Nothing but bitterness

2Samuel 2:26a

Abner called out to Joab, “Are we going to keep killing each other till doomsday? Don’t you know that nothing but bitterness will come from this?”

The question jumps out to me here: when is the time to throw in the towel? Here we have Israelites fighting each other. And the same thing happens in families, and in couples. The love two people once had doesn’t seem to be enough to sustain them through the conflicts and fighting, and bitterness takes its place. The relationship devolves into one of tension, sniping and ill will. There comes a time when there has to be a recognition that the relationship is no longer viable and, painful though it is to both parties, it’s time to let go and say goodbye. It’s often not the end, especially if there are children, but a sign that starts a transformation into a different kind of relationship. Hope suggests the possibility of a deep friendship that can still be recovered, but only if the fighting stops and the parties separate and begin to create their own lives. Then, if they are lucky, they may eventually be able to reconnect in a fresh way and enjoy the mutual interests that brought them together away from the heightened and disappointed expectations that marred their coupledom.

Prayer: Dear God, As I begin the path of walking away from this important relationship, I ask for your guidance and companionship on the path. Stay present with me; help me to move forward with tenderness and compassion for both of us. Give me your consolation, and the will to get up and let my light shine as you so call me. Amen.

Do to me what you vowed

One from the archives:

Judges 11:36-37

She said, "Dear Father, if you made a vow to God, do to me what you vowed. God did his part and saved you from your Ammonite enemies." And then she went to her father, "But let this one thing be done for me. Give me two months to wander through the hills and lament my virginity since I will never marry, I and my dear friends."

This made me weep, I was so touched by her simple faith, her commitment. She gets it! Jephtha, her father, made a rash vow -- he didn't need to do that, he didn't need to bargain with God, he could've just asked, but instead he thought he could buy God's favor. And he paid dearly. He promised God that if God would give him the battle, he would burn as an offering the first thing that greeted him when he returned from the battle. And who rushed out to greet him but his only dearly beloved daughter! And here, this young girl -- she doesn't even get a name -- shames his paltry faith and the fickle faith of the people of Israel, who are constantly being seduced by the foreign Gods of the Canaanites, this nameless young woman shows with grace and courage how to honor God, how to submit in obedience to God's will.

Prayer: Dear God, You give me this example of a young woman who accepts your power and dominion without thinking twice about it, even when it means her immolation. I cannot hope to measure up to her example. I pray that through Christ living in me I may develop such faith as you will give me to see and accept your will in all things. Amen

They were exhausted with weeping

1Samuel 30:4-6 David and his men burst out in loud wails—wept and wept until they were exhausted with weeping. David’s two wives, Ahinoam of Jezreel and Abigail widow of Nabal of Carmel, had been taken prisoner along with the rest. And suddenly David was in even worse trouble. There was talk among the men, bitter over the loss of their families, of stoning him.

Here’s David, having been run out of the country by Saul, having collected around him a ragtag army of misfits and other lost souls, and having to pledge himself to a rival king in order to live and take care of his following, and you’d think that all would be bad enough. But he comes home to find his family – and all their families – gone. And on top of that, his men threaten to turn against him! How low he must have felt at that moment, how despairing, how hopeless. It all makes my problems seem pretty small in comparison, my feelings of despair and hopelessness pretty minor. He had lost everything! And what does he do? Does despair and hopelessness lead him to abandon God, or turn against God? Not at all. He doesn’t blame God for his problems; instead, he goes to God seeking guidance and help. And God comes through.

So, two things really speak to me here. One is that however big my current problems may seem, I still have a great deal to be grateful for. My family is safe, and relatively healthy. I live in the country I choose to live in, where I enjoy freedom and many other blessings. I have resources to meet my material needs. When I begin to focus on the things for which I am grateful, the problems begin to become smaller and more manageable; I can see them in some sort of real perspective. The other things is that whenever I do feel those feelings of despair and hopelessness, when it feels like things are unraveling and I can’t hold them together, I can turn to God in prayer, contemplation and meditation on scripture such as this and God will be there to help me get perspective and get a handle on things. I can turn over what I’m struggling with, recognize what I am powerless over and surrender it to the Almighty One, and receive refreshment and renewal.

