Where you are Right Now

1 Corinthians 7:17 And don't be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there.

Where you are right now. Paul is talking about marriage here, and also station in life (slave or free), but this could apply to any part of our lives. We are always in a process of change -- life is a journey, not a destination -- but how much misery do I cause myself by tickling my imagination with being someplace else: someplace else in my career, or in a different career, relationship, city or community? This is idle fantasy. If I am really called to a certain change, it will come out of being exactly where I am right now. Only out of that full awareness and commitment does true change happen, that is, a real shift in my experience of my life, not just exchanging one circumstance for another one equally flawed.

When I went to Jerusalem four years ago, I gave myself the gift of believing that whoever I was with was the person I was meant to be with, that where I was was exactly where I was meant to be. It brought me to a presence with my experience that encouraged all of my interest and curiosity. It was some time after I returned that I realized I could give myself that gift all the time. It's what I try to remember when I get bored or annoyed: that there is something in this moment for me to give or receive. Then I use my mindfulness practice to be present. After all, I am here and not anywhere else; and I can only be here and not anywhere else, so I might as well fully be present with it.

Prayer: Dear God, Thank you for this reminder to live purposefully as your disciple wherever I find myself. Let me live in such a way that through my actions, others may see Your Face. Amen

the Temple of God

1Corinthians 3:13 You realize don't you that you are the Temple of God, and God Himself is present in you?

What does it mean to be God's Temple? God is the source of the sacred fire burning within me that brings me life. But that fire must be tended, and the Temple cared for if it is to be a place where God's Presence can shine like a light into the world. So I need to tend to the fire, the spirit within, through all my spiritual practices -- like this reading and writing, like my contemplative practices and being part of a supportive community. And I need to tend the Temple by keeping it in good repair attending to its needs, providing the right fuel so all of its systems run effectively.

My church recently completed a renovation of our Parish Hall. It took literally years to get the right plan executed. At first the plans were grandiose--a big expansion of our footprint and a huge budget. What we ended up with was no increase in actual floor space, but a well designed much less expensive and more efficient use of the space we have. And now the electricity works, the systems are reliable, the windows open -- it's a beautifully designed but simply executed space that really addresses the congregations' needs. Our bodies are the same way. They need the right fuel -- good healthy food -- and environment -- physical and lots of fresh air -- in order to be healthy so that we can carry out God's work. We need to get our systems checked periodically and address issues before they get serious if we can. Our bodies are the Temples of God and need to be treated with respect.

Prayer: Dear God, Holiday times are indulgent times, yet I know that's not always best for my body. Help me keep in mind that I am your Temple when I make choices this holiday season. Amen

Faith expressed in Love

Galatians 5:6 For in Christ, neither our most conscientious religion nor disregard of religion amounts to anything. What matters is something far more interior: faith expressed in love.

Here we are finally in the New Testament and back to Eugene Peterson's vigorous translation, The Message. Since we are going through the Bible roughly in the order it was written, however, we are not starting with the Gospels, but with Paul's letters, which were the first Christian documents circulated. Galatians is understood to be the oldest.

Paul is telling us what freedom in Christ means. It doesn't mean doing whatever we want, licentiousness or seeking only our own pleasure, but it's not about the rules either. Rules can only affect our outward behavior, but faith in Christ changes us from within. This faith, expressed in love, then guides our actions, transforms our desires so that at times we joyfullly follow the rules as the best way to express that faith-love, and at times we break them to serve that same expression. It's no longer about the rules at all! We are driven by true freedom, a freedom to love extravagantly all whom we meet, a freedom that brings joy, serenity, loving compassion

Paul compares the results to the fruit of a well-tended tree (5:22), gifts that are the natural result of living a faith filled life. He also describes the dangers of a self-filled life (5:19-20) which in Eugene Peterson's vivid contemporary language sounds like a list of all the ills society now struggles with. In fact, he describes this life of "trying to get your own way all the time" (5:19) as a sort of compulsion, an addiction that wants more and more of whatever it is --- sex, food, drink, money or material goods -- compulsively, because these are not what is ultimately satisfying. The life of the spirit, lived in the freedom of Chirst, begets a life of peace, serenity and joy, precisely because it satisfies our deepest needs as human beings.

My son says -- he's 22 -- that in fact, it is therefore a selfish choice to follow Jesus, becuase it really is in my own best interest, and I would have to agree. It is the ultimate selfishness to live a faithful life, filled with joy and peace and community, but paradoxically, we achieve it by withdrawing from self-interest and pursuits of the fulfillment of our material appetities. It says in the prayer book about Jesus, "His service is perfect freedom." That is the central paradox of Christianity: submit to Christ and find true freedom. There's a Rumi ppoem that describes this paradox as a cool fountain on one side and a pit of fire on the other. Those who go into the fountain, find themselves inthe fire and vice versa. If we try to avoid what is difficult, surrender ourselves to rules and externals, even a person or leader, we only find ourselves in more difficulty. Of such leaders, Paul says, "They want to shut you out of the free world of God's grace, so that you will always depend on them for approval and direction, making them feel important." (4:17) All such submission is slavery and contrary to Christ's call.

Christ has set us free. Live life as a glorious dance with Spirit, faith expressed as love. By blessing others with our care and service, we send out waves of love that touch lives we don't even know about in a never ending cycle of love and compassion, bringing about the Kingdom of God right here on earth.

Prayer: Dear God, I am earnestly seeking my role in the establishment of Your Kingdom on earth. Guide me to that unique expression for which you have called me and teach me to surrender all that I am to that vision when I have found it. Amen.

You have need of nothing

2 Maccabees 14:35 O Lord of all though you have need of nothing, you were pleased that there should be a temple for your habitation among us.

The Supreme Lord has need of nothing. God is Presence everywhere and doesn't need a roof, a place to sleep, a place to hang out. We build our temples, our churches, our mosques, for ourselves, to set aside sacred space apart from our daily lives so that we can take the time and the space necessary to experience the Presence of God. Even though God is with us always, as close as our breath, that realization, that understanding, is hard to stay connected with in the hustle and bustle. So we set aside space and time to put away all our material cares and needs and allow ourselves to be Present with God.

The danger is that we begin to mistake the place that we have put aside for God, for God Himself. We start to treat the temple, the church, the mosque as the Divine Presence Itself. It is there to remind us, to support us in opening up to Presence. It can never stand in for it. Yet this is a mistake people make over and over again. In Islam, they don't allow any representations of human beings or animals in their mosques for fear of just this error. The iconoclasts of early Christianity destroyed icons because they felt the icons were themselves being worshiped. Icons are meant to be windows opening to the divine; it's not the window that is important, it's what the window allows you, or invites you, to see. The Buddhists say that their teachings are a finger pointing to the moon. We get caught up examining the finger and what it means instead of following its direction and looking at the moon it points to. So with all discussions, explanations and representations -- even this blog! None of it has value in itself, but only insofar as it draws us toward a realization of the Divine Presence that is always available.

Prayer: Dear God, I thank you for this forum to speak of you to others. Let me never be confused about where Truth lives and mistake the messenger for the Message. Amen

The spirit was rekindled

1Maccabees 13:7 The spirit of the people was rekindled when they heard these words.

What a difference a few words of encouragement can make! In this instance, Simon was encouraging the people of Judah, after the death of his brother Jonathon, the second Maccabee brother to take the leadership position and die trying. He has just reassured them that he will carry on the work of his family.

I have experienced a rekindling of my spirit lately. I have been working to increase my practice through some outside marketing, and I am not the world's best businessperson. I find it easy to become discouraged or confused or overwhelmed -- it is just not my bailiwick! Several weeks ago, I was finding myself dreading Monday mornings, not experiencing the usual uplift I do after my Sunday Sabbath rest. I was feeling the pinch of needing to generate more income, along with a feeling of hopelessness that I could actually accomplish this task. I have set off on marketing junkets before, but they have never gotten very far. This time, I was referred to a group, the Job Club, which was meeting at a nearby Church. I was intimidated the first couple of meetings, but several weeks later, I am feeling energized, and capable, and more than that, I am actually getting some stuff done! There is nothing like going into a room with a tentative idea, offering it up and getting back, "That's a great idea!" along with 10 tactics for moving it along. WOW! I have been running like crazy (mostly on my computer), busy creating and checking off lists of tasks, and really moving the whole process forward. What's more, I am eagerly looking forward to the next step! That tells me I am finding the right focus, that the Spirit is energizing me because my purpose is in line with my spiritual purpose, with God's purpose for me. I welcome my day of rest, but also wake on Monday excited about the week to come, all God wants me to offer the world and the various ways I am figuring out to let people know about it. And a great deal of the credit goes to this small, faithful community that has gathered around me (as I have gathered with them for each of us), where I have learned I have something to offer others in their pursuit of work and purpose, as well as coming to understand what God calls me to give to the world. Hallelujah!

