At the full market price

1Chronicles21:24 David replied to Araunah, “No, I’m buying it from you, and at the full market price. I’m not going to offer God sacrifices that are no sacrifice.” (The Message)

David has taken a census, “substituting statistics for trust.” (21:8) In order to appease God’s anger, and make up for his wrongdoing, he is building an altar on the threshing floor of Araunah, the Jebusite. Araunah offers him the property gratis, along with the animals and grain needed for the sacrifice and David refuses. He wants this to cost him something.

Am I willing to pay the cost? Whenever I make a decision, for good or for ill, all of its ramifications may not be apparent at that time, but whatever they are, I need to deal with them and accept them. There may be unexpected costs, perhaps financial, certainly emotional, but they are part and parcel of the cost of living. Do I want to eliminate risk, somehow get a free pass because “it wasn’t my fault”, I had no way of knowing how things would turn out, or am I willing to pay the price whatever it is, because that is what I signed on for when the decision was made?

Whatever happens to us, we pay for with our lives, whether deserved or undeserved. Many innocent Israelites paid for David’s sin. Perhaps what this is saying to me today is bear the cost and don’t count it. Reckon it as the price of living, the price of loving, the price of engagement in the world, the price of redemption and serenity.

Prayer: Dear God, I try so hard sometimes to figure out all the angles, plan for all contingencies, and still end up with costs I didn’t anticipate. Teach me to accept all that comes my way as part of the gift of your grace, whatever the cost, that I may always be grateful for where you have brought me. Amen

Shout Bravo! to God

1Chronicles 16:28 Shout Bravo! To God, families of the peoples, in awe of the Glory, in awe of the Strength; Bravo! (The Message)

Some days I just want to praise God. Today is one of those days. I woke up rested. The sun is shining, the air clear and unseasonably warm. I took the dogs out for our morning constitutional, running and walking fast, so I am energized as well. There have been improvements at home, and I feel calm as I face the future. On such a morning, I often feel overwhelmed with gratitude, and just want to thank the Lord of the Heavens for all God’s glorious gifts.

I love Peterson (the author of the Message, the contemporary paraphrase of the Bible that I am reading right now) and how he uses new language to get across the power of the events he describes. Who of us hasn’t had that experience of leaping to our feat shouting “Bravo!” at the end of a particularly exciting or excellent performance? And, yet, every day we wake up to the wonders of a Creation more exciting and excellent than anything that man can devise. Why not shout “Bravo!” to the Creator of All? It gives wings to my heart just to read it! Was it Einstein who said that either nothing is a miracle or everything is a miracle? Today I am in the "everything is a miracle" crowd, moving into my day overflowing with gratitude for all that God has brought into my life.

Prayer: Dear God, Today you have blessed me with a sense of awe at the splendor of your creation, and deep gratitude for all the blessings you have bestowed on me. Remind me that each day holds this potential for joy and gratitude, for that deep awareness of your favor and the incredible blessings of my life. Keep me humble in the face of all that you are. Amen.

David knew for sure

1Chronicles 14:2 Then David knew for sure that God had confirmed him as king over Israel, because of the rising reputation that God was giving his kingdom for the benefit of his people Israel.

So here is David. He was anointed by Samuel as a young shepherd boy, too young to fight in the battles. He went to Saul, played for him, was betrayed by him, fought him, lived in exile for years, gradually built around him a huge force of skilled warriors and only came back to his native land when Saul and Jonathan had been killed. Then he became king over Judah, reigning in Hebron for 7 years, before he became king over all Israel. And only now, as he witnesses how he is viewed by the surrounding kings – King Hiram of Tyre has sent an envoy offering cedar, lumber, masons and carpenters to build him a royal palace – is he sure that God wanted him to be king.

Two thoughts come to mind in response to this. The first is: Wow, he did all that and he wasn’t even sure?! I don’t know about you, but I usually want my directives from God to be a lot clearer than that. “How do I know I’m on the right road?” usually means “Show me what’s going to happen.” But if we knew, if we were sure where everything was going, we wouldn’t need faith and trust in God, would we? We also might race ahead of ourselves, rushing to get to the “result” we think God wants, and not experience the road we are actually traveling on. David acted, he didn’t wait until he was sure, but he dealt with each situation as it came up, never getting ahead of himself. He knew if God wanted him to be king, God would bring it about in God’s own time; he refuses several opportunities to kill Saul and make it happen. When the Spirit nudges me in new directions, it just gives me hints of what the very next step might be – which may include taking no step at all, because maybe it is just time to stand still and be where I am. Then I start to get responses, synchronicities that start to inform my path, let me know that I’m headed right for now.

