Esther 3:8 Haman then spoke with King Xerxes: "There is an odd set of people scattered through the provinces of your kingdom who don't fit in. Their customs and ways are different from everybody else."
I have been gone a long time! I was away for two weeks, and somehow since my return, I have been running around like a crazy person! Creating some more space in my life is a priority.
Here we are in the book of Esther, about a young woman who because of her beauty is elevated to be Queen of the empire, and from that position is able to intervene and save her people. Haman is the King's second in command, and this verse is a prologue to his suggestion that the King issue a decree that will set off a genocide. Hitler began his assault on the Jews similarly, by talking about their difference, and planting the idea of their opposition to the state, and the larger German nation. The genocide that Haman has planned, however, is more like what happened in Rwanda: the decree will give permission and encouragement for the people to rise up and kill the Jews in their midst, in hand to hand combat: mob violence. And he begins with this idea of difference, of a people that "don't fit in", that have customs and practices that are "different from everybody else".
There are two assumptions here that Haman builds on to make his case for the need to kill these people off. The first is that "we" are all alike, or at least more alike than we are to "them". But all you have to do is look at a family to see that people are very different from one another, even when they claim the same religion, follow the same customs, rely on the same traditions. Look at Cain and Abel: one was a shepherd, one was a farmer, and those differences led to murder, despite the fact that they were in the same family. Our differences reflect our uniqueness, and they can't be eliminated. And the differences between individuals, the variability of individual expression within groups is probably greater than the differences that exist between groups, when you look at them as a whole. This is true whether you look at religious groups, ethnic and cultural groups, or even men and women.
The second assumption which is vital to Haman's plan is the idea that "difference" is a problem, that difference is the reason we "can't all get along", as Rodney King so famously intoned. People often think that couples should have a lot in common, that the less difference there is between them, the better they will get along and the more successful they will be. Let's just ignore the fact that historically, men and women had completely different spheres of work and that didn't necessarily mean a bad partnership, if we look back at the time when marriage was primarily for economic reasons. Even today, with marriages built primarily on ideas of love and emotional connection, research tells us that it is not what couples have in common that makes for long-lasting partnerships; rather it is how they deal with their differences, how they talk across those differences that determine their success. Do they respect each other, treat these differences with courtesy, acceptance and understanding? Are they curious about what makes them different from one another, willing to see the other's differences as something that expands their life -- a "both-and" position -- or are they caught up in an "either-or" stance, a competition where one of them has to win? Acceptance and courtesy can sustain a couple with enormous "differences"; even small differences, if treated with contempt and scorn, will likely lead to the end of the relationship.
So this idea of difference doesn't have to be threatening, but it is still often used to stir up hatred and fear of "the other", those whose external differences may be more pronounced and visible. It's easy to forget, when someone dresses very differently, or has different customs, or just looks physically different, that we still share our human experience. As Shylock said, "If you cut me, do I not bleed?" (I paraphrase). We all share the human experiences of joy and suffering, pleasure and pain, of love for our children and families, and fear of the unknown. These common challenges of living are far more powerful, if we can tap into them, than the differences of culture and behavior that sometimes seem so insurmountable.
Prayer: Dear God, You taught us to pray, "Our Father". Help me see that all people are your children, and thus my brothers and sisters, no matter how different from me they may appear. Help me to see that common human connection, even when I may be turned off or frightened, so that I can honor it and open my heart to those who have been pushed aside because they don't "fit in". Amen.
Showing posts with label Acceptance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Acceptance. Show all posts
Friday, September 25, 2009
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Their ways are different
Esther 3:8 Haman then spoke with King Xerxes. "There is an odd set of people scattered through the provinces of your kingdom who don't fit in. Their customs and ways are different from everybody else."
These are the words that introduce a plan for genocide. This is what Hitler told Germany, although the proposed genocide is more like Rwanda than Hitler's final solution: the plan is that on a particular day the whole country will rise up and murder all the Jews they can find. It's actually sent out as a proclamation! There are two assumptions buried here, which form the faulty logic that provides the foundation for actions such as these. The first assumption is that "we" are all alike, or at least more alike than we are different from "them." You only have to look at families to see the falsity of that assumption. Totally monocultural families still often have differences in them that tear them apart. Think of wealthy families who come apart at the seams when a key person dies as they fight over the spoils. Look at the very beginnings of the human family, as the Bible describes it: the story of Cain and Abel. There was difference enough here to provide the basis for murder. We get into the same problem when we talk about sex differences. When we say things about large groups, it tends to emphasize differences between groups, and minimizes differences within groups, but there are probably more differences between individual men then there are differences between the large group called "men" and the large group called "women", and you could say the same about the female half of the species. Each of us is unique. That necessitates differences between each one of us, and you can't eliminate that without making us all the same. Uniqueness is the gift of our personalities and the particular array of qualities and abilities that make us who we are; it is embodied in our ego-consciousness. My friend Ron likes to say that ego, in this sense, is a gift of the spirit, but that it tends to get out of hand.