Prayer: Dear God, Thank you for the faithfulness of this small community, for their support in helping me move my business forward in such a positive way. As I seek to live more and more in Your Kingdom, I ask your continued guidance that the choices I make, the services I offer will further your work in the world. Amen.

They did not believe

1Maccabees 10:46 When Jonathon and the people heard these words, they did not believe or accept them because they remembered the great wrongs that Demetrius had done them in Israel and how much he had oppressed them.

These Maccabees -- it's just battle after battle! This little turn of events interested me, however. The Israelites have just received an amazingly generous offer from one of their enemies seeking an alliance. He wants no tribute, will free all captives and offers to pay for the rebuilding of Jerusalem. But the Jewish people don't buy it. History tells them they can't trust these honeyed words. And it turns out, they are absolutely right!

How often am I taken in by sweet words, promises about the future that don't reflect the reality of past behavior? Or just by stuff that sounds too good to be true? It's not that people can't change; they can, but it's hard and incremental, and until you can see the changes in someone's behavior, even the beginnings of changes, all the promises in the world are just smoke.

And am I guilty of the same behavior? Making promises, even with the best of intentions, that I can't deliver on? Saying what feels good, or makes me looks good, or appeases others, but not what I really mean or believe or can actually make happen? I know that I believe too easily in others' good intentions, but perhaps I also believe too easily in my own. Can I be straightforward and honest at times it would be easier just to go along with the momentum? Or do I set other people up to be exploited, or disappointed, by my too glib promises?

Prayer: Dear God, Help me discern a person's genuine capacity to follow through on their commitments. At the same time, make me more honest in my own promises and commitments. Help me resist the easy promise that doesn't fit with my actual desires or intentions. Make me fearless in speaking the truth, the truth tempered with compassion. Amen

Let us make a name for ourselves

1Maccabees 5:57 So they said, "let us also make a name for ourselves: let us go and make war on the gentiles around us."

1Maccabees was written in the second century B.C.E. and describes the revolt of the Jewish people under the leadership of Matathias and his five sons, the most famous of whom is Judas Maccabeus. The soldiers speaking in the above quote have been duly impressed by Judas' astonishing victories over forces five to ten times as numerous as his own. They are stirred to imitate him. Unfortunately, their intentions are way off. They are not following God, but instead seeking their own glory. As a result, they are doomed to failure.

I think I spent the first half of my life going after the glory. It wasn't fame per se, necessarily, that I was aiming for. I was never particularly ruthless in my ambition, and I imagined there would be benefits to others, but it wasn't about them, it was for me. It was to gratify that inner longing to be seen and recognized. What I didn't understand, and am now just beginning to, is that seeking one's reknown, seeking to be known by the world, seeking to be seen and acknowledged by the people around us does not lead, ultimately, to the most rewarding life. I am very impressed when I come across younger people who have already figured this out. The most rewarding life, the one that Jesus of Christianity calls us to, is to live in service to God, to seek first His Kingdom.

I am reading a wonderful book by the Quaker Richard Foster on The Freedom of Simplicity. One point he makes is that outward simplicity begins with inner simplicity and it is this call to seek God first in all things which moves us toward that inner simplicity. If I have one call, one passion, one direction, that is, to seek God's will for me, rather than my will for myself, to seek His Kingdom first and foremost, that is a point of clarification. What things are unnecessary in the light of that intention? What things lose their importance in the light of that one, sacred purpose? He talks about obedience being the avenue to develop true humility, which leads us to the Joy and Peace that Jesus promises us, that God promises us. I don't think it was an accident that the biggest achievement of my career came after I returned to my faith. And even with that grounding, achieving what I had longed for was often powerfully able to pull me off my intentions, to push my focus away from where God was calling me. It's not that we achieve perfectly our purpose; that, frankly, is impossible. It's that, as Thomas Merton says, "I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you." It's an uncertain path, leading through dark woods, but we are led by the light of faith, and in that we must find hope and contentment.

Prayer: Dear God, I have been stumbling and losing my way. The requirements of life, the needs of the world have pulled me away from reaching toward You. Help me to keep my focus clear. Give me the tools to be mindful of You and where You are calling me. Give me insight to discern where I am serving Your Purposes, and where I am not, and give me the strength to say no to all that pulls me away from Your Path. Amen.

I choose

Susanna 23 (Daniel 13:23) I choose not to do it. I will fall into your hands rather than sin in the sight of the Lord.

This short story is one that appears in the Greek translations of Daniel, but not the Hebrew ones, so it is relegated to the Apocrypha. Daniel makes an appearance at the end, which is how it gets associated with his book, and it can be placed right before Daniel (the Daniel that appears is a young man) or directly after. A short and simple story, it describes how two elders of the community lust after the beautiful Susanna and conspire to make her give in to their desire. This quote is how she replies to their threat to accuse her of adultery unless she has sex with them.

How often do I refrain from doing the right thing because I am afraid of the consequences? These elders are hoping to use Susanna's fears about being accused of adultery (a crime punishable by death) to get her to do something she knows is wrong. As I read through this verse, it was as if I knew what it was going to say. Think about it. If she gives in and sleeps with these two guys, who's to say what they'll do? Perhaps they'll keep demanding more and more of her, risking exposure for the wrong she was actually doing. Perhaps they'll betray her, like David's son Amnon did after raping his sister Tamar. Then what would she have gained? Susanna decides to remain true to God and the principles of a God-driven life. Then at least, she can bank on her own innocence in God's sight. If she gives in, she has nothing to count on. This is an example of what I would call Right Action.

I've never had to make such a decision under threat of death as Susanna does, but each day I make little decisions when potential rewards are offered for doing what I feel isn't right, even in small and seemingly insignificant ways. If I can hold onto those principles, hold onto listening to God's call even in those small ways, I can hold onto a kind of integrity of a God centered life. God within, guiding me: this is the call of integrity. As I get older, this call to integrity becomes more and more important to who I am. If I am God's, I must live the integral, whole life that God calls me to. Otherwise, what's it all about? The choice is mine, as it was Susanna's. If I choose to follow God, I will suffer (all living involves suffering) but I will be whole and out of that wholeness comes the capacity to be with my suffering and not have it destroy me. Because God will be there as well, and following his call ensures that I will know and experience His Presence. If I am broken inside, through not living according to God's call to me, if I am split in my loyalties, making decisions based on their effects in my life rather than what is True and Right, then the inevitable suffering will break me in half; I won't be able to stand it because the Source from which I draw my strength won't be so available. My access will be challenged by all the wrong choices, wrong decisions, practices that take me farther and farther apart from God.

Prayer: Dear God, I have never had to face the difficult choice Susanna does, but every day I make little choices which build on one another in an accumulation of either a strong, integrated soul or a weak split one. Guide me in my small choices so that I may stand whole before you and follow Your Call to service. Amen.

Just as he had always done

Daniel 6:10 When Daniel learned that the decree had been signed and posted, he continued to pray just as he had always done.

What an example of steadfast loyalty and consistency of practice! Daniel's enemies in the Babylonian court have convinced the king to issue a decree ordering that anyone caught worshiping a god other than the king be put in the lion's den, but even this decree doesn't throw Daniel off his game. I can see him up there, sitting on his roof, facing Jerusalem three times each day, through rain and storms and blistering heat. Sort of like the US Postal Service. That's to say nothing of the inner storms that might be erupting at the prospect of facing a hungry lion. Through it all, Daniel continues his practice of prayer, a practice of praise, worship and thanksgiving.

And here I am, tossed by my own inner storms of such a mild nature compared to Daniel's--just the agitation of meeting life's challenges, the anxieties of living every day. When I find myself too susceptible to these inner and outer storms, I can look to Daniel as an example, and ask: Am I being consistent with my practices of prayer and contemplation? Am I reading and reflecting on scripture often enough? If I do these things consistently -- and I do some more consistently than others -- they form a foundation for my life, a house built on rock that cannot be shaken. If I abandon them, I abandon myself. Then the house of my life is built on sand, susceptible to every breeze, ready to be scattered in all directions by the first difficulty that comes my way. So I need to remind myself to make these practices an integral part of my life, every day. I have a community that practices contemplative prayer together, and that is a huge support to my own practice. When life gets too busy, and I start to neglect my reading, it really shows. And when difficulties arise, and my emotions get stirred up, when I can keep with these practices it really makes a difference. Reminds me what I am about, whose I am, and that with God at the helm, everything is going to be all right. God will give me what I need to deal with whatever comes. My practices of prayer and contemplation are the outward expression of that faith, that certainty.

Prayer: Dear Lord, Help me to turn to my contemplative practices for grounding in the face of life's storms, and to keep my gaze fixed on you whatever comes my way. Amen.

He holds your life in his hand

Daniel 5:23 But you treat with contempt the living God who holds your entire life from birth to death in his hand.

This is the famous incident of the "writing on the wall." Drunken King Belshazzar of Babylon has called in the sacred vessels from the Temple in Jerusalem, which his father Nebuchadnezzar had brought back, and is eating and drinking off them as if they are ordinary plates. The words written on the wall pronounce his doom.