That brings me to the second thought, that our call is not just between us and God. It doesn’t mean just following what I have in my heart and mind and spirit. If it is a path that God has ordained for me, I will also receive confirmation from the community around me, in the form of support, positive reflections, encouragement, and perhaps witnessing the positive impact of whatever it is I am doing in people’s lives. It is this knitting together between the personal and the communal out of which true vocation comes. Too often, I think, we expect young people in our culture to go off into a closet and “figure out what they want to do” with their lives, or tell them what they should do. But that figuring out is really to become part of a conversation between them and the world around them. Where are their gifts encouraged and supported? Where does their “deep gladness meet the world’s deep hunger”? (Frederick Buechner) At that intersection, we find our life’s fulfillment.

Prayer: Dear God, You have blessed me with many gifts, skills and abilities. Be with me and guide me as I move into a new period of my life. Teach me to listen subtly to your call, but not to wait for it. Help me discern Your Presence in all that I do, that You may guide my feet to your path. Amen

God gave him what he asked.

1Chronicles 4:10 Jabez prayed to the God of Israel: “Bless me, O bless me! Give me land, large tracts of land. And provide your personal protection—don’t let evil hurt me.” God gave him what he asked.

All right, I couldn’t resist stopping and commenting on the Prayer of Jabez. I know someone’s written a book on it – how you, too, can pray for a big estate and a fancy car, and God will provide! It’s the same idea as the Secret – the law of attraction, which says if you think about a BMW you’ll attract a BMW – but better not let in any thoughts about a VW bug! (Worse, maybe you’ll attract it when you’re crossing the street!) And there are other versions of what I would call a Gospel of Prosperity. There’s nothing wrong with prosperity; in fact, it is a great blessing all who enjoy it need to be thankful for. The principles behind these ideas are true – but this take on what the Gospel, prayer, God are all about is just 100% wrong. In the same way that some Pharisees of Jesus’ time took the Law of Moses and made it into a measuring stick to beat others up with and ensure they came out on top, this use of spirit, while accurate, completely misses the point.

The abundance that Jesus talks about is a spiritual abundance. It’s not about having more stuff; it’s about having faith in the face of disaster, knowing that somehow God will see you through. Jesus spoke of being in the world but not of it. Using these spiritual principles purely for material gain is adopting the world’s values of materialism and wealth as your own; it is trusting in stuff that is not God. There’s a reason Jesus said it was hard to impossible for a rich person to enter heaven; I believe it’s because when you’re rich, it’s really hard not to think that your riches are the source of your security, instead of God. Then they become the center of your life. Where your treasure is, there your heart will be, too. Jesus calls us to seek spiritual treasure, so that we can face changes of fortune with equanimity, resting in the Presence of the One Unchangeable Immoveable Eternal Dynamic in all creation: God.

Prayer: Dear God, You have blessed me with prosperity; let it not be a stumbling block in my journey to You. Let me be grateful for your bounty, yet ever mindful that the only Source of true prosperity lies in You. Amen.

Abraham's family tree developed

1Chronicles 1:29-31 Abraham’s family tree developed along these lines: Ishmael had Nebaioth (his firstborn), then Kedar, Adbeel, Mibsam, Mishma, Dumah, Massa, Hadad, Tema, Jetur, Naphish, and Kedemah—the Ishmael branch.