The second assumption, though, is even more fallacious, yet it is a belief that is probably widely held. That assumption is that it is "difference" that is the problem, the reason that we "can't get along" as Rodney King so famously intoned. Take couples. It is often assumed that the more you have in common -- i.e. the less difference between you -- that the better and stronger a foundation you have for the marriage. Current research shows, however, that it is not the amount of difference that matters; it is how the couple deals with their differences, how they talk across those differences, that makes a difference in whether they succeed or fail at establishing their relationship. Are they respectful and courteous with one another, or are they judgmental and critical? Are they available to their partner, or do they stonewall and withdraw? Does each partner need the other to share their perspective in order to feel validated? Or can we view each other with honor and respect, recognize what is different and still feel grounded in our own point of view?
These two assumptions are still used to stir up fear and hatred. People who are "different" must be wrong, otherwise I would be wrong and that thought is intolerable. So we find at the base of this whole issue is some level of uncertainty with who I am. Am I okay if no one agrees with me, or I do things differently? We are social creatures, it is natural to look to our interpersonal context to get a reflection of who we are, but if we, as children, get the respect we need for our differences, we can grow up confident even in a very diverse world. And the very basis of that acceptance and respect is the fact that each of us is a loved child of God, whether we know it or not. The prayer that Jesus gave us starts, "Our father" not "My father". I heard of a very interesting exercise on those two words. The attendees at a retreat were invited to go out and notice the people who felt most different, those that make us say "Thank God I'm not like them!", those that give us the willies. They were to look at those people and say these two words, "Our father" and remember that that person, that really out there human being, is my brother or sister. Those two words, lived out in faith and love, can do away with the fear and hatred that makes the idea of "difference" such a lightning rod for violence.
Prayer: Dear God, I know there are many of your children that I reject in my heart. I also know that You love them. I pray that through Christ my heart may expand as He continues His work in me, until I see all human beings as your children, no matter what their estate, their background, their color, their qualities, their religion or ideologies. Amen.
These are the words that introduce a plan for genocide. This is what Hitler told Germany, although the proposed genocide is more like Rwanda than Hitler's final solution: the plan is that on a particular day the whole country will rise up and murder all the Jews they can find. It's actually sent out as a proclamation! There are two assumptions buried here, which form the faulty logic that provides the foundation for actions such as these. The first assumption is that "we" are all alike, or at least more alike than we are different from "them." You only have to look at families to see the falsity of that assumption. Totally monocultural families still often have differences in them that tear them apart. Think of wealthy families who come apart at the seams when a key person dies as they fight over the spoils. Look at the very beginnings of the human family, as the Bible describes it: the story of Cain and Abel. There was difference enough here to provide the basis for murder. We get into the same problem when we talk about sex differences. When we say things about large groups, it tends to emphasize differences between groups, and minimizes differences within groups, but there are probably more differences between individual men then there are differences between the large group called "men" and the large group called "women", and you could say the same about the female half of the species. Each of us is unique. That necessitates differences between each one of us, and you can't eliminate that without making us all the same. Uniqueness is the gift of our personalities and the particular array of qualities and abilities that make us who we are; it is embodied in our ego-consciousness. My friend Ron likes to say that ego, in this sense, is a gift of the spirit, but that it tends to get out of hand.
The second assumption, though, is even more fallacious, yet it is a belief that is probably widely held. That assumption is that it is "difference" that is the problem, the reason that we "can't get along" as Rodney King so famously intoned. Take couples. It is often assumed that the more you have in common -- i.e. the less difference between you -- that the better and stronger a foundation you have for the marriage. Current research shows, however, that it is not the amount of difference that matters; it is how the couple deals with their differences, how they talk across those differences, that makes a difference in whether they succeed or fail at establishing their relationship. Are they respectful and courteous with one another, or are they judgmental and critical? Are they available to their partner, or do they stonewall and withdraw? Does each partner need the other to share their perspective in order to feel validated? Or can we view each other with honor and respect, recognize what is different and still feel grounded in our own point of view?
