to have a plan for how to share, what the plan is is less important) people share what word or phrase stood out for them, or they say “pass”.

2. Someone reads the passage a second time and everyone listens. This time, they listen for how the passage touches their life, for some kind of sensory or emotional connection they make, putting themselves into the passage. When they share, they might answer the question: what do you feel, taste, see, experience? Or they say “pass”.

3. Someone reads the passage a third time and everyone listens. This time, they listen for an invitation for the next few days, something they are invited to say or do. They share that invitation, or say “pass”.

4. Everyone prays silently for the person on his/her right for 3 – 5 minutes.

OK, I’m sharing this with you because I have had the most extraordinary experiences listening to scripture in this way. I use a similar process with my reading – I notice which verse or verses stand out for me – but because I’m reading larger chunks of scripture I don’t read it 3 times. I also find it’s quite a different experience listening rather than reading. At my last, new small group meeting almost 2 weeks ago we used a passage from Romans that included this verse, and when the invitation step came around, this was what jumped out.

So I did it. For the next almost week, every morning as I sat in silence (my meditation time) I remembered to offer my ordinary life to God. Sort of a, “This one’s for you” thing. And what was amazing was the extraordinary peace and contentment I experienced during that time. It was enough! My life, just as it was, was sufficient, fulfilling, satisfying and rich. Now, I was on vacation, on a trip, but some of the circumstances were very trying, believe me!!! And, it’s also not that I haven’t found a level of peace and contentment in my life anyway, but somehow this just increased it to a new level. And helped me enjoy my trip even more, and the people I was with, and the circumstances surrounding it, and even the frustrations were much less aggravating.

What I’ve found particularly striking about my experience doing Lectio in groups is how often people will hear entirely different things! Now, that’s not always the case; sometimes, we’re all on a wavelength, and the invitation in the passage hits us in a similar manner, but often people are hearing wildly different things, things that are specific to their own lives. And when you approach this process with quiet and a sense of the presence of the Spirit, scripture can become your own personal Spiritual Director, addressing the particular needs of your current circumstances, and drawing you toward God, and an increasing awareness of God in your life, that can be quite extraordinary. I invite you to try it.

Prayer: Dear God, I have heard Your call recently to share the contemplative gifts You have brought into my life. I thank You for this call, and the encouragement You offer me. I offer up this blog, and my work and my relationships and my ordinary, everyday life to You as an offering of love, honor and joy, in gratitude for all You have blessed me with. Amen.

Harvest of Righteousness

It has been two months since I have written here. I spent a fabulous week in Mississippi working on houses damaged by Hurricane Katrina, and found freedom surrendering to the schedule they establish for you at Camp Coast Care. I have been celebrating with family and friends out of town my recent birthday. I spent another fabulous week writing an icon while on retreat (I'll post a picture when I finally finish it) which is one of the many contemplative practices that I enjoy, and a refreshing week with dear friends who have let me graft my branch on to their family tree. So it has been a time of travel, and fun, and relaxation, but I have gotten away from my daily spiritual practices, so here I am, wanting to re-engage with Eugene Peterson's The Message, his contemporary paraphrase of the Bible, and with all the history and tradition that stands behind it. I am also thinking about how to shift this blog, perhaps, just a tad, to bring in more of my practices and experiences, as I use Bible reading as spiritual guide in my call to live the Christian life. I would be happy to hear questions, suggestions, ideas that any of you have that I could incorporate here.

Isaiah 5:7b He looked for a crop of justice and saw them murdering each other. He looked for a harvest of righteousness and heard only the moans of victims.

Isaiah has just used the analogy of a vineyard and its owner to represent the relationship between the kingdom of Israel and God. God has lavished Israel with tender care and in return sees selfishness, greed, hatred and war.

Life is a gift. This incredible planet on which we live is a gift. Do I look at each day and all it offers me as a gift, as a manifestation of the love and care of a Divine Creator, or am I caught up in my own head – my problems, my feelings, my insecurities, my petty ego desires? In the half full/half empty debate, faith calls me to see the good that is in m life rather than bemoan what is missing. Einstein said that either everything is a miracle or nothing is, and my faith calls me to see the miraculous in every moment, the beauty that surrounds me, the good food I get to eat, the time that is mine to use, the people that I know and love that move in my life. Rather than focusing on what is missing, let me notice my blessings and be grateful.