The first several chapters of 1Chronicles are a mind numbing list of names: sons of sons of sons with an occasional woman thrown in. My computer doesn’t recognize any of these names, and underlines each with its jagged red line saying, “this can’t be spelled right.” There are, however, some interesting things that come to light. Oddly, despite all the time given them in Genesis, neither Sarah nor Hagar are mentioned by name, but Ishmael, Hagar’s son, is given prominence as the first born, and despite the fact that they were both sent away, we are given his lineage as well as the lineage of Isaac, the father of the Israelite nation. Keturah, Abraham’s concubine, however, is mentioned, though Genesis is silent about her. Later on, we discover that Joab, David’s right hand man, as well as his brothers Asahel and Abishai, were actually the sons of David’s sister, Zeruiah, and therefore, his nephews. We also encounter Jabez, famous for his prayer of prosperity, which God answered. But mostly it is genealogy of the not very interesting kind, a bunch of names, son of, son of, detailing all those who formed the community of Israel both before the exile, and the names and duties of those who first came back to Jerusalem from Babylon.

So what is this list of names? I imagine for a people scattered, first by Assyrians and then by the Babylonians, these names were a grounding, a reminder of the people they had once been. Each name represented a person, a story, one of the many stories that weave together to form the story of Israel and its relationship to God. Perhaps this was a way of reminding themselves of who they were, of paying homage to those that went before, of recording their truth in the face of a culture that wanted to wipe them out, that defined them as powerless, faceless and pitiful. They are a concrete expression of the heritage these returnees didn’t want to forget. I am reminded of the Vietnam Memorial, which is primarily a list of names, the names at Ellis Island and other entry points for immigrants to this country. Watching Henry Louis Gates tracing African-American roots back to slave ancestors, my own exploration and understanding of those forebears who came here from other countries and started anew, reminds me that we all, I think, have a stake in those that came before, and owe who we are to the sacrifices they made. Perhaps this was their way of remembering.

Prayer: Dear God, I feel you calling me to take the time to remember and honor those who came before me. I know that everything in my life is built on what they did, and saw and sacrificed. Let me also be aware of those today who, all around the world, are being uprooted from their homes, sent into exiles of one sort of another, who have lost family and friends in wars and genocides, and struggle to remain connected to their land, their culture, their place on this earth. Teach me how to honor them. Give them your peace. Amen

If you live in my presence

1Kings 9:4 As for you, if you live in my presence as your father David lived, pure in heart and action, living the life I’ve set out for you, attentively obedient to my guidance and judgements…

Okay, first God appeared to Solomon a second time. Wow! Twice! I can’t say God has appeared to me even once, so that in itself is just remarkable, blows me away. What is it like to have God appear to you? It must be terribly frightening, as well as so exciting and affirming, definitely a peak experience. That of course is something God does in your life, and you have no control over it, who he appears to and who not. It’s not something I expect to happen to me.

But this idea of living in God’s presence, that is something I do try to do. It is the focus of these devotions, of my reading and meditation, and various other activities which I would call “contemplative”. It is the process and intent of the contemplative life, to live in God’s presence. Brother Lawrence calls it “Practicing the Presence of God” and its possibilities are available to me every moment of every day. And what does that require of me? A slowing down. An intentional awareness. I need to stop, breathe and pay attention. Step out of the mind’s incessant chatter to feel the air on my cheek, notice what is around me, right within my grasp. In those moments of stopping and noticing, of stillness and paying attention, I can see God’s presence in the wonder and beauty of creation, experience it in the simplest things, my breath. In those moments, God is my breath, moving in and out of me, sustaining me, giving me life. When I pray, when I meditate, when I read the Bible and reflect on its meaning for my life, when I call on the Holy Spirit to speak to me through scripture, or writing an icon, or through interactions with groups I belong to at my church, I also feel this connection. Something shifts in me. I move from anxiety to calm, from agitation to peace, from worry to equanimity. That I guess is the surest proof I have of God’s presence in my life.

Prayer: Dear God, Remind me to take the time to be still for your presence. Help me to resist distractions, so that I may rest intentionally, unapologetically and wholeheartedly in your peace. Amen

Two solid weeks!

1Kings 8:65b They started out celebrating for seven days – and then did it another seven days! Two solid weeks of celebration!

The temple has been finished, Solomon has prayed, sacrificed and blessed the people to dedicate the temple and the whole congregation of Israel is present to witness it. And so they celebrate. Two whole weeks!