Do we honor the sacred in our lives? The presence of God as it exists in every human being is one place I see the sacred. We can respect each person and listen to understand his or her truth, whether we agree or disagree with a particular point of view. We know what it is like to be treated with hostility or contempt, to be intimidated, demeaned and ignored. The Torah says, "Don't do to others what you wouldn't want done to you." This kind of treatment denies the sacred in every living human. Jesus said, "Do not return evil for evil." So even when we are treated in contemptuous ways, we are called not to respond in kind. Desmond Tutu told of spending hours prostrate on the floor praying to God because he could feel the hatred beginning to grow in his heart for all those who had oppressed his people.. He could not take one step without clearing his heart of anger or it would taint all that he was trying to accomplish. That's a pretty high standard, but a good example. I found myself in a situation recently where I was treated with hostility, intimidation tactics and a dismissive attitude. As my mind continues to walk through ways of getting one-up on them (in a good Christian way, of course!) it is clear my heart is troubled. I need to clear my heart, like Desmond Tutu did, before I make a move.

Prayer: Dear God, Thank you for the clarity with which you have shown me my path. Cleanse my heart of all the effects of this event so that I may once again be present to the sacred in all people. Amen

Even if he doesn't

Daniel 3:18 But even if he doesn't, it wouldn't make a bit of difference, O King. We still wouldn't serve your gods or worship the gold statue that you set up.

Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, three Israelite youth who are in captivity in Babylon, are about to be thrown into the fiery furnace. They are among the lucky ones in captivity, because they have been recognized for their intelligence and abilities, and are being educated along with the other court wise men and are fed the King's diet. They have a lot of privilege in this situation, but their dedication to the One True God, Jahweh, has not been diminished. They know God can rescue them from the fiery furnace, but they're not expecting it. They will follow God, through the fire if they must, but they will honor God above all else, and not deviate from the path they are called to.

It's humbling. I don't have much doubt what I would do if faced with a fiery furnace -- Yes, sir, where should I kneel to worship this statue of yours, these other gods you have chosen? All God asks of me really is to be faithful in small ways in the face of the minor difficulties that make up my life, to rejoice in his gifts, to follow his path and to lay my anxieties at his feet. There are no fiery furnaces, or lions and gladiators in front of me, not even some of the more serious worries of people today who are getting laid off with families to support, or losing their houses. No, there are just the every day anxieties of bills to be paid, sick relatives to attend to, trying to earn a sufficient living and doing what lies in front of me. Stories like this, humbling as they are, give me the perspective and backbone to carry on, to see what is in the glass, not just what is missing. These mornings when I feel like pulling the covers over my head and staying in bed all day, I can step out in faith and confidence that I can do the small things life has presented me with.

Prayer: Dear God, You have given me so much and what you ask is all that I have and all that I am. Give me the courage to be fully the person you are calling me to be as I address all the complexity that life offers. Amen.

You pulled me from the grave

Jonah 2:6 I was as far down as a body can go, and the gates were slamming shut behind me forever--Yet you pulled me up from that grave alive, O GOD, my God!

If you know the story of Jonah, you can probably guess where this long prayer comes; you would say he is giving thanksgiving for his deliverance from the whale that swallowed him. If you thought that, though, you'd be wrong. This is the prayer Jonah prays while he is still inside the whale. It is a prayer of thanksgiving for deliverance before that deliverance happens. How many of us have that kind of faith? Not me. Right after it, God speaks to the fish and Jonah is thrown up onto the shore. So here you have this guy, a prophet, with the kind of faith that moves mountains and opens the mouths of whales, and yet he still thinks he can run away from God, can avoid the destiny God is calling him to. It's a conundrum to me. The problem with Jonah is that he doesn't want God to save the Ninevites, to whom he has been called to preach, because they are Israel's enemies, and he doesn't want them to receive the grace and mercy in which he knows that the God he worships abounds. When he's on his game, he's unstoppable; but when he goes against God, he'll do anything, go anywhere to avoid it, and when he is forced to go and preach, and the Ninevites do repent and God relents, his anger is as powerful as his faith.

This whole book ends with a question. God shows Jonah that Jonah changes his mind, from pleasure to pain, just because of a small vine that grows up overnight, provides him some shade, and then dies. Then God asks Jonah, can't God change his mind, too? We never get Jonah's answer. My suspicion is that he's still royally pissed off about the whole thing, that he had to be God's instrument bringing about the salvation of people he hated. It makes me wonder, what are the ways I am standing in the way of God's purposes for me because of my hatreds, or prejudices, or fears. Jonah knew God's power, knew what God wanted of him; that's why he could pray so fearlessly in the belly of the whale, telling God he would go and do what God asked, knowing God so well that his release from the whale was a done deal even before it happened. I only have an inkling of that, and only at times. If I could really see myself where God wants me to be, and I can give thanks for that, joyfully accepting the call, what new possibilities might unfold in my life? What are the fears or prejudices that get in the way, what are the ideas I carry around about what I "should" be doing that may have nothing to do with where God is calling me? How do I get down through all the layers and connect with God's true purpose for my life?

Prayer: Dear God, I think of Thomas Merton's prayer -- I believe I am on the path you call me to, but I have no way of knowing if I truly am or not. Kindle in me a fervent desire to know and follow your will. Show me the obstacles that I myself place in the path, and teach me how to overcome them. Know that my true longing is to fulfill the destiny you have ordained for me. Amen.

Finished off their enemies

Esther 9:5 So the Jews finished off all their enemies with the sword, slaughtering them right and left, and did as they pleased to those who hated them.

Revenge. It's a common human response to hatred, injustice and violence, even in this case where the violence was not actually carried out. A preemptive strike: the best defense being a good offense. It's only common sense; if you get them first, then you'll be safer, right? Here's the problem: it's impossible to slaughter everyone who is an enemy, or might become an enemy, or who knows or cares about someone who's an enemy. Where do you draw the line? Wherever you draw it, you will probably exclude some who are potentially dangerous, and include those who are not, thereby perpetrating more injustice. And then your enemies feel entirely justified in slaughtering you the first chance they get. And the hatred and enmity which exists between you gets magnified with each new event, until continual slaughter is the result. An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth results in a country of the blind and toothless.

The interesting thing about this eye for an eye idea is that it was originally intended as a restraint on revengeful slaughter, meant as a mercy. It meant that if someone killed a family member, you were constrained from slaughtering his whole family; all you were allowed was to kill the person who had killed. This idea of mercy is firmly embedded in the Hebrew scriptures, juxtaposed against episodes like this one. Jesus takes it one step further. Not only does he say don't hate your enemies, but he says love them. (Incidentally, I believe one of the psalms says the same thing, and adds "it'll pour hot coals upon his head", meaning, I think, that he'll be shamed and humiliated by your mercy. I'm not sure that's exactly the point Jesus is trying to make). This is a radical concept, and the only way to break the cycle of violence in our world. I remember a story about Desmond Tutu, who was at dinner in conversation about the evils of apartheid, long before the Truth and Reconciliation Commission. After dinner, he went to his room for several hours, and when the host inquired, Tutu said that he had felt the hatred and anger burning in his heart, so he went to pray until he was free of it again. I also think of the Amish whose children were slaughtered by a madman. They insisted on sharing money that was sent them with the family of the murderer, whom they saw equally as victims, and refused to view him with hatred, choosing instead compassion and pity.

This is the radical nature of the walk Jesus calls us to. To love those who harm us and those we love. To return compassion for hatred. Here's another story about the transforming power of this kind of radical love that I heard on the radio. A rabbi moved into a new town which had an active white supremacist movement. One of the members of this group began calling the rabbi's house and leaving vicious, hate-filled messages on his answering machine. Asking around about the man, the rabbi found out that he lived alone, had no support system, and was very ill. The next time the man called, the rabbi picked up the phone and offered to bring him some groceries. It took time and persistence, but eventually the rabbi actually took this man into his home and cared for him. Now the man was traveling the country, talking to these hate groups and others about how his heart had been changed by this expression of love. It's pretty simple: love your enemies. But anyone who thinks it is easy probably hasn't tried it.

Prayer: Dear God, This kind of radical love is not easy to grow, but it is my longing to be filled with Your heart of compassion. Teach me to love those right near by that may frustrate, annoy or even injure me, that through my actions they may know Your all consuming love. Amen.

Who don't fit in

Esther 3:8 Haman then spoke with King Xerxes: "There is an odd set of people scattered through the provinces of your kingdom who don't fit in. Their customs and ways are different from everybody else."

I have been gone a long time! I was away for two weeks, and somehow since my return, I have been running around like a crazy person! Creating some more space in my life is a priority.