Prayer: Dear God, I want to be sweet grapes for your delight, ro appreciate all that you have given me, and live out a blessing on the world. Help me keep to that path and be grateful for each day’s miracles. Amen.

They don't act like it

Hosea 8:2 Predictably, Israel cries out, “My God! We know you!” But they don’t act like it.

We all know people who profess to be “Christian”, but they don’t act like it. They’re mean, spiteful and judgmental. They hate their enemies and aren’t too crazy about their neighbors. They’re out for themselves, oblivious to the needs and experience of those around them. They’re the kind of Christians that give Christianity a bad name.

But then I have to ask, ‘What do people see when they look at me in the world?’ Do they see someone who is passionate about living out Christ’s call or someone who’s just as caught up in the pettiness of life as anyone else? I’d guess that what they see in large part depends on my mood that day. My rector likes to tell stories about moments when she is just about to unload all her annoyance and irritation on some service person or other, and they say something like, “Oh, I know you! You’re the rector at that church…” Then she has to think before she descends to hate and vitriol. It reminds her of who she is, of whose she is, and she chooses to address the situation differently. I wear a cross around my neck. Mostly it’s a witness to who I am, but I think also it’s a reminder that if I am to embody Christ in the world, I need to be accountable. That cross helps me; it lets other people see who I am trying to be, and as such it keeps me honest.

Prayer: Dear God, Help me remember whose I am when I walk around in the world, and that my purpose in life is to be Your Presence to others. Amen.

*I am off to a week in Mississippi working on houses for Katrina relief. Don't know if I'll be able to post while I am there -- it's a busy week! I'll be back the following week.

Recognizing God

Hosea 5:4b They wouldn’t recognize God if they saw me.

Do I recognize God in my life? Can I see the Hand of the Divine at work in my world? If God is everywhere, then God is always here with me now. What does it take to open my senses to God’s presence? Huston Smith, a religious scholar who has been interviewed frequently by Bill Moyers, wrote in one of his books that: Atheists believe there is no God, polytheists believe there are many gods, monotheists believe there is one God and mystics believe there is only God. Ever since I read that I’ve known that mysticism called to me. Einstein said that either nothing is a miracle, or everything is a miracle. It’s a choice, and I choose the wonder and curiosity of the miraculous every time. But choosing and living are not the same. How do I live the awareness of the Presence of the Holy One?

Karen Armstrong points out that the God of the mystics is approached primarily through the organ of the creative imagination, the image-making, non-linear side of the brain. In the book My Stroke of Insight, its author describes her experience of oceanic transcendence as a stroke put her linear, left brain out of commission. And what is the benefit? A sense of deep peace and connection with all that is, the life all around us: other people, other species and all of creation.

So today, my intention is to see God everywhere I look, in ugliness as well as beauty, in struggle as well as peace, in raucous activity as well as quietness. I can only do that by slowing down, breathing and taking each moment as it comes, encouraging myself to notice the silence between the words, the ineffable in everything I touch, and to behold it all with the heart of compassion.

Prayer: Dear God, I long to see Your presence and beauty every moment of my life. Open the eyes of my heart to better apprehend Your Divine Being all around me in the people and things of the every day. Amen.

You didn't notice me

Amos 4:10b But you didn’t notice me. You continued to ignore me.

Everyone wants to be noticed. One of the deepest human longings is to be seen by someone else, and that longing is what drives the quest for intimacy. It’s what children most desire from their parents and what partners most need from each other. Too often, the patterns of every day living, the small adjustments made to avoid conflict come between partners and get in the way of really seeing each other. Instead, I see the person who disappointed me or hurt my feelings, and slowly, incrementally, my reactions to past events block out the shape and essence of the person standing in front of me.

So how do we get back to really seeing each other, paying attention that is really giving each other our full attention the way we do in those first heady rushes of falling in love? How do I wipe the glass clear of the past so I can gaze without hindrance on the face of my beloved? Perhaps this can help: Can I see the other with the eyes of God? Can I see the face of God in my partner’s face and open my eyes to the wonder of who he or she is? Can I see anew with the eyes of Love?