These two assumptions are still used to stir up fear and hatred. People who are "different" must be wrong, otherwise I would be wrong and that thought is intolerable. So we find at the base of this whole issue is some level of uncertainty with who I am. Am I okay if no one agrees with me, or I do things differently? We are social creatures, it is natural to look to our interpersonal context to get a reflection of who we are, but if we, as children, get the respect we need for our differences, we can grow up confident even in a very diverse world. And the very basis of that acceptance and respect is the fact that each of us is a loved child of God, whether we know it or not. The prayer that Jesus gave us starts, "Our father" not "My father". I heard of a very interesting exercise on those two words. The attendees at a retreat were invited to go out and notice the people who felt most different, those that make us say "Thank God I'm not like them!", those that give us the willies. They were to look at those people and say these two words, "Our father" and remember that that person, that really out there human being, is my brother or sister. Those two words, lived out in faith and love, can do away with the fear and hatred that makes the idea of "difference" such a lightning rod for violence.
Prayer: Dear God, I know there are many of your children that I reject in my heart. I also know that You love them. I pray that through Christ my heart may expand as He continues His work in me, until I see all human beings as your children, no matter what their estate, their background, their color, their qualities, their religion or ideologies. Amen.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Morning Pages
No scripture today, just an epiphany.
I have been feeling out of touch with the Spirit lately, so yesterday morning I had some time to sit quietly after my morning meditation and do some Bible reading, but it was flat, felt disconnected, no sense of the veil lifting for a peek at Mystery. Maybe it's because I am still in the middle of the Holiness Code in Numbers, which is a pretty sure cure for insomnia, but it felt like something else was in the way. So I utilized a tool which Julia Cameron writes about in The Artist's Way called "Morning Pages". This involves writing 3 or more pages first thing in the morning without thinking about it, just writing as fast as I can write whatever comes into my mind. This usually connects me with whatever is going on inside, whatever might be blocking me or keeping me stuck.
So I wrote some pages, and I connected with what was really going on for me in all its emotional messiness and unpleasantness. I am having feelings of stuckness and depression; of anger, mostly at myself for not handling things better; of hopelessness and despair; of self-loathing and judgment about my own inadequacies and failures; of enmeshment and feeling sucked back into the swamp: icky, yucky feelings that I hate feeling and will find about 100 ways to distract myself from. The thing is, by the time I was finished writing, I was feeling connected and engaged, galvanized is one word I used, energized, full of the Spirit, and then I can hear God's voice in the Silence, I can feel the urgings of the Spirit pushing me forward.
God meets me where I AM, but I have to be there, because that's where God dwells, in the moment as it truly is, not in the moment as I wish it were, or as I'm pretending it to be, as in, "I'm fine, everything's all right." A friend used the phrase "beside myself", and I never really saw it before in such a palpable way, but it really captures the essence of how I experienced that moment. If I am "beside myself" (or above or outside or whatever), I am not really connected to who and what I am IN THIS MOMENT. If I shut the door to the truth then I shut the door to God, too; God is still there, but I have closed off my access to God, shut God out when I cut myself off from what's really going on for me, that is, who I really am in any given moment. What's required is to stop and be, to remake those connections, to allow myself to experience the fullness of who I am including all the sticky, icky, unpleasant, vulnerable, shame-filled parts and places in me. If I do that, if I accept all that unpleasant and unhappy humanness of me, the surprising news is that's where I find God, where I perhaps might least expect it.
Prayer: Dear God, Thank you for the insight of your Divine Presence and for Your full acceptance of who I am. You accept me more than I accept myself! Help me stay connected to that flawed human side of me and to recognize it in others, so that I may touch them with Your love and acceptance as You have touched me. Amen.
I have been feeling out of touch with the Spirit lately, so yesterday morning I had some time to sit quietly after my morning meditation and do some Bible reading, but it was flat, felt disconnected, no sense of the veil lifting for a peek at Mystery. Maybe it's because I am still in the middle of the Holiness Code in Numbers, which is a pretty sure cure for insomnia, but it felt like something else was in the way. So I utilized a tool which Julia Cameron writes about in The Artist's Way called "Morning Pages". This involves writing 3 or more pages first thing in the morning without thinking about it, just writing as fast as I can write whatever comes into my mind. This usually connects me with whatever is going on inside, whatever might be blocking me or keeping me stuck.