Here we are in the book of Esther, about a young woman who because of her beauty is elevated to be Queen of the empire, and from that position is able to intervene and save her people. Haman is the King's second in command, and this verse is a prologue to his suggestion that the King issue a decree that will set off a genocide. Hitler began his assault on the Jews similarly, by talking about their difference, and planting the idea of their opposition to the state, and the larger German nation. The genocide that Haman has planned, however, is more like what happened in Rwanda: the decree will give permission and encouragement for the people to rise up and kill the Jews in their midst, in hand to hand combat: mob violence. And he begins with this idea of difference, of a people that "don't fit in", that have customs and practices that are "different from everybody else".

There are two assumptions here that Haman builds on to make his case for the need to kill these people off. The first is that "we" are all alike, or at least more alike than we are to "them". But all you have to do is look at a family to see that people are very different from one another, even when they claim the same religion, follow the same customs, rely on the same traditions. Look at Cain and Abel: one was a shepherd, one was a farmer, and those differences led to murder, despite the fact that they were in the same family. Our differences reflect our uniqueness, and they can't be eliminated. And the differences between individuals, the variability of individual expression within groups is probably greater than the differences that exist between groups, when you look at them as a whole. This is true whether you look at religious groups, ethnic and cultural groups, or even men and women.

The second assumption which is vital to Haman's plan is the idea that "difference" is a problem, that difference is the reason we "can't all get along", as Rodney King so famously intoned. People often think that couples should have a lot in common, that the less difference there is between them, the better they will get along and the more successful they will be. Let's just ignore the fact that historically, men and women had completely different spheres of work and that didn't necessarily mean a bad partnership, if we look back at the time when marriage was primarily for economic reasons. Even today, with marriages built primarily on ideas of love and emotional connection, research tells us that it is not what couples have in common that makes for long-lasting partnerships; rather it is how they deal with their differences, how they talk across those differences that determine their success. Do they respect each other, treat these differences with courtesy, acceptance and understanding? Are they curious about what makes them different from one another, willing to see the other's differences as something that expands their life -- a "both-and" position -- or are they caught up in an "either-or" stance, a competition where one of them has to win? Acceptance and courtesy can sustain a couple with enormous "differences"; even small differences, if treated with contempt and scorn, will likely lead to the end of the relationship.

So this idea of difference doesn't have to be threatening, but it is still often used to stir up hatred and fear of "the other", those whose external differences may be more pronounced and visible. It's easy to forget, when someone dresses very differently, or has different customs, or just looks physically different, that we still share our human experience. As Shylock said, "If you cut me, do I not bleed?" (I paraphrase). We all share the human experiences of joy and suffering, pleasure and pain, of love for our children and families, and fear of the unknown. These common challenges of living are far more powerful, if we can tap into them, than the differences of culture and behavior that sometimes seem so insurmountable.

Prayer: Dear God, You taught us to pray, "Our Father". Help me see that all people are your children, and thus my brothers and sisters, no matter how different from me they may appear. Help me to see that common human connection, even when I may be turned off or frightened, so that I can honor it and open my heart to those who have been pushed aside because they don't "fit in". Amen.

Their ways are different

Esther 3:8 Haman then spoke with King Xerxes. "There is an odd set of people scattered through the provinces of your kingdom who don't fit in. Their customs and ways are different from everybody else."

These are the words that introduce a plan for genocide. This is what Hitler told Germany, although the proposed genocide is more like Rwanda than Hitler's final solution: the plan is that on a particular day the whole country will rise up and murder all the Jews they can find. It's actually sent out as a proclamation! There are two assumptions buried here, which form the faulty logic that provides the foundation for actions such as these. The first assumption is that "we" are all alike, or at least more alike than we are different from "them." You only have to look at families to see the falsity of that assumption. Totally monocultural families still often have differences in them that tear them apart. Think of wealthy families who come apart at the seams when a key person dies as they fight over the spoils. Look at the very beginnings of the human family, as the Bible describes it: the story of Cain and Abel. There was difference enough here to provide the basis for murder. We get into the same problem when we talk about sex differences. When we say things about large groups, it tends to emphasize differences between groups, and minimizes differences within groups, but there are probably more differences between individual men then there are differences between the large group called "men" and the large group called "women", and you could say the same about the female half of the species. Each of us is unique. That necessitates differences between each one of us, and you can't eliminate that without making us all the same. Uniqueness is the gift of our personalities and the particular array of qualities and abilities that make us who we are; it is embodied in our ego-consciousness. My friend Ron likes to say that ego, in this sense, is a gift of the spirit, but that it tends to get out of hand.

The second assumption, though, is even more fallacious, yet it is a belief that is probably widely held. That assumption is that it is "difference" that is the problem, the reason that we "can't get along" as Rodney King so famously intoned. Take couples. It is often assumed that the more you have in common -- i.e. the less difference between you -- that the better and stronger a foundation you have for the marriage. Current research shows, however, that it is not the amount of difference that matters; it is how the couple deals with their differences, how they talk across those differences, that makes a difference in whether they succeed or fail at establishing their relationship. Are they respectful and courteous with one another, or are they judgmental and critical? Are they available to their partner, or do they stonewall and withdraw? Does each partner need the other to share their perspective in order to feel validated? Or can we view each other with honor and respect, recognize what is different and still feel grounded in our own point of view?

These two assumptions are still used to stir up fear and hatred. People who are "different" must be wrong, otherwise I would be wrong and that thought is intolerable. So we find at the base of this whole issue is some level of uncertainty with who I am. Am I okay if no one agrees with me, or I do things differently? We are social creatures, it is natural to look to our interpersonal context to get a reflection of who we are, but if we, as children, get the respect we need for our differences, we can grow up confident even in a very diverse world. And the very basis of that acceptance and respect is the fact that each of us is a loved child of God, whether we know it or not. The prayer that Jesus gave us starts, "Our father" not "My father". I heard of a very interesting exercise on those two words. The attendees at a retreat were invited to go out and notice the people who felt most different, those that make us say "Thank God I'm not like them!", those that give us the willies. They were to look at those people and say these two words, "Our father" and remember that that person, that really out there human being, is my brother or sister. Those two words, lived out in faith and love, can do away with the fear and hatred that makes the idea of "difference" such a lightning rod for violence.

Prayer: Dear God, I know there are many of your children that I reject in my heart. I also know that You love them. I pray that through Christ my heart may expand as He continues His work in me, until I see all human beings as your children, no matter what their estate, their background, their color, their qualities, their religion or ideologies. Amen.

Finding God

Wisdom 13:9 for if they had the power to know so much that they could investigate the world, how did they fail to find sooner the Lord of these things?

The author is talking about how people make gods out of the things of creation: animals, the elements, sun, wind -- and marvels that seeing the beauties and wonders of nature, they don't make the leap to worship the Inspirer of creation. He makes the point that people worship beauty because that's what they see, and since God can't be seen, they go no further. This is very much the scientific/materialist worldview: anything that I can't see, hear, feel, touch, either personally or through many of the magnificent instruments that people have made to extend their senses, like microscopes and telescopes, is not real. The problem is when these same standards are applied to the religious sphere; they just don't fit! Science can tell us so much about the world we live in, how it works, what happens when you do different things, various causes and effects, and the more science we know, the more we can marvel at what an amazingly complex and interconnected world we live in. Science cannot tell us how we should live our lives, or what actions we should take, or why there is anything at all. It can tell us about possible effects of various decisions, and perhaps that is a guide as far as it goes, but often in interpersonal relations we must make decisions in spite of their effects: think of politicians who need sometimes to stand against public opinion to do something that may be unpopular in the short run, but will be better for everyone in the long run. So there are many areas of life that science cannot touch.

So if science cannot find God, does that mean God is not "real"? Or that God doesn't "exist"? I suppose it depends on how you define those words. If real means having material form like a blanket, then God is not real. And neither is love, compassion, hatred, beauty, fear, inspiration, the power of art to move us, any number of things that would make life poor indeed if we had to do without them. On the other hand, all of these things do have effects on us. Can we see the effects of God? When I sit and meditate, I open myself to God's Presence, and that has real effects on me. Buddhist monks would not necessarily label this Presence "God"; they might use a term like Buddha nature or something. Or Awareness, the Witness, any one of a number of terms. But seekers of God, in the Christian tradition and others, have used all sorts of these kinds of practices to touch a place that is Holy and Sacred, that takes one to the core of Being, that is non-material, and yet changes bodily functions, and provides a foundation for changing a person in his/her relationship to the world. Placing God at the center of my life in this way keeps me from the folly of thinking that I am in control of the world, or even my life, reminds me of my proper, rather insignificant place in this vast universe, yet holds out for me the vision of living a life in sync with God's plans for me, so that I might find my greatest fulfillment in the use of my gifts in service of the world and its people.

