A little mercy

Tobit 6:2 and the dog came out with him and went along with them.

In my quest to read the Bible approximately in the order that scholars say the books were written, I am including books that in my tradition we call the "Apocrypha". They are books considered sacred and canonical by the Jewish and Catholic traditions, but not my own. In the process, I have stumbled on the delightful book of Tobit, which is a story about righteous people encountering adversity; because they continue walking in God's ways, their difficulties are overcome. Tobit's son Tobias is heading off on a journey, and this charming detail is included. The dog went with him, presumably to keep him company in the way only dogs can. I don't know if we ever hear of the dog again, but here he is at the beginning of the journey, a small grace, a little mercy.

I have been going through a period of challenge. It's nothing big, no catastrophes or anything, but after a period where everything seemed to fall into place, it seems there is one little irritation, frustration, problem after another. If I believed in astrology, I'd say my planets were in retrograde. And I have been challenged to stay present without lapsing into depression or anxiety. So, there I am, yesterday, after a very busy day with some new challenges, arriving early for my dentist appointment. This means I have time to meditate, and I enter the parking lot which tells me I can post three hours in the meters, which are active 24 hours a day. So I pull into a spot, figure I'll need 2+ hours, get my quarters ready and proceed to empty them into the meter. Then two quarters in a row don't advance the meter past an hour. Huh? I look down the row up and down, and at the very end, I see a sign obscured by branches that says "1 Hour Parking" for the row that I am in. So, I've used up 2 quarters that won't buy me time, AND I'm going to have to move to another spot after my meditation/prayer, and use a bunch more quarters, even though my time here won't be up. "Shit!" I say aloud in my frustration. First, some nice gentleman in the next row asks if I need quarters, but I tell him, no, I just didn't realize this spot was only 1 Hour Parking.

OK. Time to sit in silence in my car. I am all stirred up with my frustration, and I start my meditation agitated. Then I draw on the wisdom of Centering Prayer. Just be present, I say to myself. Accept this. It's quarters, it's nothing, just accept that it happened, and be present. Accept that I am frustrated, that I can't accept this at this moment. Accept that this stuff happens. Accept that I made a mistake. I think this is the hardest piece. I should have looked more carefully, I should have seen that sign -- and this is coupled with self-justification: they should have made the sign clearer and less obscure, they should have let you know right at the beginning of the line, the implication being it's their fault!

And then it occurred to me. I have been coming through a time where I have felt God's grace everywhere. I have been in a place of trusting the next step, not over-worrying or over-managing, but knowing that I would be ready for whatever I had signed up for. With all my juggling, things seemed to fall into place. And each time something like that happened, it confirmed my sense that I was walking in faith with God. But who says that I am only walking in faith when things go well, when they turn out right effortlessly? Where does this idea come from (and keep coming back from) that life should be free of frustration and difficulty? That a walk with faith gives you some kind of free pass for the kind of daily "small stuff" nonsense that is just part of being a human being? So, I thought, that's it, I am walking in faith, in faith even when it's not so visible, even when I feel like I am running up against obstacles (small ones to be sure) at every turn. With that idea came lightness and freedom, and I passed the rest of my meditation in peace and acceptance.

So, when I finished my meditation, I again gathered up my quarters, pulled out into the lane and moved to another space, one with a 3 hour window. And as I parked my car, and looked at the meter I saw: it had 2 hours and 5 minutes on it, more than enough for my dentist appointment. And my heart was filled with thanks and peace. A little grace that turned my day around, a little reminder that God's presence is everywhere we look. Just like Tobias's little dog who runs out to be with him.

Prayer: Dear God, My mind knows that You are with me wherever I go, whatever I do, whatever is happening, no matter how far away You may feel. Open the eyes of my heart that I may see You in all things, challenges as well as strengths, difficulties as well as times when life goes smoothly, so that I may draw on the power of Your Presence, and walk with You in faith no matter what life brings. Amen.