So I wrote some pages, and I connected with what was really going on for me in all its emotional messiness and unpleasantness. I am having feelings of stuckness and depression; of anger, mostly at myself for not handling things better; of hopelessness and despair; of self-loathing and judgment about my own inadequacies and failures; of enmeshment and feeling sucked back into the swamp: icky, yucky feelings that I hate feeling and will find about 100 ways to distract myself from. The thing is, by the time I was finished writing, I was feeling connected and engaged, galvanized is one word I used, energized, full of the Spirit, and then I can hear God's voice in the Silence, I can feel the urgings of the Spirit pushing me forward.
God meets me where I AM, but I have to be there, because that's where God dwells, in the moment as it truly is, not in the moment as I wish it were, or as I'm pretending it to be, as in, "I'm fine, everything's all right." A friend used the phrase "beside myself", and I never really saw it before in such a palpable way, but it really captures the essence of how I experienced that moment. If I am "beside myself" (or above or outside or whatever), I am not really connected to who and what I am IN THIS MOMENT. If I shut the door to the truth then I shut the door to God, too; God is still there, but I have closed off my access to God, shut God out when I cut myself off from what's really going on for me, that is, who I really am in any given moment. What's required is to stop and be, to remake those connections, to allow myself to experience the fullness of who I am including all the sticky, icky, unpleasant, vulnerable, shame-filled parts and places in me. If I do that, if I accept all that unpleasant and unhappy humanness of me, the surprising news is that's where I find God, where I perhaps might least expect it.
Prayer: Dear God, Thank you for the insight of your Divine Presence and for Your full acceptance of who I am. You accept me more than I accept myself! Help me stay connected to that flawed human side of me and to recognize it in others, so that I may touch them with Your love and acceptance as You have touched me. Amen.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
A little mercy
Tobit 6:2 and the dog came out with him and went along with them.
In my quest to read the Bible approximately in the order that scholars say the books were written, I am including books that in my tradition we call the "Apocrypha". They are books considered sacred and canonical by the Jewish and Catholic traditions, but not my own. In the process, I have stumbled on the delightful book of Tobit, which is a story about righteous people encountering adversity; because they continue walking in God's ways, their difficulties are overcome. Tobit's son Tobias is heading off on a journey, and this charming detail is included. The dog went with him, presumably to keep him company in the way only dogs can. I don't know if we ever hear of the dog again, but here he is at the beginning of the journey, a small grace, a little mercy.
I have been going through a period of challenge. It's nothing big, no catastrophes or anything, but after a period where everything seemed to fall into place, it seems there is one little irritation, frustration, problem after another. If I believed in astrology, I'd say my planets were in retrograde. And I have been challenged to stay present without lapsing into depression or anxiety. So, there I am, yesterday, after a very busy day with some new challenges, arriving early for my dentist appointment. This means I have time to meditate, and I enter the parking lot which tells me I can post three hours in the meters, which are active 24 hours a day. So I pull into a spot, figure I'll need 2+ hours, get my quarters ready and proceed to empty them into the meter. Then two quarters in a row don't advance the meter past an hour. Huh? I look down the row up and down, and at the very end, I see a sign obscured by branches that says "1 Hour Parking" for the row that I am in. So, I've used up 2 quarters that won't buy me time, AND I'm going to have to move to another spot after my meditation/prayer, and use a bunch more quarters, even though my time here won't be up. "Shit!" I say aloud in my frustration. First, some nice gentleman in the next row asks if I need quarters, but I tell him, no, I just didn't realize this spot was only 1 Hour Parking.
OK. Time to sit in silence in my car. I am all stirred up with my frustration, and I start my meditation agitated. Then I draw on the wisdom of Centering Prayer. Just be present, I say to myself. Accept this. It's quarters, it's nothing, just accept that it happened, and be present. Accept that I am frustrated, that I can't accept this at this moment. Accept that this stuff happens. Accept that I made a mistake. I think this is the hardest piece. I should have looked more carefully, I should have seen that sign -- and this is coupled with self-justification: they should have made the sign clearer and less obscure, they should have let you know right at the beginning of the line, the implication being it's their fault!