Prayer: Dear God, Sometimes life just feels overwhelming, as if it is all slipping out of my grasp, and there’s nothing I can do about it. Remind me in your wisdom at these times of how much I have to be grateful for. Soothe me with your eternal Presence that I may release myself from responsibility for those things over which I have no control, and be refreshed so that I can take on those things which I can, with your help, affect. And let me ever be mindful that everything that I have is a gift from you. Amen

Blessed be God who stood up for me

1Samuel 25:39 When David heard that Nabal was dead he said, “Blessed be God, who has stood up for me against Nabal’s insults, kept me from an evil act, and let Nabal’s evil boomerang back on him.”

Nabal has repaid David’s kindness with brutish irresponsibility. David and his men, on the run from Saul, have protected Nabal’s sheep and shepherds, and now that it is sheering time, David’s men approach Nabal with proclamations of peace, asking respectfully for some hospitality, food and drink to sustain them in the wilderness. Nabal refuses in a most vicious and callous way, yelling and calling them names. Naturally, David is angry. How dare this idiot (Nabal means “fool”) treat him and his men so badly! After all they’ve done for him! And so David intends to wreak revenge, which would mean killing everyone in sight. (The customs of the time dictated that revenge was wrought on the whole family of the evildoer. It was in this context that “An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth” was a statement of mercy. It meant you could only do damage on a par with what was actually done to you. Life for life, but no more.) But Nabal was lucky that he had a very clever wife named Abigail, who collects bread, wine and meat ready to roast, rides out to meet David, and basically appeals to his better instincts. He shouldn’t stoop to Nabal’s level by wreaking this revenge, and add a blot to his honor, she tells him. She gets David to stop and think and recognize what a mistake this would be. And he honors her request. Next day she tells Nabal what happened, he has a heart attack, and dies a few days later. So God did for David what was wrong for him to do for himself. It is God’s role to judge, not ours.

There’s another interesting little piece to this, this notion of Nabal’s evil boomeranging back on him. Today we would call that experiencing the natural consequences of one’s choices. I think the deal is that I don’t have to retaliate for an injustice done to me because God will take care of it. I may not see the results, but fools inevitably fall into their own traps, people reap the consequences of their own behaviors, it’s almost a natural or spiritual law. I need to stand up for myself, stand up for justice, but I needn’t retaliate in kind because then I am just as bad as the other person was. Then I’m not living in the kingdom of God, I’m living in the kingdom of the world. Vengeance is the Lord’s, it is often said, which is to make the point that it’s not my job! So I need to steer clear of it because it will only bring down bad consequences on me!

Prayer: Dear God, It’s hard not to retaliate when I am treated unfairly, not to want to make the other person experience what I have. But I know it only makes things worse, leads me away from who You want me to be and, even worse, puts me in Your place as judge of all. Give me patience and wisdom to take the right path, to stick with You and not get pulled into behaving wrongly, that I may bind my will to Your perfect one and become the person You call me to be. Amen

God forbid that I should have done this

1Samuel 24:5-6

Immediately he felt guilty. He said to his men, “God forbid that I should have done this to my master, God’s anointed, that I should so much as raise a finger against him. He’s God’s anointed!”

Saul is on a rampage, trying to get David and kill him. But God has given David this amazing opportunity: David sneaks into the cave where Saul is sleeping and cuts off a corner of his robe. David’s men want him to kill Saul, but David refuses. So here is a guy who is going after David, determined to kill him, but because God had anointed him, David won’t return his aggression with more aggression. Even though David himself has been anointed, by Samuel, and knows he is the next king of Israel, he is patient and ready to let God bring it about in his own time and his own way and until that happens, he is ready to be Saul’s loyal follower. And in the meantime, he refuses to do harm to the one who seeks to do him harm.

What an example! I have trouble not retaliating against people who speak nasty to me, or are mean to me in some way, but none of them threaten my life, or even my livelihood. David could have been “justified” in retaliating against Saul, could have even called it self-defense. That’s what I do when I am nasty back, or attack someone who has hurt my feelings. I feel justified – they hurt me! I’m entitled to defend myself! But someone very wise once said “The devil is in the justification.” In the long run, I am not responsible for other people’s behaviors, only my own. While I may be able to justify unloving behaviors on the basis of what others have done to me, that is the devil’s handiwork. God calls me to act in loving ways, even when my feelings get hurt, whether it is a stranger, or someone close to me. That is the hard work of loving.