So does that mean God is "real"? Through these experiences, I have come to an inner knowing, an inner reliance on this Presence, this Awareness that transcends all things and inspires me with Divine Power. It allows me to be present with others as they face life's trials, and draw strength from the Source. It renews and refreshes me when I am discouraged. It connects me to a deeper Purpose in the face of all my best laid plans which often disappoint. I think of the Marshwiggle, a character from The Silver Chair, one of the Narnia series by C.S.Lewis. The Marshwiggle and his companions are in Underworld, a world below the surface of the earth, and they are being bewitched by a Queen who derides their descriptions of a world on the surface of the earth by calling on logic and reason. The Marshwiggle declares that he doesn't care if the world on the surface is real or not, he would rather live in that vain hope than be content with such a poor world as the Queen presides over. With that declaration, the spell is broken, and they are able to break out of Underworld and find their way to the top again. I suppose it's not the first time that something that's not "real" in a scientific sense has had real effects: think of patriotism, the ideals of justice, freedom, equality, all of which have had tremendous effects in our world. I do want to say, however, that "God" in this sense, is not just an idea to me. It is a palpable reality that undergirds my every action, guides my life and in whom I find my Being. I may not be able to say what is right for other people; there certainly seem to be a lot of people who get along fine without it. But for me, it is the bedrock, the core, the foundation of my life. What do you think?

Prayer: Dear God, I offer you this meager apologetic for Theism. I ask only that it be a way to touch people with Your Presence, that they may find their way to the Joy you offer. Amen.

A Gospel of Inclusion

No scripture today. I happened to catch a show on MSNBC called "To Hell and Back" about Carlton Pearson, an African-American Evangelical in Tulsa Oklahoma. I had originally heard the story on This American Life (www.thislife.org episode called Heretics) and had been thrilled by this story. A prominent preacher, a darling of the Evangelical fire-and-brimstone preaching-hell-to-get-people-saved movement, Carlton is pastor of a megachurch, a leader and a mover and a shaker. Watching a show on African refugees who are starving, seeing the distended bellies of their starving children, Carlton is moved by their plight. But everything he has been taught tells him that these non-Christians are condemned to hell because they have not accepted Jesus as their personal savior. In his internal reflections, he hears God saying to him, "Hell is not a place in the afterlife, but right here on earth. It is what human beings do to each other." He reshapes his thinking, becoming convinced that if Christ saved humanity on the cross, then he saved ALL humanity on the cross, and begins preaching the Gospel of Inclusion.

If he had known what was going to happen, he might have thought twice, but that is how the Holy Spirit works sometimes. He is viciously attacked, labeled a heretic by the movement that had praised him, his church attendance erodes until he is facing bankruptcy with a few stalwart followers. In the face of this massive failure, he is invited to begin anew at a local Episcopal church, and discovers the gift of the Spirit in what for him would have been unthinkable company: homosexuals, AIDS victims and others marginalized in his community. There he was, sitting with the sinners, just as Jesus did, and finding a resurgence of the Spirit in his life and in his mission.

I love this story, but what pushed me to write this blog on it wasn't just to relate the story. You can hear that better through the radio program, or the treatment on MSNBC. What urged me to respond was another interview on the MSNBC program, of one of the Evangelicals who condemned Pearson as a heretic. He says, "Why go to church if you're not trying to save people from hell?" If everybody's already saved, what's the point? he seemed to be saying. That question really roiled around my head and refused to lie still. This is how I answer it:

God, as Jesus, through the cross, has redeemed all humanity from sin, and called us all to be the beloved, cherished children of God that we were intended to be, but most people have no experience of this reality. Abuse, oppression, mistreatment, hardship, all of the sorts of experiences that humans heap on one another, convince most of us that we are bad, shameful, unworthy, worthless, in fact, that God couldn't possibly love us. And we operate out of that awareness, that vision of reality. "I am angry, depressed, hateful, hurtful; I don't matter, in fact, I am actively bad, making the world worse because of my presence." The kind of actions that come from that kind of identity-formation perpetuate the very horrors that created it in the first place. If everyone truly understands, knows at a deep level, actively experiences God's love, that has such a transformative power that it can stop generational abuse in its tracks. And I'm not talking about the way people often speak of parental love, "Oh, I know my parents love me" with the implication that it doesn't really count. I am talking about the love of God invading our hearts, pervading our entire bodies, our minds, the whole range of our experience, and becoming a truth as powerfully felt as that which says I am alive. If people can have that experience, can know and embrace the love that God offers, nothing is ever the same again. That's why I don't mind people like Joel Osteen, which some Christians object to for making the Gospel easy. Yeah, there's more to it, but that is the first step, and unless that profound love is actually and deeply experienced, nothing that comes after will have any meaning or any fruits. That, to me, is what the Gospel of Inclusion is about.

Prayer: Dear God, When I stop and breath, Your Love for me wells up in me and provides the antidote for everything that assails me. Help me to live my life in such a way that others come to know this truth for themselves, and become their own witnesses to Your Divine Power and Grace. And so on, and so on, in a neverending spiral of the outflowing power of Love. Amen.

The righteous will stand

Wisdom of Solomon 5:1 Then the righteous will stand with great confidence in the presence of those who have oppressed them and those who make light of their labors.

People want to be seen. People want their pain to be acknowledged, especially by those who may have caused it. The hardest thing for victims of childhood abuse is when that abuse is never acknowledged, or when it is minimized, or rationalized away with "it wasn't so bad". I think it is often that lack of recognition that encourages people to hold on to their victimization, simply in an effort to make it visible. Here, in this description of the last days, the final judgment, those who have been oppressed are finally being seen clearly by those who have denied what has happened. That is part of the great liberation described here.

I got such a wonderful image out of this. I saw crowds of people, those who had been abused as children, especially those who had been molested and told it was their fault, standing in the sunshine, robes bright with light, while those who had molested them and not taken responsibility for it lay below, enveloped in shadow. I thought of the farm laborers who wanted decent pay standing with them, and the CEO's who refused them that extra penny per pound of tomatoes, while living in luxury, huddling beneath. There are so many more possibilities, and you can probably come up with some of your own: women abused by their husbands; minority youth who are treated like criminals at every turn, so they become criminals; victims of crime, oppression, war, genocide -- all standing strong and proud in the face of those who have inflicted such pain and humiliation on them. There are probably many who belong in both groups -- the victims who grow up to be victimizers, or who, in their desire for revenge, become worse than those who initially victimized them, living out the endless cycle of violence and retribution.


But as I look into the faces of those who hover in the shadows, witnessing their reversal of fortune, the triumph of their victims, I have a secret hope, that in that moment they see the truth of their own wrongdoing. I imagine their hearts opening, and repentance blossoming as they see their victims with new eyes, as beloved, entitled children of God, not there to fulfill the victimizer's selfish purposes but to stand as witnesses to the grace that endures suffering and is not taken over by it. That is the radical message of Jesus. Love your enemy means to stand apart from that desire for revenge, that desire to get back at someone for what they have done to you, to break that cycle of violence and retribution that is passed back and forth between peoples and down through the generations. It is a commitment to continue to live life in the fullest way possible, guided by compassion, and not to allow bitterness and anger to restrict the soul in its passage. For that is what is seen in the eyes of those in the light: compassion, openness and joy, the commitment to reject the constricted role of victim and partake of the blessings God offers through forgiveness and surrender to His Will.

A pipe dream? Maybe so, but one I feel called to live in my own little way, and a vision of reconciliation that we have already seen lived out in South Africa's Truth and Reconciliation Commission. Will we ever get rid of violence and oppression? No, probably not. But we can still build on this radical message of Jesus to make things better even in our flawed and chaotic world.

Prayer: Dear God, I have been so fortunate in my life not to fall prey to violence and oppression, but my very privilege can invite me into the oppression of others without knowing it. Wherever I feel a victim, let me open my heart in compassion and forgiveness towards those who harm me. And keep me ever mindful of those that I am in a position to victimize, that I may be aware of any suffering I cause and be called to recognize and redress it. Amen.

The Way of Insight

Proverbs 9:6 Lay aside immaturity, and live, and walk in the way of insight.

This was read in church last Sunday and it really hit me: all the things I love to do, that call to me, that fill me and sustain me involve insight. As both a therapist and a consumer of therapy, insight is central to the process, discovering who I am in all the various situations I find myself in, and addressing the choices I make. In the arts, I discover insight into the human condition, into the life we live now, into the effects of cultural ideas on how we see ourselves. My spiritual practices, the prayer and contemplation, the writing (which for me is both creative and spiritual) get me to slow down and reflect, create space through silence and stillness that allows the truth to emerge from the chaos of my mind. What is confession, after all, but sharing acts of estrangement, the ways I behave that are counter to my intentions, the clarity of all my shortcomings and misdirections? Insight is seeing clearly the truth of who I am, and my place in the world of creation, and of people. It's a pulling together, an integration of all the different parts of me, the conflicting emotions, the contradictory desires and garbled intentions. It's a unification and focus of my spirit, light poured out on the path in front of me, and a making sense of all of that, a certain kind of understanding. It's a recognition that the things I think aren't necessarily the truth, that my mind lies to me; emotions are fleeting, and even a day which feels satisfying, filled and productive can be followed by one that makes me feel that my life is falling apart, I can't do anything right and I'm a totally lost soul. Even this attempt to tap into the order, to make my way back to that path, to come up out of the inchoate wilderness I seem to be caught up in, has tested me -- I had written the whole thing out, lost my internet connection, and came back on line to find all of it gone! So I am starting over. This is exactly what my life has felt like lately: all my efforts coming to naught. So I am attempting to retrieve the flashes of, yes, insight into what is going on with me right now by painstakingly reminding myself of the process I just went through and what I learned.