There are times when it seems the Christian path is all about discipline, going through the narrow gate, self-denial and serious prayer – and we are in Lent, which is a serious time. But there is also a time to celebrate. When I celebrate God in my life, do I give it my all? Or does it feel self-indulgent? Jesus tells many stories where he likens the Kingdom of God to a feast, often a wedding banquet, which is a time of joy and celebration. I believe that is where this path goes: as I appreciate God’s presence in my life and give thanks for it, I discover a joy in living, a sense of celebration in the every day. Joy, celebration, these are the fruits of walking God’s path, not solemnity and seriousness. So have I had my joy today? Have I celebrated the Godhead and its many gifts in my life?

Prayer: Dear God, It’s easy to forget when life is difficult and we are walking in a serious time, that your will for us is joy and celebration, that they are the fruits of the heart’s discipline. Give me a heart of celebration today, and every day. Amen

What's important

1Kings 6:11-12 The word of God came to Solomon saying, “About this Temple you are building—what’s important is that you live the way I’ve set out for you and do what I tell you, following my instructions carefully and obediently.

Solomon guilds this amazing and elaborate temple to be a fit dwelling place for God in the bosom of Israel, David’s city, Jerusalem. It’s lined with polished cedar, full of gold, bronze and silver ornaments and carvings of cedar and olive wood. It must have been magnificent! What a glorious tribute to God! But then, a few verses later, Solomon builds a palace, including a Hall of Justice, which is even bigger! So, already it feels like something is going amiss.

Here is the clue: The temple is great, God appreciates all the work and care and cost that has gone into it, but it is not the main thing. “What’s important is that you live the way I’ve set out for you and do what I tell you.” What parent can’t identify? It’s wonderful to get gifts from our children, but what we care about is how they are living their lives. Are they holding to the values that make life meaningful? God wants us to live holy, sacred lives not because it makes God look good, but because God cares about our well being. God wants us to follow God’s path not because God wants obedience for the sake of obedience—the “because I said so” school, which might be suitable for a toddler, but not for a 20 year old—but because God understands so much more than we do, and knows that this path is the way to lead a life of true fulfillment.

Prayer: Dear God, I forget sometimes that You are calling me to a better way, and let distractions and the call of the culture pull me off track. Help me keep in mind what is most important, the call to follow You, to live a life with You in the center of it, and help me take steps every day to live out that call. Amen.

Give me a God-listening heart

1Kings 3:9 “Here’s what I want: Give me a God-listening heart so I can lead your people well, discerning the difference between good and evil. For who on their own is capable of leading your glorious people?”

God has appeared to Solomon, now King of Israel after David’s death, and asked him what he wants. Most translations of the Bible use the word “wisdom” for what Solomon asks for, but I loved this description: “a God-listening heart”. Isn’t that what we all need -- a direct line to the divine? But of course it’s not that simple. The key here I think is listening. How do I listen for God’s “voice”? First I need quiet, silence, space and separation from the chatter of everyday life—of our culture, the media, phones and cell phones and pagers and ipods, other people, and of course, the chatter in my own mind. That last is probably the hardest. Then I need some way to tune in to the Presence. Jim Finley, a teacher and former monk under Thomas Merton, talks about being “present, open and awake”. Eckhart Tolle, author of The Power of Now, talks about being in the Now. Each of us hears and understands what that means differently, but it does mean something about being in the present moment, distracted neither by the past or the future, “neither clinging to nor rejecting anything”, as Jim Finley elaborates. Lent is a good time to spend time in quiet, listening to God. In the next verse, it says, “God…was delighted with Solomon’s response.” God is delighted with us, too, when we choose to spend time in God’s presence.

Prayer: Dear Lord, Life is so full of distractions, it’s easy to get pulled away from my focus on You. Help me say no to distractions, take the time and the space to sit in Your Presence that I may listen with all my heart. Amen

David wouldn't drink it

2Samuel 23:15-17 David had a sudden craving and said, “Would I ever like a drink of water from the well at the gate of Bethlehem!” So the Three penetrated the Philistine lines, drew water from the well at the gate of Bethlehem, and brought it back to David. But David wouldn’t drink it; he poured it out as an offering to God, saying, “There is no way, God, that I’ll drink this! This isn’t mere water, it’s their life-blood—they risked their very lives to bring it!” So David refused to drink it.