Prayer: Dear God, I know you call me to be loving to others, even when they are not behaving well toward me. I also know you don’t expect me to be a doormat. Help me to find that right balance of honoring myself, and extending myself in a loving way towards others, treating them as I would have them treat me, even when they don’t respond in kind.

They were seduced by it

One from the archive:

Judges 8:27 Gideon made the gold into a sacred ephod and put it on display in his hometown, Ophrah. All Israel prostituted itself there. Gideon and his family, too, were seduced by it.

So Gideon has been faithful to God -- he smashed the Baal altar and tore down the Asherah poles (these are the holy places of the Canaanite religions) and then defeats the Midianites just as God commanded and ordained. He even refuses the people's entreaties to rule over them as King and says "God will rule over you." But he succumbs at the end to this notion of reward. The people are dying to thank him, why not ask for a little gold, just an earring apiece, their pockets are overflowing with booty! And he fashions the gold into a sacred object. And then the trouble begins, because the ephod stops being an avenue to the divine and becomes the end in itself. I wonder what was most seductive about it: was it the skill of the craftsmanship, or just the shine and beauty of the gold itself? Here he had resisted so many temptations, but gets tripped up by his own handiwork. It's as if Gideon was vigilant against thinking he had performed these great deeds on his own, without God, but when it was all over and his guard was down -- the prize, peace in Israel and freedom from the Midianites -- was won, then he succumbed to thinking he was pretty hot stuff. Like James Cameron, winning the Oscar for Titanic and succumbing to this notion of his own invincibility. And how easy it is to fall into the trap -- you work really hard for something, and you're focused and disciplined and then you accomplish it, and then lose the very qualities that got you there, the focus and discipline and, in Gideon's case (and my own), honoring God first.




Prayer: Dear God, It's easy to remember how much I need and rely on you when I'm struggling and to forget when I've accomplished what I want to how much you are a part of everything I do. Remind me to turn to you as faithfully in success as I do in failure, to rely on your guidance even more when I know where I'm going than when I feel lost, because I am more likely then to go off the rails and be seduced by my own knowing and power to move forward. Help me to lay every aspect of my life at your feet and seek your will especially hard when I think I already know what it is. Amen

Everything was as it was before

1Samuel 19:7 Jonathan sent for David and reported to him everything that was said. Then he brought David back to Saul and everything was as it was before.

Everything was as it was before, meaning, nothing had been resolved. Saul didn’t process his anger, or work through his relationship with David, or even tell David what was wrong and attempt to repair the breach. It was all just papered over with niceness, but the underlying tensions remained, ready to explode. I do this over and over again: make a superficial repair to a relationship, bury my feelings and think I can just smooth things over and pretend whatever it was never happened. This is false forgiveness. It’s not really forgiveness at all, it’s my way of avoiding confrontation with someone I care about, avoiding looking at our differences head on, avoiding having to stand up for something, myself, in the face of someone else’s displeasure, all in the name of having “good relationships”. It’s just that it doesn’t work! It’s scary, and intimate and kind of naked to stand in front of someone I love and say, “This doesn’t work for me.” I have always thought understanding solved everything, but it doesn’t because it doesn’t always get rid of the differences. And sometimes I have to take a stand against someone I care about, even though I “understand” their issues. And that requires courage.

Prayer: Dear God, You know how difficult it is for me to step forward in the face of differences with someone I love. Be with me as I negotiate my close relationships, alert me to those moments of capitulation, remind me of your love and support, and that true compassion requires honesty and forthrightness as well as understanding. Above all, give me the courage, the clarity and the compassion to speak of differences in a mutually empowering way, inviting the other to step in my shoes without demeaning their experience. Amen

A black mood

1Samuel 16:14 At that very moment the Spirit of God left Saul and in its place a black mood sent by God settled on him. He was terrified.