A little further on from this verse, we come upon a more famous one, "The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight." (9:10) This suggested to me that insight also had something to do with perspective, with seeing myself rightly within the whole expanse of what is. Not all religions talk about God, but they all address our place in the created universe and in our relationships with ourselves, with other human beings and whatever it is that gives us life. Seeing that perspective rightly requires that we come to terms with our human limitations, as well as the limitations of those around us. Sometimes we don't know what to do, we don't know where to turn. Confusion results, which can quickly spiral into fear and the conviction that something is wrong, and pretty soon I can't see anything good in my life or my horizon, all is lost. When I come to my spiritual director in this state of mind, he is fond of saying that I am one of those who really needs contemplation to sustain me. When I was in college, there was a particular creative process that I realized I couldn't live without; it filled me and sustained me and gave me life. Though the creative expression has shifted, I am continually reminded that it's still true that I need some sort of creative expression to help me make sense of it all; these days, I most often express that in writing of various kinds, like this. The quiet and stillness of contemplative prayer (meditation) is also surprisingly sustaining, and seems to clear away all the clutter in my mind that gets in the way of clarity of thinking. And let us not ignore the rest that comes this way. I know one of the things that I am struggling with (always do, it seems) is overscheduling, and not always getting my full Sabbath rest. To really give myself over to rest for one day a week, to recognize that life will go on without me, even those who look to me for support and guidance can do fine on their own for one day, relieves me of such a burden that I have in the past wakened the next morning raring to go. Slowly, but insidiously, however, activity and meetings and social life intrude; even reading can become an attempt to accomplish something! Then I have to remind myself what Sabbath is for, what it is all about, so that I can use it as a process of restoration.

The thing is, this process here, and others like it in my life, are always available, yet I don't always utilize them. I get stuck in the feelings, or the convictions, that sense of hopelessness and uselessness, and to counteract that get caught up in notions of achievement, accomplishment, as if that will provide what I am lacking. I am a tired child who keeps yelling, "I'm not tired!!!" and wanting to do that one more thing which will make me complete, not realizing that the one thing is no-thing but a cessation from doing, true rest. When I access the process, when I engage in my practices of spirituality, creativity and psychotherapeutic understanding, it all comes together and the light goes on. Spirituality connects me to that larger Self I call God, and gives me perspective on my true place of humility and flawedness; creativity integrates all the pieces into one flow of focus and clarity, shining the light on whatever that next step is; psychotherapeutic understanding helps me look at my choices and their effects, so that I can make the choices that really support me in my life. Yes, it takes time, and it doesn't always look like much, but the fruit is that I come back to the human being I am, find myself able to meet the challenges ahead of me, and experience myself more and more as the fullness of all that God intends for my life.

I think I need a vacation.

Prayer: Dear God, I know that you are always there, waiting, and that the practices I treasure lead me unfailingly to some sense of your Presence. Despite that knowing, I persist in doing things that don't work, trying to fill in the holes in my spirit with bread that does not satisfy. Forgive me my stubbornness, help me correct these faults of inattention and misattention, and remind me that You are the core of all I do and who I am. Amen.

The Lord gave me my tongue

Ecclesiasticus 51:21-22 My heart was stirred to seek her; therefore I have gained a prize possession. The Lord gave me my tongue as a reward, and I will praise him with it.

The "her" referred to is Wisdom, personified in Hebrew scriptures and often called Sophia. It is the fruit of a spirit-filled life. I'm sure we've all heard, "The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom", but the word doesn't really imply being afraid of God, but rather, feeling awe before God, the recognition of our own insignificance before the Source of All. Humility is a huge piece of it, and perhaps it is that recognition of our own humility which opens us up to see, hear and understand true wisdom. That has certainly been my journey. Though I don't claim wisdom in myself, I do experience this process as a bowing down before the superior wisdom of scripture, and when I humble myself before it, putting aside my own ideas, and listening and waiting for the voice of the spirit, I am rewarded with new insights, perspectives on life that I wouldn't come to on my own. In that waiting and watching, in that bowing down and receiving, in that pausing and reflecting, Wisdom, in a sense, arises. Or at least I hope she does.

So I have searched and sometimes found, and God has given me a tongue. When I saw that, I immediately thought of this blog, and how it has given me a way to express what I have come to understand about life and God and the mystery in and around us all. That is what Jesus Son of Sirach is doing in his book, Ecclesiasticus: trying to pass on what he has learned, hoping that others will benefit from it. It has been difficult, lately, to read with fresh eyes, to bring renewed energy to this work, but this reading has reminded me of my purpose in speaking in this way. I am reminded that I am called to this as a sacred art, and I must persevere even through times without inspiration. I do feel a slackening of energy in all parts of my life, and partly, I suppose, I just need a vacation (which is coming up September 1 - 15!), a real prolonged rest. But this reminder has renewed at least a sense of purpose in what I am doing, and I find myself reinvigorated even as I slog through what feels like a stagnant time.

Prayer: Dear God, I don't know why I am experiencing this time of dullness and lack of energy or inspiration, but I know that you are here with me, if I will but look for you and open my heart to your presence. Help me to follow through on my commitments even when I don't feel like it. Give me the opportunity to rest and restore my soul, so that I can continue my path renewed in vigor and excitement. Amen

Every need in its time

Ecclesiasticus 39:33 All the works of the Lord are good and he will supply every need in its time.

I have trouble with "in its time" sometimes. I am feeling impatient and anxious waiting to receive confirmation on something I want very much, but it is out of my control and there is nothing I can do about it! That doesn't stop me ruminating on a pretty regular basis, using incantations, anything I can think of to bring this to the conclusion that I want. But none of that actually helps. So daily, hourly even, I have to surrender it to God knowing it is out of my hands. My tendency is to keep it in my mind as if I could get the people in charge to take the action I want just by thinking about it. I don't know, I suppose it's possible some people have the ability to have an effect in that way, but I do know I don't. So I pray, starting off with surrender but usually quickly morphing into a petitionary, "oh, please, oh please, oh please", as if my assumption is if I pray about this enough I can make it happen, which is really some notion that God will do my bidding if I just ask often enough. However, if I can summon God the way Harry Potter the wizard can summon spirits, then it isn't God at all, but some creature of my own imagination. Prayer like that is just another version of superstition, using incantations or lucky charms, what have you. I remember a ditty from my childhood, "Step on a crack and break your mother's back", and how I would avoid cracks all the way home. Aside from the ghoulishness of this, it's kid stuff. This is how children think of God, sort of a heavenly ATM.

In an adult world, we recognize where we have control -- over my behaviors and attitudes -- and where I don't, which is pretty much everything else (people, places, things and events). We know that God is not just there to provide us with what we want at any given time. God is mystery; God is the ground of being beyond all our longings for the material; God is the source of longing, for ultimately all longing is about the longing to experience God eternally present, which is at best glimpsed on occasion, unless you are a tried and true mystic. Dealing with mystery, surrender really means giving it up, really giving it up completely, and making peace with whatever the outcome is, knowing God will be present no matter what happens. I have a friend who recently went into a serious operation. Beforehand, the doctor said, "I wish I could tell you you're going to be all right." He meant, physically healed. But my friend said, "I am going to be all right." Later she told me, "He doesn't get it, he doesn't realize that no matter what happens I'll be all right, because God will be with me." That's surrender, knowing in peace that whatever happens, it will be all right. As Julian of Norwich repeated almost as a mantra: And all will be well, and all will be well, and all manner of things will be well.

Prayer: Dear God, You know my longing for this event, how much I want it and pray for it to happen -- like the persistent widow. Help me remember that I have done all I can, and that all that is left is to give the result to you, truly surrender the outcome in trust, faith and love. Amen.

Pay no attention

Ecclesiasticus 34:5-6 Divinations and omens and dreams are unreal, and like a woman in labor, the mind has fantasies. Unless they are sent by intervention from the Most High, pay no attention to them.

Ay, there's the rub. Don't pay attention to your dreams, unless, that is, they are sent from God. But how do you know? How do you know what is coming from God and what is coming from your own ego? Or is just mindless chatter? Some of the accounts in the Bible suggest that some of the prophets and followers of God written about actually heard a voice from outside of themselves. There are many stories about the voice of God breaking through and confirming Jesus' sonship. I don't know about you, but I've never heard the voice of God that way, and I'm not sure I know anyone else who has either. And yet, I do believe I discern something of the way God is calling me to live, the direction God is asking me to go. So how does one do that? How does one listen for the voice of God and how do you know God is speaking to you?