Here is recounted one of the exploits of David’s three mightiest warriors. They risk their lives to get some water from a particular well, the well of David’s birthplace. So why doesn’t David drink it? First of all, he certainly didn’t want to encourage such foolhardiness. Yet to scold the men after their brave deed would have smacked of ingratitude. So he chooses a middle course. He recognizes that it is not worth the lives of his men to satisfy his own passing physical cravings, that only God is worthy of such honor as his men have demonstrated, so he pours the water out as an offering to God, the only one worthy of such reckless and all-encompassing devotion.

I get the feeling sometimes that people with wealth and privilege, some of our leaders of industry, forget this simple fact. They think that money can buy devotion, that their position of power gives them the right to expect other humans to be at their beck and call, to satisfy their every wish, no matter how outrageous, that their greed is more valuable than the life-savings of their employees. I wish more people in positions of responsibility would recognize that as a sacred trust, as David does here. He honors his men; he doesn’t exploit them. It would be easy for such devotion to go to his head, for him to start thinking he is some hot stuff, but he has a clear understanding of his own human limitations, of God’s limitlessness, and he knows he doesn’t deserve such fealty from his troops. He is remarkable, perhaps, for his ability to maintain a sense of humility in the face of the loyalty and passion he inspires in his followers.

Prayer: Dear God, Fortune has placed me in a position of privilege in this culture. Keep me ever mindful of that privilege, and aware of those who do not share it. Keep me humble in all my interactions, remind me of expectations that may be inappropriate, and help me remember that we are all simply human beings and equal in your sight. Amen

God rewrote the text of my life

2Samuel 22:25 God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes.

What a powerful metaphor! And it expresses so beautifully what I feel about how God has changed my life. For a long time, I was writing the book of my life. I was planning, and hoping, and intending and working hard to achieve all the things I wanted. Then I hit a patch where nothing was right, nothing was working, and I felt so hopeless about my life. I had done a lot of therapy, and that was very valuable, but I knew it couldn’t save me in the way I needed to be saved. I had been a faithful church goer as a child, and fallen away, as many do, during college. I had tasted of Eastern spiritual traditions, and while I find a lot of wisdom there, and useful ideas, they didn’t satisfy my heart. It was Ash Wednesday 25 years ago when I stumbled into a church near where I lived, and fell on my knees before God and asked Jesus to take my life, please! I realized how inadequate I was to the job, how I was being led by all sorts of grandiose notions of who I was supposed to be and how I was supposed to be, I had bought into the achievement oriented, success oriented, I’m-in-charge-of-my-life ideology of the modern world, the self sufficiency model I was raised with, and I was totally and miserably failing at it. I had no work, no relationship, and I felt utterly bereft.

So I returned to church, I began focusing my practices on the God and Jesus I knew as a child, only with the understanding of an adult. I became part of my church community. I gave my life to God to do with as God wished and found myself so blessed as a result. God has not shielded me from adversity: I quickly found that the Presence of God in my life would not spare me from difficulty, but that Divine Presence enabled me to face my difficulties squarely, with (I hope) grace and dignity. And it has been an ongoing journey since that time, continually opening out in new ways. The peace I have found comes at least in part from knowing that if I don’t get what it is I think I want, then I can rest assured that God has something better in store for me, a better and more fulfilling use of who I am than I have the ability to imagine for myself.

Prayer: Dear God, Twenty five years ago, I abandoned myself to you, and you have been my rock, my living water, my life’s bread ever since. As I move forward into yet another bend in the road, another stage of the journey, I ask for your presence to guide and inspire me, to remind me of your companionship as I travel onward, that I might be led in your paths to fulfill your calling by the gift of your grace. Amen

He put his house in order

2Samuel 17:23 When Ahithophel realized that his counsel was not followed, he saddled his donkey and left for his hometown. After making out his will and putting his house in order, he hanged himself and died. He was buried in the family tomb.