It’s hard not to feel for Saul in this moment. He made some mistakes, some bad mistakes, trying to live up to what he thought was being asked of him. But he had felt the Spirit of God working in him, and what a terrible, bottomless pit of a depression it must have been to feel it gone. He must have felt hopeless, helpless, powerless, useless and of course, terrified. So what can he do in that moment? The only thing that I’ve ever been able to do in those moments is accept what I’m feeling and give it to God. I pray, I journal, I do this, and usually, eventually, God brings me out of it. But Saul never surrenders in that way. He keeps fighting it. He keeps deluding himself with the notion that he can hold on to his kingship without God’s help, that he can somehow get rid of David, even though he sees and it is clear to everyone that God’s Spirit is with David. And then Saul sinks even lower. He hates. Even though David is the one person who can alleviate Saul’s black moods, through the music of the harp; even though David fights valiantly for Saul, defeating the Philistines over and over again; even though Saul’s son Jonathan, who would be the one to inherit the kingdom, pledges himself to David – or no, it is probably just because of these things that Saul hates David. They are all evidence of what he has lost: God’s favor. Depression, hatred, envy: these are all experiences that eat away at the soul, take the joy from living and poison relationships.

Prayer: Dear God, Make me aware of those times when depression, hatred or envy begins to threaten my well-being. Help me to accept my human frailty, and offer these feelings to you, so that I might receive your divine grace. Burn them out of my heart with your love and compassion, that they might be replaced with gratitude at all you have done in my life, compassion toward others, and acceptance of my state in life, and your divine will which will always be shrouded in mystery. Amen

Who's in charge?

1Samuel 13:9 So Saul took charge. “Bring me the burnt offering and the peace offerings!” He went ahead and sacrificed the burnt offering.

Saul is waiting for Samuel to come and officiate at the sacrifices so he can take his army and attack the Philistines, who are gathering in force. The seven days appointed have come and Samuel still isn’t there, and Saul is getting anxious because the longer he waits, the more men run off from his armies in fear. So he goes ahead, and loses God’s favor on his kingship. The problem here it seems to me, is that Saul has stepped out of his role. He has taken charge. As King, he is in charge of the battle strategies and leading his men, but Samuel is the priest, the prophet, the intermediary between Israel and God. And Saul steps into that role with no knowledge or background or understanding, and against God’s explicit instructions because of his own anxieties. So what is it that Saul doesn’t get? He doesn’t get that Samuel anointed him, at God’s bidding; that God is in charge, and can rout the Philistines with only two men if necessary (which happens on the very next page, with Saul’s son Jonathon, who really does get it); and that his job is to lead the people as their king, not as their priest, to obey God in all things and to stick with what he knows. All of this leads me to wonder, where am I stepping out of what God calls me to? Where in my life am I taking charge of what God needs to be in charge of? Am I responding to my own anxiety instead of listening to the voice of God and trusting? Do I act out of fear instead of faith, making foolish and precipitous choices just as Saul did? Or do I see my fear for what it is, and refuse to allow it to take over and push me into action which does not represent God’s call?

Prayer:

Dear God, Anxiety is a potent force in my life, and I know it can push me into doing things that aren’t right, just to get it over with. Help me recognize and accept my anxiety for what it is -- fear of the future or of the unknown -- and use it as a reminder to turn to you in confidence and faith. Amen

Fighting my own Battles

1Samuel 8:20 Then we’ll be just like all the other nations. Our king will rule us and lead us and fight our battles.

It’s hard being the chosen people, standing out from your neighbors, worshipping other gods, following other customs, traditions. And it’s just the same for us today. How many parents hear their kids say, “I just want to be like the other kids”? And how many times have I compared myself to others with those same words? Somehow, my troubles look bigger, or worse because of the ways that they seem to set me apart from others. So the Israelites want to be like their neighbors, have the same kind of government, a king. But there’s another piece here, too. Why do they want a king? So he’ll “fight our battles.” What they are saying is they no longer want the responsibility for their own self-determination under God’s dominion. Being in charge of your own life is too hard; they want someone else to do it for them. And that never works. There is only one person who can live my life: Me. Whenever I abdicate responsibility to someone else, I surrender a piece of God’s plan for me, because I am the only one who can fulfill that unique vision. It might feel good at the time, but in the long run it’s a little death that grows and grows until it can capture my whole life, and I find it’s no longer mine and therefore not mine to give to God. I have given up God’s dominion for someone’s or something else’s.

Prayer: Dear God, It’s so easy to abdicate responsibility for my own life, to let others have their way and avoid conflict. And time and time again it has led me down the garden path. Teach me to be alert, Lord, to those little moments of ceding my autonomy to others. Give me strength to resist, courage to face conflict and endurance to remain true to the life that You have given me, the vision that you call me to. Amen.