And then it occurred to me. I have been coming through a time where I have felt God's grace everywhere. I have been in a place of trusting the next step, not over-worrying or over-managing, but knowing that I would be ready for whatever I had signed up for. With all my juggling, things seemed to fall into place. And each time something like that happened, it confirmed my sense that I was walking in faith with God. But who says that I am only walking in faith when things go well, when they turn out right effortlessly? Where does this idea come from (and keep coming back from) that life should be free of frustration and difficulty? That a walk with faith gives you some kind of free pass for the kind of daily "small stuff" nonsense that is just part of being a human being? So, I thought, that's it, I am walking in faith, in faith even when it's not so visible, even when I feel like I am running up against obstacles (small ones to be sure) at every turn. With that idea came lightness and freedom, and I passed the rest of my meditation in peace and acceptance.
So, when I finished my meditation, I again gathered up my quarters, pulled out into the lane and moved to another space, one with a 3 hour window. And as I parked my car, and looked at the meter I saw: it had 2 hours and 5 minutes on it, more than enough for my dentist appointment. And my heart was filled with thanks and peace. A little grace that turned my day around, a little reminder that God's presence is everywhere we look. Just like Tobias's little dog who runs out to be with him.
Prayer: Dear God, My mind knows that You are with me wherever I go, whatever I do, whatever is happening, no matter how far away You may feel. Open the eyes of my heart that I may see You in all things, challenges as well as strengths, difficulties as well as times when life goes smoothly, so that I may draw on the power of Your Presence, and walk with You in faith no matter what life brings. Amen.
In my quest to read the Bible approximately in the order that scholars say the books were written, I am including books that in my tradition we call the "Apocrypha". They are books considered sacred and canonical by the Jewish and Catholic traditions, but not my own. In the process, I have stumbled on the delightful book of Tobit, which is a story about righteous people encountering adversity; because they continue walking in God's ways, their difficulties are overcome. Tobit's son Tobias is heading off on a journey, and this charming detail is included. The dog went with him, presumably to keep him company in the way only dogs can. I don't know if we ever hear of the dog again, but here he is at the beginning of the journey, a small grace, a little mercy.
I have been going through a period of challenge. It's nothing big, no catastrophes or anything, but after a period where everything seemed to fall into place, it seems there is one little irritation, frustration, problem after another. If I believed in astrology, I'd say my planets were in retrograde. And I have been challenged to stay present without lapsing into depression or anxiety. So, there I am, yesterday, after a very busy day with some new challenges, arriving early for my dentist appointment. This means I have time to meditate, and I enter the parking lot which tells me I can post three hours in the meters, which are active 24 hours a day. So I pull into a spot, figure I'll need 2+ hours, get my quarters ready and proceed to empty them into the meter. Then two quarters in a row don't advance the meter past an hour. Huh? I look down the row up and down, and at the very end, I see a sign obscured by branches that says "1 Hour Parking" for the row that I am in. So, I've used up 2 quarters that won't buy me time, AND I'm going to have to move to another spot after my meditation/prayer, and use a bunch more quarters, even though my time here won't be up. "Shit!" I say aloud in my frustration. First, some nice gentleman in the next row asks if I need quarters, but I tell him, no, I just didn't realize this spot was only 1 Hour Parking.
OK. Time to sit in silence in my car. I am all stirred up with my frustration, and I start my meditation agitated. Then I draw on the wisdom of Centering Prayer. Just be present, I say to myself. Accept this. It's quarters, it's nothing, just accept that it happened, and be present. Accept that I am frustrated, that I can't accept this at this moment. Accept that this stuff happens. Accept that I made a mistake. I think this is the hardest piece. I should have looked more carefully, I should have seen that sign -- and this is coupled with self-justification: they should have made the sign clearer and less obscure, they should have let you know right at the beginning of the line, the implication being it's their fault!
And then it occurred to me. I have been coming through a time where I have felt God's grace everywhere. I have been in a place of trusting the next step, not over-worrying or over-managing, but knowing that I would be ready for whatever I had signed up for. With all my juggling, things seemed to fall into place. And each time something like that happened, it confirmed my sense that I was walking in faith with God. But who says that I am only walking in faith when things go well, when they turn out right effortlessly? Where does this idea come from (and keep coming back from) that life should be free of frustration and difficulty? That a walk with faith gives you some kind of free pass for the kind of daily "small stuff" nonsense that is just part of being a human being? So, I thought, that's it, I am walking in faith, in faith even when it's not so visible, even when I feel like I am running up against obstacles (small ones to be sure) at every turn. With that idea came lightness and freedom, and I passed the rest of my meditation in peace and acceptance.