Prayer: Dear God, As I struggle to move forward in a way that pleases You and honors us all, help me to use your eyes and heart to truly apprehend my partner, who he is and what he needs. Then give me clarity to properly discern my path. Amen.

Going to the same place?

Amos 3:3 Do two people walk hand in hand if they aren’t going to the same place?

Amos is laying out examples of natural consequences as a prophet foretelling judgment on both Israel and Judah, but this line got me thinking about relationships.

At the start of a relationship, people take hands, assuming they’re going to the same place. When their goals become clearer and still the same, they may marry. But what happens if, as they walk down the path of marriage together, they grow and change and start wanting to go to different places? Then, they start pulling on each other, each one wanting the other to join them on their path and what you can end up with is a full-on power struggle. What they don’t see is that their paths are diverging, that they need to let go, follow their paths and see if they come together again, at a different stage of life perhaps. I think of couples with small children, where one is working outside the home, and the other is immersed in a world of first diapers and feedings, then play dates, school, meals and so on. They both feel their contribution is undervalued, that the partner doesn’t understand their experience. Many will reconnect as the children get older, but other couples find themselves, after the children have left, with a partner they’ve completely lost touch with. Then they need to ask, “Are we headed in the same direction?”

It’s difficult to see when the road divides, and it gets harder and harder to hold onto the partner’s hand. A good question at that time might be, “Where are we going? Do we still want the same things in life? Or is it time to let go?”

Prayer: Dear God, You call us into relationship and I wonder, do You sometimes call us out of them as well? Help me discern the path that is best for both of us, that will call us both into a fuller, richer life in You. Amen.

He makes his move

2Chronicles 22:12-23:1 He was there with her, hidden away for six years in the Temple of God. Athaliah, oblivious to his existence, ruled the country. In the seventh year the priest Jehoiada decided to make his move and worked out a strategy…

Queen Athaliah, after the death of her son, the King of Judah, has ruthlessly murdered all the King’s brothers so that she might rule instead. She doesn’t know that baby Joash has been saved, hidden away in the Temple of God. Jehoiada the priest knows about Joash, but he doesn’t reveal the boy right away. He bides his time, until the time is ripe, and then makes his move.

How often have I leapt to get something done only to have it blow up in my face? How often have I stubbornly persisted in something, just wanting to get it completed, only to have it get hopelessly messed up in the process? When is the time to let go, and recognize the time is not right, and when should I persevere to follow through on my intentions? Jehoiada waited, and developed a strategy, and when the time was ready, he acted. Perhaps this is one of the greatest fruits of my walk in faith, is the ability to wait when necessary, and act wholeheartedly when the time is ready. As long as I see myself as in control, the responsibility thoroughly on my shoulders, I tend to keep plunging along, even though everything around me is telling me that things are not going as they should. Faith, and the recognition that God is in control and all I need to do is to surrender to God’s will, empowers me to see what exists, wait till the moment is right, and act with purpose out of my whole being. That is what I would call Right Action, and, especially with messy, human situations, it is usually the most effective action. When I can wait with God, my whole being in readiness until the moment arises, my action is then a direct response to circumstances and is able to cooperate with the conditions which have arisen, rather than trying through blind will to force a solution that I think is right, but may not be the best overall.

Prayer: Dear God, I know that Your will unfolding in me and my life offers my best hope for fulfillment. Give me patience and courage to abide with You, trusting that Your Divine Hand will lead the way and call right action forth from me when the time is right. And give me confidence to know that I will have the ability to do all that is necessary, and that You will provide whatever else I need. Amen.

Just stand firm

2Chronicles 20:17a You won’t have to lift a hand in this battle; just stand firm.

Sometimes all that is required of us in difficult situations is to show up and hold our ground.