The Chest of God was taken

1Samuel 4:18 At the words "Chest of God", Eli fell backward off his stool where he sat next to the gate. Eli was an old man and very fat. When he fell he broke his neck and died. He had led Israel for 40 years. What a calamity!! The Ark of the Covenant ("Chest of God"), the crafted wooden box wherein the God of Israel was presumed to dwell had been captured by the Philistines, Israel's arch-enemies. Now, we don't think of God living in boxes, nor do we think that God can be contained by a particular box or dwelling, although we may find ourselves experiencing a closer connection to God in particular places. But in those days, the Ark was where God was and if it was gone from the community, God was gone from the community. No wonder the shock knocked Eli off his seat -- it must have seemed like the end of the world.....But then follows a strange and even amusing tale about how God plagued the Philistines so badly that they eventually sent the Ark back to the Israelites, along with many solid gold objects to apologize and appease the power of the God of Israel. So, actually, God can take care of things in God's own way, and even do so with a sense of humor. All this says to me, "Lighten up. It's all in God's hands." What work am I doing or worrying about that will be taken care of in its own time? Am I obsessed with getting it done my way, in my time frame? What situations am I turning into calamities, taking too seriously, pressuring myself about because they seem beyond my power, that I might be better off taking more lightly and trusting that it will work itself out in its own time? Prayer: Dear God, It's easy to take my problems so seriously that I forget what is really important: You and Your Kingdom. Help me to take my own problems more lightly, to offer them to you for working out in your time, and stay focused on what is important--living the life you call me to. Amen

There'll be no glory

Judges 8:27 Gideon made the gold into a sacred ephod and put it on display in his hometown, Ophrah. All Israel prostituted itself there. Gideon and his family, too, were seduced by it. So Gideon has been faithful to God -- he smashed the Baal altar and tore down the Asherah poles (these are the holy places of the Canaanite religions) and then defeats the Midianites just as God commanded and ordained. He even refuses the people's entreaties to rule over them as King and says "God will rule over you." But he succombs at the end to this notion of reward. The people are dying to thank him, why not ask for a little gold, just an earring apiece, their pockets are overflowing with booty! And he fashions the gold into a sacred object. And then the trouble begins, because the ephod stops being an avenue to the divine and becomes the end in itself. I wonder what was most seductive about it: was it the skill of the craftsmanship, or just the shine and beauty of the gold itself? Here he had resisted so many temptations, but gets tripped up by his own handiwork. It's as if Gideon was vigilant against thinking he had performed these great deeds on his own, without God, but when it was all over and his guard was down -- the prize, peace in Israel and freedom from the Midianites -- was won, then he succombed to thinking he was pretty hot stuff. Like James Cameron, winning the Oscar for Titanic and succombing to this notion of his own invincibility. And how easy it is to fall into the trap -- you work really hard for something, and you're focused and disciplined and then you accomplish it, and then lose the very qualities that got you there, the focus and discipline and, in Gideon's case (and my own), honoring God first. Prayer: Dear God, It's easy to remember how much I need and rely on you when I'm struggling and to forget when I've accomplished what I want to how much you are a part of everything I do. Remind me to turn to you as faithfully in success as I do in failure, to rely on your guidance even more when I know where I'm going than when I feel lost, because I am more likely then to go off the rails and be seduced by my own knowing and power to move forward. Help me to lay every aspect of my life at your feet and seek your will especially hard when I think I already know what it is. Amen