So, when I finished my meditation, I again gathered up my quarters, pulled out into the lane and moved to another space, one with a 3 hour window. And as I parked my car, and looked at the meter I saw: it had 2 hours and 5 minutes on it, more than enough for my dentist appointment. And my heart was filled with thanks and peace. A little grace that turned my day around, a little reminder that God's presence is everywhere we look. Just like Tobias's little dog who runs out to be with him.
Prayer: Dear God, My mind knows that You are with me wherever I go, whatever I do, whatever is happening, no matter how far away You may feel. Open the eyes of my heart that I may see You in all things, challenges as well as strengths, difficulties as well as times when life goes smoothly, so that I may draw on the power of Your Presence, and walk with You in faith no matter what life brings. Amen.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Cursed things
This entry from the archives lifted my spirits, and helped me deal with a difficult week this morning:
Joshua
Joshua, the invincible, has lost an important battle. He prostrates himself before the Lord to find out what is wrong. The problem is one of his men have kept precious things from a previous battle, things which are tainted with the Canaanite gods, and were to be destroyed. It struck me that there is a deep, psychological truth here. The cursed things within us – our hatreds, our greed and covetousness, our projections of our evil impulses onto others and our arrogant holding on to only “positive” traits, that make us look and sound good -- all these things divide us internally, give us vulnerable attack points. It is only when we acknowledge, accept and are cleansed of their power – that is cleansed of the curse of them because we recognize the fault in us—that we can stand firmly in our own integrity, unassailable. These are the tools, the weapons our ‘enemies’ use against us, but if we acknowledge them and hold them ourselves, they can’t trip us up. This is the genius of 12-Step. It gets us focused where we have the most power, addressing our own behavior. Then, when we take a stand, we are standing for something – ourselves and what we need and deserve rather than against the other person, in all their brokenness. If we don’t attack, we are not as vulnerable to counter-attack, and if we know our faults, we can stand strong in who we are, the broken places stronger than the smooth ones because of the power of healing. It is through our brokenness that we actually can form strong alliances with others, a cohesiveness that comes from sharing brokenness stronger than that which comes from sharing strength, because it is more true.
Prayer: Dear God Help me always to look at myself first, to be ever mindful of my own flaws and brokenness and then to take and hold whatever stand you call me to. Amen
Friday, February 29, 2008
At the full market price
1Chronicles21:24 David replied to Araunah, “No, I’m buying it from you, and at the full market price. I’m not going to offer God sacrifices that are no sacrifice.” (The Message)
David has taken a census, “substituting statistics for trust.” (21:8) In order to appease God’s anger, and make up for his wrongdoing, he is building an altar on the threshing floor of Araunah, the Jebusite. Araunah offers him the property gratis, along with the animals and grain needed for the sacrifice and David refuses. He wants this to cost him something.
Am I willing to pay the cost? Whenever I make a decision, for good or for ill, all of its ramifications may not be apparent at that time, but whatever they are, I need to deal with them and accept them. There may be unexpected costs, perhaps financial, certainly emotional, but they are part and parcel of the cost of living. Do I want to eliminate risk, somehow get a free pass because “it wasn’t my fault”, I had no way of knowing how things would turn out, or am I willing to pay the price whatever it is, because that is what I signed on for when the decision was made?
Whatever happens to us, we pay for with our lives, whether deserved or undeserved. Many innocent Israelites paid for David’s sin. Perhaps what this is saying to me today is bear the cost and don’t count it. Reckon it as the price of living, the price of loving, the price of engagement in the world, the price of redemption and serenity.
Prayer: Dear God, I try so hard sometimes to figure out all the angles, plan for all contingencies, and still end up with costs I didn’t anticipate. Teach me to accept all that comes my way as part of the gift of your grace, whatever the cost, that I may always be grateful for where you have brought me. Amen
Saturday, February 2, 2008
He can't come to me
2Samuel
“While the child was alive,” he said, “I fasted and wept, thinking God might have mercy on me and the child would live. But now that he’s dead, why fast? Can I bring him back now? I can go to him, but he can’t come to me.”