Elijah discovers, in his cave, that the voice of God is not in the wind, nor the earthquake, nor the fire, but in the sound of "sheer silence" -- other translations say "a still, small voice." So, the first clue is to be still, to sit in stillness and let the stillness speak. All the contemplative practices are designed to help us discern the call of the Spirit through the clutter of our minds and the cacophony of our daily lives, but one must take the time to quiet down, to allow one's awareness to sift through all the other voices in our heads -- the voices of family and friends, the voices of the culture, and the voices of our own ego, which usually runs by a totally different set of values than our soul does. Self-preservation is the ego's primary goal. All of those things muddy the waters, but a contemplative practice like lexio divina (which is similar to what I do in these meditations), contemplative prayer, also called centering prayer or meditation, writing a sacred icon, and there are many others. In fact, almost any activity can become a contemplative practice if you approach it with awareness and a slow quiet attention. Brother Lawrence, who wrote "Practicing the Presence of God" regularly speaks of washing dishes as a contemplative experience.

Once we've slowed down, sifted through the layers of ego and the other voices competing for attention in our minds, and entered into a state of quiet inner stillness, then sometimes we can hear the voice of God. Maybe it's a voice, or maybe it's a word, or maybe it's even an image, but that is the place where we can be touched. And even then, can we really be sure? How can we really know? Thomas Merton expresses it beautifully in a well known prayer that he wrote:

My Lord God,

I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.

Nor do I really know myself, and the fact
that I think that I am following your will
does not mean that I am actually doing so.

But I believe that the desire to please you
does in fact please you.

And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.

I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.

And I know that if I do this you will lead me
through the right road though I may know
nothing about it.

Therefore, I will trust you always though I may
seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.

I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you
will never leave me to face my peril alone.

Prayer: Dear God, As I struggle to discern the path before me, help me to stay focused on my desire to please you and to do your will. Help me to trust in your divine guidance even in the midst of confusion and uncertainty. Amen.

Lion's teeth

Ecclesiasticus 21:2 Flee from sins as from a snake; for if you approach sin, it will bite you. It's teeth are lion's teeth, and can destroy human lives.

I love the way sin is compared here to a wild animal. In Biblical times, people had a healthy respect for wild animals, but you here more and more stories these days about people who have tried to befriend them, insisting that things are safe, only to end up paying dearly for it. I've heard stories about alligators, lions and tigers, and then there's "Grizzly Man" who spent summers roaming with the bears in Alaska. A documentary was made about him after he was killed by a bear. People forget these are wild animals, and that it only takes one bad event to lose a limb or your life.

I think a lot of people look on this notion of sin as just taking the fun out of life, as the idea that everything that's fun is wrong, and keeping away from "sin" ruins the enjoyment life offers. Sin, in my book, is whatever dislodges God from center stage, and the reason we are warned away from such things is the potential they carry to destroy lives, just like wild animals can do. The change happens when you think you can control the animals -- or the behavior -- and find that instead, it is controlling you. Take the example of using alcohol or drugs. Many people can do these things responsibly, but others fall into an abyss that often takes their families with them. The problem for young people is they don't know yet which category they belong to, and probably won't know that they've slipped into the destructive category until a lot of damage has already been done. It's like people playing with wild animals, not realizing the power the animal possesses to harm them. The sin, whatever behavior is involved, has moved from being the sideline in my life to the main event, without my even noticing or really being aware. Sometimes great efforts are expended, as in the case of drugs or alcohol, to get the person to realize how much the behavior is affecting the family and others close to him or her. That may prompt a change of direction, a repentance which literally means turning around, or the behavior may continue unabated leaving more destruction in its wake.

So what is the temptation in my life, the behavior, the sin that could threaten the role of God as central to my life? I suspect for me it's pride, the sense of self-sufficiency that says, "I can handle this, I can figure it out myself," until I find myself in over my head having lost that connection to God as the source, the one in charge of my life, and I find myself scrambling to regain it. Better for me to recognize my need of God on a daily basis through the nurturing of practices such as this one.

Prayer: Dear God, I thank you for this practice and how it keeps me connected to my need for you, your role as my guiding star. Help me nurture that connection by laying before you all the circumstances of my life, asking for your love and guidance. Amen.

Turn back to the Lord

Ecclesiasticus 17:25 Turn back to the Lord and forsake your sins; pray in his presence and lessen your offense.

When I read this verse, it really resonated, but I wasn't sure at first why. What sins did I need to forsake? And then I realized that I have been mulling over the past, mistakes that I made in my life before coming back to my faith -- somehow whatever mistakes I have made since that time I don't regret because of my conviction that walking with God I am on the right path -- and finding myself awash in regrets that I thought I had resolved. As I thought about it, I wondered, "How is that sin?" I knew I didn't like it or the feelings it brought up; I feel stupid and helpless and sad and judgmental and critical. And then I realized that I was indulging in an exercise of self-sabotage as in, "Oh, my mistake was really bad, because it kept me from achieving this other thing, and thwarted my destiny," and on and on; it's an endless loop of self reproach that preoccupies my mind and stops me from focusing on God and appreciating all the blessings that God has bestowed on me in this life. It short circuits gratitude and fills me up with a certain kind of self-importance. "I should have known better! I should have done it right! I should be able to avoid mistakes, unlike everyone else in the world." That's pride. We all know that pride is one of the seven deadlies. I have also come to believe that it is my particular bugaboo.

Today this was reinforced as I sat in on a conversation with some people who could have given up after their mistakes, but instead are reclaiming their lives. Who am I to complain when I have been the unworthy recipient of so much privilege? Verse 30 says "For not everything is within human capability." Like perfection. Only God is perfect. These "mistakes" are part of who I am as a flawed human being, they are part of the circumstances that have brought me to where I am today, those that led directly to my reaching out to God, reconnecting with my faith and bringing me on this wonderful journey that I am on. When I dwell on the past, which cannot be changed in this material world of three dimensions, it eclipses the joy and satisfaction I have found in the present, challenges my faith and gets me doubting my purpose, and that means doubting the very path God is calling me to. Only by restoring God as the central focus of my thoughts, can I regain the sense of joy and peace that are the fruits of my spiritual path.

Prayer: Dear God, I am troubled again by the voices of the past, drawn into practices of doubt, regret, comparison and self-judgment. Let me focus my thoughts on You; call me back into Your Grace so that I may know the purpose You have set for me. Let me trust Your infinite wisdom to guide me on my path. Amen.

He is not given a hearing

Ecclesiasticus 13:22 If the rich person slips, many come to the rescue; he speaks unseemly words, but they justify him. If the humble person slips, they even criticize him; he talks sense, but is not given a hearing.

How often do we hold different standards for different groups of people? When the privileged and powerful commit acts of betrayal, corruption or immorality, there is often a wave of sympathy for that person, and their acts are contextualized and balanced by other acts that are viewed as more moral and full of integrity. But when poor people, or other marginalized groups, commit similar acts it is often taken as emblematic of the whole group, and no one comes to their defense. Think "welfare queens" vs. kings of industry who commit fraud. Yes, Bernie Madoff got a very long, well deserved sentence, but that is not true of everyone of his ilk that commits such crimes. And very few receive the kind of vitriolic hatred that has been wreaked upon those at the bottom of the ladder who are actually hurting far fewer people. I don't excuse fraud wherever it shows up, but what happened to mercy and justice extended to the least of these?

Here's another example. When the massacre at Columbine happened, it was taken as a symptom of something going terribly wrong with our youth. But when a 55 year old white man slaughters innocent children, or shoots up the post office, no one wonders what is going wrong with middle aged white men; he is seen as an aberration, someone mentally ill deserving our pity more than our censure. Our political parties are apt to behave this way, also. Adultery is worse when it's committed by someone of the other political party; people call for solutions they are not ready to take themselves when they fall into the same behavior.

What is the point? Jesus told us to forgive, up to 70 times 7 times. The prophets call us to extend mercy and justice to all of those in our society, especially those at the margins. It is easy to get carried away by our emotions, and to have different responses to the same behavior in someone we know, love or feel akin to than to someone who feels "different" from us in some substantial way. Bias grows out of the specificities of our lives; none of us can escape it. But if we are aware of our own context, and how it may color our reactions, we can stretch ourselves to see beyond our biases, and extend the same understanding and justice to those unlike ourselves, as we do to those who feel familiar. Bias is not the problem, but our lack of awareness of our bias which can than trip us up without our knowing it. Like a bunch of white men who are convinced of their own objectivity interviewing a Latina supreme court nominee about her supposed "racism."

Prayer: Dear God, I know that I am host to many biases and wrong judgments about others. Let me see others with Your eyes, eyes that can hold people to account for their actions, and yet extend mercy to those who see the nature of their own wrongdoing. Amen.

As Lovers of Learning

Ecclesiasticus: The Prologue Now, those who read the scriptures must not only themselves understand them, but must also as lovers of learning be able through the spoken and written word to help the outsiders.