Dedicated to God

Today we start the saga of the Prophet Samuel, with the story of his mother, Hannah. Eugene Peterson (The Message/Remix) says in his introduction to 1Samuel, that the stories in the Bible are "immersions into the actual business of living itself; this is what it means to be human." And there is no story more human than the story of Hannah longing for a child.
1Samuel 1:26 I prayed for this child and God gave me what I asked for. And now I have dedicated him to God. He's dedicated to God for life. 1Samuel starts with the story of Hannah, taunted for her childlessness, who prays for a child and is answered. In gratitude and thanksgiving, she offers him to be dedicated to God, serving Eli the old priest in God's Temple. Oh, but that must have been hard! Here she has her beloved child, her beautiful son, that she has longed for so fiercely, and she has to leave him at the temple. As the story unfolds, it must have been so clear to her how right that was, and she must have been proud -- and God comforts her with other children to love and care for, but how hard it must have been to walk away that first time, leaving her beloved boy behind. Hannah does this incredibly hard thing -- and it turns out to be amazing! -- but she doesn't know that here. So what difficult tasks does God call me to do? Do I embrace them and follow through regardless of the difficulty because I know God is calling me and for not other reason, or do I shy away, pretend I don't hear, postpone and procrastinate hoping I won't actually have to do it? There are lots of stories like that in the bible, too, often followed by consequences much worse than they might have been. So I wonder, do I have Hannah's courage and faithfulness to do the hard things that God calls me to do? Prayer: Dear God, I know that I am weak and cowardly and it is only through you and in you that I find my strength. Give me the clarity to recognize, the courage to confront and the faithfulness to follow through on the difficult choices you call me to that I might be led not to see you in my story, as Peterson says, but to find my story in you. Amen

Who am I?

Ruth 2:10 She dropped to her knees, then bowed her face to the ground. "How does this happen that you should pick me out and treat me so kindly--a foreigner?" Ruth, my favorite book of the Bible, also the shortest. We are still in the time of the judges, but a very different view of people doing whatever feels right. Today, this verse hit me with a blast of emotion. I was touched by Ruth's humility, her awareness of her low status as a foreign born woman in an Israelite society, and her acceptance of that status, her heartfelt gratitude for Boaz' kindness. "Who am I," she is saying,"that you would bother with me?" That makes me think of Psalm 8:5a -- Who are people that you, God, should bother with us?. It reminds me of Mary and her response to the annunciation -- who am I, she is saying, to be blessed by God, exalted, in this way? And to me it's not a mean condition or groveling, but a realistic understanding of where Ruth stands, a full acceptance of that. Then there is room for wonder, gratitude, reflection on God's mercy in so many ways. If I can see myself in the fullness of God's plan, of the created universe, humbly accept the limited and lowly, even insignificant role I play in that larger scheme of things, then there is room for surprise, for wonder, for blessing. But if I approach life with a sense of my own importance, like a well-born aristocrat, someone who feels entitled to life's rewards, then there is no room for wonder and blessing and gratitude, which opens up the space for the other two. Instead, it's all about expectations being met or not met, and there's an inevitable sense of deprivation as a result. "Why isn't life being what I think it should be? Don't I deserve to have my expectations met?" It all gets in the way of being with what is, enjoying what is, experiencing life as it is. I so recognize that in myself, more in the past than now, but I still sometimes get caught in that trap. And the remedy? Humility. Get real about where I fit into all that is, my true relationship to God, whose nature is as far beyond mine as the potter's is beyond that of the clay. Prayer: Dear God, I thank you for the example of your daughter Ruth, in her graciousness and humility. Help keep my spirit humble. Above all, help me notice when I get off track, when expectations get me seeing my life as half empty rather than half full and lead me back to your path of humility, acceptance and grace. Amen

The time of the Judges

Judges 21:25 At that time there was no king in Israel. People did whatever they felt like doing. There was a king though, God was supposed to be ruling over Israel. But people forgot that and made up the rules as they went along. By this time, the end of Judges, we have a story of rape, murder and more than one bloody massacre. In other words, chaos. This is what happens when people set themselves up to rule their own little fiefdoms. And there the 12 Tribes were breaking apart! A man traveling thought he would be safer staying the night in an Israelite town, a Benjaminite town, rather than one ruled by "foreignors" (the Jebusites). He discovers total lawlessness, gives his concubine to be gang-raped and murdered to save himself, and then calls all the other tribes to seek revenge. So from one horrible wrong, everything escalates until you have Israelites slaughtering Israelites, and then kidnapping foreign women to be the wives of what's left of the tribe of Benjamin, in whose city the whole thing started. A brutal and bloodthirsty time.
Prayer: Dear God, I am so fortunate to live in a place and at a time which is relatively peaceful and under the rule of law and order. Open my heart to the sufferings of those who are not so fortunate: those who live in open warfare, who are the victims of genocide, refugees living in limbo and others who are oppressed and in danger. Touch their hearts with your presence that they might know how you love and cherish them even in the midst of the suffering they endure. Amen.