David’s son from his illicit affair with Bathsheba has died. To the servants, his behavior seems contradictory. Why not be happy while the child is still alive, and sad after it has died? But this death is not arbitrary; it is God’s judgment on David’s sinful behavior. David knows this, and knows, therefore, that once the child has died, there is nothing more to hope for; God’s judgment has been exercised. So, he goes on with his life. He eats and drinks; he washes himself and puts on decent clothing. It doesn’t say that he is not sad. What sadder or more poignant thing can a parent say than, “I can go to him, but he can’t come to me”? There is a profound silent grief in that simple statement. But David is a practical man, and he recognizes that he has responsibilities beyond this one lost child. He is king of
I want to be careful here that I do not suggest that all deaths are “God’s will”. I mean by that that I don’t believe God goes around striking people dead, willy nilly. These were very special circumstances. People die too young from illness and accidents and other things because we live in a broken world, not because God has ordained the death of a particular person in order to wreak judgment on his or her family. And acceptance of such a loss is not easy to come by, and often comes only after a difficult emotional process. Ultimately, however, acceptance is our resting point. It is a place we come to where we can trust in God’s reign over all, including our suffering and loss. It’s where I can sit and hold the memory of my loved one in my heart, feel the sadness of missing them along with the joy that they were in my life, and still see what is beautiful and wonderful in this moment as it unfolds before me.
Prayer: Dear God, I pray for all those who have suffered the loss of someone they love, that they may find comfort. I pray that they find the strength to go on and feel the grace of your enfolding love. Help them to cherish their loss, and rediscover the joy of that relationship, when they can. Let them know they are in your merciful hands. Amen
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Do to me what you vowed
One from the archives:
Judges 11:36-37
She said, "Dear Father, if you made a vow to God, do to me what you vowed. God did his part and saved you from your Ammonite enemies." And then she went to her father, "But let this one thing be done for me. Give me two months to wander through the hills and lament my virginity since I will never marry, I and my dear friends."
This made me weep, I was so touched by her simple faith, her commitment. She gets it! Jephtha, her father, made a rash vow -- he didn't need to do that, he didn't need to bargain with God, he could've just asked, but instead he thought he could buy God's favor. And he paid dearly. He promised God that if God would give him the battle, he would burn as an offering the first thing that greeted him when he returned from the battle. And who rushed out to greet him but his only dearly beloved daughter! And here, this young girl -- she doesn't even get a name -- shames his paltry faith and the fickle faith of the people of Israel, who are constantly being seduced by the foreign Gods of the Canaanites, this nameless young woman shows with grace and courage how to honor God, how to submit in obedience to God's will.
Prayer: Dear God, You give me this example of a young woman who accepts your power and dominion without thinking twice about it, even when it means her immolation. I cannot hope to measure up to her example. I pray that through Christ living in me I may develop such faith as you will give me to see and accept your will in all things. Amen
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
A black mood
1Samuel
It’s hard not to feel for Saul in this moment. He made some mistakes, some bad mistakes, trying to live up to what he thought was being asked of him. But he had felt the Spirit of God working in him, and what a terrible, bottomless pit of a depression it must have been to feel it gone. He must have felt hopeless, helpless, powerless, useless and of course, terrified. So what can he do in that moment? The only thing that I’ve ever been able to do in those moments is accept what I’m feeling and give it to God. I pray, I journal, I do this, and usually, eventually, God brings me out of it. But Saul never surrenders in that way. He keeps fighting it. He keeps deluding himself with the notion that he can hold on to his kingship without God’s help, that he can somehow get rid of David, even though he sees and it is clear to everyone that God’s Spirit is with David. And then Saul sinks even lower. He hates. Even though David is the one person who can alleviate Saul’s black moods, through the music of the harp; even though David fights valiantly for Saul, defeating the Philistines over and over again; even though Saul’s son Jonathan, who would be the one to inherit the kingdom, pledges himself to David – or no, it is probably just because of these things that Saul hates David. They are all evidence of what he has lost: God’s favor. Depression, hatred, envy: these are all experiences that eat away at the soul, take the joy from living and poison relationships.
Prayer: Dear God, Make me aware of those times when depression, hatred or envy begins to threaten my well-being. Help me to accept my human frailty, and offer these feelings to you, so that I might receive your divine grace. Burn them out of my heart with your love and compassion, that they might be replaced with gratitude at all you have done in my life, compassion toward others, and acceptance of my state in life, and your divine will which will always be shrouded in mystery. Amen
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