I get very intimidated by difficult conversations. I try to plan out what I want to say, figure out what’s going to happen. I think of all the fancy retorts I can use, plan the battle strategy, figure out my defensive positions. In other words, I get ready for battle. All the fear and anxiety, though, ends up shutting me down, and I put it off, distracting myself with books and other enterainments. This verse reminded me that a conversation, especially a difficult one, doesn’t require a battle plan or a defensive strategy. I am called to be a peacemaker, or at least not to retaliate, so I don’t really need all that thinking and planning, which doesn’t get me anywhere anyway. This understanding of my call, and the knowledge that God is with me, allows me to engage in a difficult conversation, say what I need to say in as gentle a manner as I can, and hold my ground in whatever emotional upheaval occurs without responding in kind. In this way, I honor the path God calls me to, I honor the cherished child of God that my partner is, and I honor myself as well.

Don’t just do something; stand there! Sometimes, when God is in charge, that is all that is needed.

Prayer: Dear God, I am so grateful for the way that You lift these heavy burdens off my shoulders when I am willing to surrender my agenda to You. Give me the strength, courage and confidence to meet my difficulties with equanimity and compassion for all the others involved, that I may reflect Your love to those around me. Amen.

Cursed things

This entry from the archives lifted my spirits, and helped me deal with a difficult week this morning:

Joshua 7:13 You won’t be able to face your enemies until you have gotten rid of your cursed things.

Joshua, the invincible, has lost an important battle. He prostrates himself before the Lord to find out what is wrong. The problem is one of his men have kept precious things from a previous battle, things which are tainted with the Canaanite gods, and were to be destroyed. It struck me that there is a deep, psychological truth here. The cursed things within us – our hatreds, our greed and covetousness, our projections of our evil impulses onto others and our arrogant holding on to only “positive” traits, that make us look and sound good -- all these things divide us internally, give us vulnerable attack points. It is only when we acknowledge, accept and are cleansed of their power – that is cleansed of the curse of them because we recognize the fault in us—that we can stand firmly in our own integrity, unassailable. These are the tools, the weapons our ‘enemies’ use against us, but if we acknowledge them and hold them ourselves, they can’t trip us up. This is the genius of 12-Step. It gets us focused where we have the most power, addressing our own behavior. Then, when we take a stand, we are standing for something – ourselves and what we need and deserve rather than against the other person, in all their brokenness. If we don’t attack, we are not as vulnerable to counter-attack, and if we know our faults, we can stand strong in who we are, the broken places stronger than the smooth ones because of the power of healing. It is through our brokenness that we actually can form strong alliances with others, a cohesiveness that comes from sharing brokenness stronger than that which comes from sharing strength, because it is more true.

Prayer: Dear God Help me always to look at myself first, to be ever mindful of my own flaws and brokenness and then to take and hold whatever stand you call me to. Amen

This one fell on his knees

2Kings 1:13 The king then sent a third captain with his fifty men. For a third time, a captain with his fifty approached Elijah. This one fell on his knees in supplication.

The first two captains and their 50 men each have been incinerated by lightning called down by Elisha; they were sent to command Elisha, a prophet of God, and Elisha’s response was to show that no one but God commanded him. This captain, though, doesn’t try to boss Elisha, as the previous two did, but instead humbles himself, essentially throwing himself on the prophet’s mercy. This humbling of himself breaks the stalemate, and saves his life and the life of his men.

How often, when I am in a tug of war with someone, do I think to relinquish my position of being “right” and humble myself before the other? I think particularly of struggles in relationships with people I love. It is very hard for me to either admit being “wrong” or to approach the person with some sense of humility rather than an agenda to show them something: where they’ve done wrong or where they could improve. This suggests that finding a moment of humility might be a better course, to lower the heat of conflict, defuse the situation and open a path to a different kind of conversation. John Ruusbroec, a 14^th century Flemish Christian mystic, describes humility as “an interior bowing of the heart and mind before the transcendent majesty of God.” (James Wiseman, O.S.B., translator) Just as this captain bows in humility before Elisha in homage to the God that he represents, I can bow in humility before my partner, friend or family member, honoring the God that manifests in their being. I do this not to get a result, but to honor the other as a child of God, and remind myself that we are both under God’s power and the walk of Christ calls me to bow before Him in everything I do, even in an argument.

Prayer: Dear God, As I continue to struggle with my relationship, let me always remember that we are both Your children and so contain the light of Your presence within us. Teach me to honor that both in him and in myself, that I may submit my will to Yours in all things and thus reap the joy and fullness of the life You call me to. Amen