It struck me as I read this that this is one of the main purposes of this blog! This book, known as Ecclesiasticus or the Wisdom of Jesus Son of Sirach, is one of the group that we Protestants call the Apocryphal books, books that are not a part of the official canon of the church, but are nevertheless considered important as part of a larger understanding of scripture. It is full of daily wisdom. The Prologue was written by Jesus of Sirach's grandson, and gives some background to the writer, and includes the above statement as a kind of purpose for the writings. Not meant to be read straight through, it is meant as a guide for teaching how to live according to the Jewish law.

It seemed like an appropriate time for me to share where I have discovered whatever knowledge I have concerning the Biblical Scriptures. It has been primarily through a 4 year class at my Church called EfM -- Education for Ministry. A distance learning course through the Seminary at the University of the South in Sewanee, TN, it was originally intended for those seminarians who could not relocate and go to a residential seminary, but has been primarily utilized for lay people wanting to learn more about their tradition. The first year focuses on the Hebrew scriptures, what we Christians call the Old Testament; the second focuses on the New Testament. The third and fourth years trace both the history of the church and the development of its theology from the first century after Christ's crucifixion to the present day. What a fascinating journey it is, too! Four of us who have been in this class together across the whole four year span recently "graduated". The diocese held a wonderful ceremony for all of us, and we got a very impressive certificate from Sewanee that would be proud next to any other diploma you could find. It has been a fascinating journey, the end result bringing not so much an answer to my questions, as a whole different set of questions and an enormous set of books and theologians to explore in more detail. And my study enriches my reading of scripture every day, opens it up more fully and sharpens the message as it calls me to dig deeper, below the surface.

Prayer: Dear God, You have gifted me with such human knowledge of Your Holy Scripture as is available to me. Help me use that gift to open the Mystery of Your Presence to others, so they may know Your Saving Grace and Divine Peace. Amen.

Have it firsthand

Job 42:5 I admit I once lived by rumors of you, now I have it firsthand -- from my own eyes and ears.

What answers all of Job's complaints, dissipates his anger and finally shuts him up is the direct experience of the Presence of God. All the time that he had lived before his trials as a good man, a righteous man, he was following the rules, but he never experienced God's presence,so it was all at some remove, all as if by rote. Now he sees and hears, he knows God, doesn't just know about God. And that makes all the difference. In Getting Involoved With God, Old Testament scholar Ellen Davis points out the transformation that Job has gone through by noting the differences in how he is presented as a father. In the last paragraph of the book, which one could easily skim past without taking much notice, she points out two unusual things. One, though none of Job's sons are named, his three daughters are, and the names are wild and fanciful. Two, he leaves his daughters an inheritance along with his sons. These are acts almost of recklessness in a highly patriarchal culture, certainly against the norm and against the grain for the "respectable" culture of his day. Just the fact of having children, having lost all his previous children in one terrible accident, demonstrates Job's new willingness to live with risk. As Professor Davis puts it, "Job, this man of integrity who was once so careful, fearful of God and of the posssible sins of his children, becomes at the last freewheeling, breaking with custom to honor daughters alongside sons, bestowing inheritances and snappy names. The inspiration and model for this wild style of parenting is, of course, God the Creator. Job learned about it when God spoke out of the whirlwind." Only the transformative experience of meeting the Presence, the Ultimate Mystery can account for this change in Job.

What about you? Do you live by rumors of God or by direct knowledge? Do you know about God, or do you know God? Prayer and other contemplative practices are all about being in the Presence of God, of experiencing firsthand something of God's power in our lives. This is what has made a difference in my life, has given me the experience of carrying God's peace within me, sometimes at the most difficult of times in my life. This is what transforms, gives me power to endure, even to thrive, in the face of difficulty, which inspires me to write this blog so that others might get some sense of what God's Presence might do in their lives. It's not about being perfect, or being protected from every danger, like some superstitious amulet that's supposed to ward off evil. No, it's about having the power and the presence and the fortitude to wade through the most difficult times we face without being taken over by them; it's about finding our own definition of who we are through God's grace, rather than as the victim of our circumstances; it's about resilience in the face of calamity, like the resilience of Job, who is able to start again after all he had been through, to have more children in the face of terrible loss, to risk it all for love. It is loving in the face of risk, enduring in the face of disaster, thriving in the midst of destruction that are the fruits of an active, yearned for connection with God, the true God, the Creator, the Whatever It Is that sustains us in the face of all we go through, that brought us into being and draws us to Itself through all of our days, our Alpha and Omega, our beginning and end, our Creator, Redeemer, Sustainer, our God, our loving, merciful God.

Prayer: Dear God, I am awed by Your Presence and Majesty. Help me to risk it all as I follow Your path, to offer it all to You that You may lead me to the deepest fulfillment of my soul. Amen.

Where were you?

Job: 38:4 Where were you when I created the earth?

We have heard Job's complaints, and his friends harangues; now, finally, God speaks in answer. And what a question! Where was he, indeed? Where were any of us? Not anywhere close, is the answer. Apparently, even our physics and mathematical calculations completely breakdown as we get close to what has come to be known as "The Big Bang". I will never forget reading in a book called Wrinkles in Time about the discovery of cosmic radiation, which is some of the data that supports the idea of the Big Bang, that we could not say anything about the beginning itself, only at a ten-millionth of a trillionth of a trillionth of a trillionth of a second later, that is 10 to the minus 42nd power. That is a time frame utterly beyond anything I can imagine; it is a number which has no actual or practical meaning to me, only a mathematical one. And the author had the temerity to say that the moment thus described was the first moment about which we could sensibly talk. Such a time frame is the farthest thing from sensible, in my book!

I guess the point is, whatever that beginning was, however we like to think we know something about it, it is utterly beyond our experience or capabilities. I have been told that even the first sentence in Genesis actually begins in the middle! So, even the Bible doesn't dare to say anything about that first moment, whatever it was. Contemplating such ideas, whether through theology or science, is one of the ways that I sometimes get a hint, just a glimpse of the immensity of God, of how far beyond my comprehension, or any possibility of knowing, God is. The paradox is that at the same time, God is as close as my breath; some would even say that God is my breath. It's like putting the enormity of the universe as we know it against the utter tininess of that fraction of a second I described above. What is it that can encompass such extremes? Only God. God -- incomprehensible, beyond all knowledge and thought, yet as intimate as my skin, utterly transcendent and immanent at the same time. And in the face of that, like Job, I have to shut my mouth and fall down in awe.

Prayer: Dear God, I thank you for the marvelous and amazing discoveries of science, which give me some hints at the wonder of Your Creation. Help me to understand that even as I study to know You more, full knowledge is always out of reach, and to bow before The Mystery. Amen.

Exploiting the Unfortunate

Job 24:3 They rip off the poor and exploit the unfortunate

I had supper the other day with a friend who is housing an Iranian woman who is applying for asylum in the United States. This woman joined us, and she was gracious and intelligent, serious and eager to learn. After only about 9 months here she spoke English better than I speak any foreign language, even after years of study, and was unafraid to ask when she didn't understand a word or a question. She is working as a nanny for a family with 3 boys under 4, and my friend had offered her a bedroom for the week-ends so she could gain some power in her work situation, by having some place else to go. My friend spoke with passion about her embarrassment for her country in how this woman had been exploited at every turn. I don't know the details of her situation, but clearly something terrible had required her to abandon everything, including grown children, to seek safety on our shores.

What is it that makes people feel they can take advantage of people who are in vulnerable positions, rather than feeling called to support and protect them? I know women who are normally fair-minded and yet expect their child's caretaker to work endlessly, be ever at their beck and call, foregoing time off to serve their needs. I remember a friend whose nanny couldn't show up one day because her own child was sick, which meant my friend had to scramble to deal with her own work situation. She actually, honestly asked me if she shouldn't fire this woman because she hadn't shown up for work. Yet, she would have been incensed if someone from her job had suggested that she be fired for missing work because of an ill child! Perhaps it's just easier to see when we ourselves are being exploited, and it's not so clear when those who are more vulnerable than we are are being exploited through our own actions.

I've focused on women in my examples, but I know there are equally many examples in men's lives. The point is that scripture is clear that we are to protect the vulnerable, take care of the "widows and orphans" as the prophets say, which stands in for all the vulnerable people in a society. I know that I try to be fair and open in my dealings with others, particularly those who provide various services for me, and it's often a balancing act of feeling that my kindness is being exploited, vs. exploiting the other for whatever their vulnerabilities may be. Can I examine all my dealings with others and be sure that I am not exploiting anyone? Maybe not, but I can ask God to help me live out the intentions of my faith, which is to deal with everyone in a respectful, fair-minded way.

Prayer: Dear God, I pray for those who may be exploited as a result of my actions, and ask your forgiveness. Moreover, I pray for Your Spirit to guide me, to open my eyes to the ways I exploit others and lead me in alternate paths, so that everyone I touch can feel the warmth of Your Love and Care. Amen.