Making Choices to Take Care of Myself

Today I read the story of Samson (Judges 13:1 - 16:31). Boy, that is one bloody, vicious story! So, today nothing called me from the Bible, but I did find something in Courage to Change, which is from the 12-Step programs, and something I also include in my daily reflections.
...the lesson that detachment teaches. When I sense that a situation is dangerous to my physical, mental or spiritual well-being, I can put extra distance between myself and the situation. This doesn't mean I stop loving the person, only that I acknowledge the risks to my own well being and make choices to take care of myself.
What a perfect description, not only of the action of detachment but also its purpose of self-care! It's also a way to save me from the trial, keep me from the temptation to behave in ways that I don't like, from things that pull me off my path, call me away from what nurtures and supports me. How do I help from getting sucked into some whirlwind of activity someone else has gotten into? How do I keep "people-pleasing" from seducing me into eating what I don't want and eating more than I want? The biggest thing about this, I think, is the permission to say "no". When something is not in my best interests--like staying up late to watch another TV show--or is, like being honest about my likes and dislikes and not going to movies I know will leave me feeling hopeless and discouraged, I can say "no" to take care of myself. I need to hew to my own agenda, the path God calls me to, which includes times of stillness and solitude. These are just some of the ways that I can use detachment to support my walk in faith. As my rector says, "No is a spiritual word." Detachment doesn't mean lack of love or compassion, but it does proceed from the recognition that I am not responsible for other people's feelings, that God has called me to a particular path and I won't find my way going down other people's roads or by trying to drag them down mine; that love and intimacy can live with and even thrive with distinction and difference as much as sameness; that my responsibility is to follow God's call as well as I can and not be sidetracked by what other people want from me.

Prayer: Dear God, Thank you for a powerful reminder of why and how to keep the boundaries I need clear and strong. Keep your will clear and strong before me so that I can stand up to the temptations that pull me away. Amen

Let the Beauty we love be what we do.

RUMI:

Today like every other day we wake up empty and scared.
Don't open the door to the study and begin reading!
Take down the dulcimer.
Let the beauty we love be what we do.
There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground

I have been waking up feeling helpless, overwhelmed, sad and hopeless this past week. By the time I have done my reading, meditation and writing in my journal, I find myself full of God's peace and able to move on with my day. But the day after I started this blog, I woke up feeling distressed and anxious, and I thought about this blog and what I would say and how I wanted to say it, and I found that the distress dissipated quite quickly. So, while I would say that my Bible reading and meditation on God's word are my dulcimer, immediately putting me right with the world, it seems that this blog, too, calls me out of myself and into an appreciation for all that is beautiful and miraculous. I have for a long time been developing my yen to write, and this new venture feels like the culmination of a long journey to find a platform and a function that fits. I am still getting the hang of it, getting into the rhythm, or getting it into the rhythm of my life, but I am grateful for this place that can facilitate what will be a new conversation for me.

Prayer: Dear God, Thank you for the inspiration to begin this blog. I pray that my words may be an avenue of your divine love and will, opening people's hearts to the truth of your power. Amen

My first post

1Peter 4:8

"Above all love each other deeply because love covers over a multitude of sins"

Love each other deeply, that means fully with everything you've got. I think I have always thought of this as meaning when you love someone a lot you don't notice their faults because your love them so much, your love covers over their faults. That is, love invites you to accept them fully, faults and all. Or, as in the love is blind idea, gets you to ignore them. But I wonder if what Peter is referring to here is the redemptive work of love; that is, as I love another person deeply, with all I have, it calls out of me my best self. The actual work of love, of caring for another human being leads me away from my own faults, invites me away from a me-centered view of the universe, and so calls me into a better life. And further on that theme, when my life is weighed in the balance, the love I have carried, the love I have born for others in my life, and the actions I have taken to enact that love will weigh more heavily in the scales than a multitude of my sins. And if sin is that which keeps us apart from God, and if God is love, then the very act of loving draws us toward a closer intimacy with God without room for the splitting apart of sin.
And I want to include a bigger chunk of Peter's epistle here, because it seems to me as good a recipe for Christian discipleship as any given in the Bible.

1Peter4:8-11a

Above all, love each other deeply because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms. If you speak, you should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If you serve, you should do so with the strength that God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ.

Prayer: Dear God, Teach me to love others as you love me, with full acceptance of who they are, that they may see, through me, your all encompassing love which is available to all. Amen