Acted out of who I was

Ezekiel 20:22 But I thought better of it and acted out of who I was, not by what I felt, so that I might be honored and not blasphemed by the nations who had seen me bring them out.

God is speaking to Ezekiel about his anger at the Israelites as they wandered in the desert after God had rescued them from Egypt. Despite God's anger, God acted not out of how he felt, but who he WAS. What a startling statement! Who I am is not how I feel. If you had said that to me when I was in my 20's, I would have thought you were crazy. How I felt then practically defined who I was: I am a person who feels. That's from coming from a household, like those of many of my generation whose "greatest generation" parents were also the "stoical" generation, where feelings were not usually expressed, much less discussed.

As I've gotten older, though, I have begun to see that feelings fluctuate; they move and rattle and cascade; they take us up and down and all around the glorious roller coaster of life. So they are part of me, but they are not who I am. Who I am is expressed in my intentions; whose I am is expressed when those intentions follow the teachings of Jesus: to love God and love my neighbor. When I act out of anger, or revenge, or fear, I am acting out of a momentary passion that does not accurately demonstrate my foundation. And the results are often actions which I regret, because they don't proclaim the person Jesus calls me to be. Maybe this is why when people get angry, they often say, "I forgot myself". They really did! Jesus calls me to act lovingly even when I am angry, to be kind even when I am afraid, to be considerate even when my feelings cry out for revenge. It is those intentions that I am called to live out, and which endure past and through the momentary fluctuations of emotions.

Prayer: Dear God, Help me remember who I am and whose I am, even when my emotions run strong, so that I may live out the life of love you call me to. Amen