When this verse leapt out at me, I thought, “Oh, no, I don’t want to talk about suicide.” But somehow it wouldn’t let me go, and here is where my thinking took me. This is not a rash, impulsive act. He puts his house in order, does his best to take care of those that will be left behind, and then kills himself. I could say a lot about the culture of the time, based on shame and honor. Ahithophel was advisor to Absalom, the declared king, the top advisor, and to recognize that he had been replaced must have been an extreme loss of honor. Today, we might view this differently. Our culture values what people do, especially men, especially privileged men in middle age, whose work is supposed to be carrying our society. Their entire identity is wrapped up in what they do, and if they stop being able to do, it can stir feelings of hopelessness, uselessness and worthlessness, leading to a profound despair. Who are they if they are not performing the functions of their job? That attitude, that you are what you do, is catching; as children grow up, they learn they are valued more and more by what they achieve, and less and less by who they are. As women enter the workforce in greater and greater numbers, they, too, get caught up in this false identification with doing. God tells us a different story, a different way to look at who we are. God loves us, each one of us, exactly as we are, accepts us fully without our having to do anything. There is nothing we can do to merit God’s love, it is given to us by grace. All God wants is for us to love and honor God the way that God loves and honors us.

Prayer: Dear God, I know there are many in our society who struggle with feelings of despair, who measure themselves by what they can do, and always come up short. Shower them with your divine grace, that they may see their value through your eyes, and come to know themselves as beloved and cherished members of our human community. Amen.

With the measure you use

One from the archive:

Matthew 7:1-2

Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

I was with a group of friends and we were talking about how hard it is to deal with critical people. What I’ve noticed, though, is that people who are critical of me are often that much more critical of themselves; maybe the only letup they have in their relentless self-persecution is when they are persecuting someone else! And the things they criticize about me are probably the things they feel most critical of themselves about – or most defensive about. So the measure they are using to criticize me is the same measure, only worse, that they use to criticize themselves. So maybe I just have to let it go, and recognize that they are suffering under something much worse than they have inflicted on me. Then, one of the group threw a whole other spin onto it. She said we don’t judge others not just because we don’t know what they’re suffering themselves, but because judgment, whether of self or other, puts us in God’s place. So it’s not my job to judge others – or to judge myself. I need to take responsibility for my behavior, seek forgiveness or make amends when necessary to make up for mistakes I make, but never to judge. Only God judges.

Prayer: Dear God, When someone is critical of me, help me not to take it personally. Help me recognize that they may be struggling, that I don’t know the whole story, and that it is not my place to judge others but only to extend kindness. And help me to treat myself in the same way. Amen.

David doted on him

2Samuel 13:21 King David heard the whole story and was enraged, but he didn’t discipline Amnon. David doted on him because he was his firstborn.

Amnon has raped his half-sister, Tamor. He tricks her into coming into his bedchamber, rapes her and then sends her away in disgrace, refusing to marry her. Now, women had little or no status in this culture, but that is not enough to explain Amnon’s behavior. The key is here, with Amnon’s father: he didn’t discipline Amnon, he doted on him. It’s so easy to indulge people we love, whether that is children or partners, to let them get away with stuff, to accept their misbehavior because we “love” them. But we don’t serve them when we don’t hold them accountable for their actions. David is enraged about this behavior, he clearly sees it as wrong, but is unwilling to confront his son and correct him. Is he afraid Amnon won’t love him if he disciplines him? But how else is Amnon to understand what it means to be a man, and how to do it, if David doesn’t show him the right way?

It is clear that this has been a longstanding pattern that has given Amnon a sense of entitlement to whatever he desires, even if it causes the ruination of a blameless young woman’s life. Amnon has been brought up as the son of the king, with servants and material comforts shared by few in his society. It is hard to bring up children in an affluent culture without leading them to have unreal expectations of life and what it calls from them. It is hard to hold them to account, but unless parents do they will grow up warped by their own privilege, unable to recognize the humanity in other people and feeling entitled to satiate their appetites in any way they choose. God calls us on a different path, an ultimately much more fulfilling path, a path of love and care for others.

I wonder if the key is in the loving, caring relationship we have with our children. David probably didn’t spend much time with his sons, leaving their upbringing and training as warriors to others. When parents are absent, they are more likely to develop a pattern of indulging their children, in hopes of winning their favor. But such behavior is rightfully called “spoiling”, because it deprives the children of a true relationship, one based on mutual trust and respect. If we provide the example of a trustworthy partner in relationship, and expect our children to respond in kind, they will blossom under our attention and step up to our expectations.

Prayer: Dear God, I know I am guilty of indulging loved ones, and I see how it boomerangs back on me, as it is boomeranging back on David. Give me clarity to draw clear boundaries with those I love, strength to hold on to them, and compassion so that I do it in a loving, sensitive and caring way. Amen.

He can't come to me

2Samuel 12:22-23

“While the child was alive,” he said, “I fasted and wept, thinking God might have mercy on me and the child would live. But now that he’s dead, why fast? Can I bring him back now? I can go to him, but he can’t come to me.”

David’s son from his illicit affair with Bathsheba has died. To the servants, his behavior seems contradictory. Why not be happy while the child is still alive, and sad after it has died? But this death is not arbitrary; it is God’s judgment on David’s sinful behavior. David knows this, and knows, therefore, that once the child has died, there is nothing more to hope for; God’s judgment has been exercised. So, he goes on with his life. He eats and drinks; he washes himself and puts on decent clothing. It doesn’t say that he is not sad. What sadder or more poignant thing can a parent say than, “I can go to him, but he can’t come to me”? There is a profound silent grief in that simple statement. But David is a practical man, and he recognizes that he has responsibilities beyond this one lost child. He is king of Israel, and has many other wives, many other children. He needs to take care of himself especially because he is suffering from grief. He knows that keeping to his routine and attending to his own physical needs will both be helpful in walking the path of mourning that lies in front of him. He also shows here a deep understanding of the acceptance of God’s will. While there was still a chance of winning God’s favor, of influencing the outcome, of knocking and knocking on God’s door like the persistent widow (Luke 18:1-8), he did everything he could. But once the deed is done, what can he do but accept it? And he does so with a sense of dignity, taking responsibility for what he has done to bring this situation about.

I want to be careful here that I do not suggest that all deaths are “God’s will”. I mean by that that I don’t believe God goes around striking people dead, willy nilly. These were very special circumstances. People die too young from illness and accidents and other things because we live in a broken world, not because God has ordained the death of a particular person in order to wreak judgment on his or her family. And acceptance of such a loss is not easy to come by, and often comes only after a difficult emotional process. Ultimately, however, acceptance is our resting point. It is a place we come to where we can trust in God’s reign over all, including our suffering and loss. It’s where I can sit and hold the memory of my loved one in my heart, feel the sadness of missing them along with the joy that they were in my life, and still see what is beautiful and wonderful in this moment as it unfolds before me.

Prayer: Dear God, I pray for all those who have suffered the loss of someone they love, that they may find comfort. I pray that they find the strength to go on and feel the grace of your enfolding love. Help them to cherish their loss, and rediscover the joy of that relationship, when they can. Let them know they are in your merciful hands. Amen

I'll gladly look like a fool

2Samuel 6:22

“Oh yes, I’ll dance to God’s glory—more recklessly even than this. And as far as I’m concerned…I’ll gladly look like a fool…but among these maids you’re so worried about, I’ll be honored no end.”

David is speaking to his wife, Michal, Saul’s daughter, who has criticized his extravagant dance before the Ark of the Covenant as he brought it home to Jerusalem. And it reminds me of something Paul said, about God using the foolish things of this world to shame the wise. My devotion to this path can indeed look like foolishness to others. I know many who believe that my staying in this relationship as long as I have was foolish. And there are many other ways that the command to love God first, and love others as oneself can look very foolish to those on the outside. But God invites us to be foolish, indeed, to be reckless in our foolishness, in the extravagance of our love toward God and toward others. Having been foolish, I can move forward knowing that I gave this relationship everything I had; that I can continue to love this other person even as I know that living together is impossible. I am not talking about the “love is blind” type of foolishness, where someone ignores the realities in front of their eyes. I’m talking about moving forward together knowing all the things that stand in the way, seeing clearly the emotional challenges and being willing to take them on, to give myself totally to living out love in my relationship, even at cost to myself. Having done that, though I may not have been able to please my partner, I have faith that I have pleased God. And ultimately that is more important.

Prayer: Dear God, I thank you for the loving concern I know you have for me, and for my partner. I am so grateful for your presence in my life, for your tender guidance like velvet ropes that lead me in the way to your heart. Give me courage as I move forward to continue in my foolishness; keep my heart open so that I can continue to pour out your love extravagantly into the world you have placed me in. And fill me with your peace as I continue to move through so many feelings over this ending. Amen.