Private whispers vs. Public preaching

Luke 12:3 You can't whisper one thing in private and preach the opposite in public. The day's coming when those whispers will be repeated all over town.

How many of our leaders, both secular and religious, fall into this trap? There's something about reaching a position of power that seems to invite people into thinking that they've done it all under their own steam, that they're above the rules, above the law, that it doesn't apply to them. Think Eliot Spitzer, Tiger Woods, and a host of others whose names I don't remember but whose scandals I do. The anti-gay conservatives who are caught in homosexual hook ups. It's legislators preaching ethics who are caught taking bribes. It's each of us whenever we whisper judgmental gossip about someone privately and smile with fake friendliness when we see them. It's called hypocrisy, and it's the thing teenagers get all riled up about, usually about their parents.

That's when a wise person recognizes the danger and takes steps to counter the influence of power and success. That's why humility is such an important Christian virtue: it reminds people that the lowliest homeless person and the highest ranking politician are both still human beings and highly flawed. It's why God prefers the tax collector, who comes to God aware of his shortcomings, to the Pharisee, who is convinced of his own righteousness. It's an easy slip to make and we humans are especially prone. Humility reminds us that we are not God; only God is God.

Prayer: Dear God, Help me be watchful that I don't slip into thinking I"m doing this all on my own. I want always to remember Who's in charge. Amen.

Let us make a name for ourselves

1Maccabees 5:57 So they said, "let us also make a name for ourselves: let us go and make war on the gentiles around us."

1Maccabees was written in the second century B.C.E. and describes the revolt of the Jewish people under the leadership of Matathias and his five sons, the most famous of whom is Judas Maccabeus. The soldiers speaking in the above quote have been duly impressed by Judas' astonishing victories over forces five to ten times as numerous as his own. They are stirred to imitate him. Unfortunately, their intentions are way off. They are not following God, but instead seeking their own glory. As a result, they are doomed to failure.

I think I spent the first half of my life going after the glory. It wasn't fame per se, necessarily, that I was aiming for. I was never particularly ruthless in my ambition, and I imagined there would be benefits to others, but it wasn't about them, it was for me. It was to gratify that inner longing to be seen and recognized. What I didn't understand, and am now just beginning to, is that seeking one's reknown, seeking to be known by the world, seeking to be seen and acknowledged by the people around us does not lead, ultimately, to the most rewarding life. I am very impressed when I come across younger people who have already figured this out. The most rewarding life, the one that Jesus of Christianity calls us to, is to live in service to God, to seek first His Kingdom.

I am reading a wonderful book by the Quaker Richard Foster on The Freedom of Simplicity. One point he makes is that outward simplicity begins with inner simplicity and it is this call to seek God first in all things which moves us toward that inner simplicity. If I have one call, one passion, one direction, that is, to seek God's will for me, rather than my will for myself, to seek His Kingdom first and foremost, that is a point of clarification. What things are unnecessary in the light of that intention? What things lose their importance in the light of that one, sacred purpose? He talks about obedience being the avenue to develop true humility, which leads us to the Joy and Peace that Jesus promises us, that God promises us. I don't think it was an accident that the biggest achievement of my career came after I returned to my faith. And even with that grounding, achieving what I had longed for was often powerfully able to pull me off my intentions, to push my focus away from where God was calling me. It's not that we achieve perfectly our purpose; that, frankly, is impossible. It's that, as Thomas Merton says, "I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you." It's an uncertain path, leading through dark woods, but we are led by the light of faith, and in that we must find hope and contentment.

Prayer: Dear God, I have been stumbling and losing my way. The requirements of life, the needs of the world have pulled me away from reaching toward You. Help me to keep my focus clear. Give me the tools to be mindful of You and where You are calling me. Give me insight to discern where I am serving Your Purposes, and where I am not, and give me the strength to say no to all that pulls me away from Your Path. Amen.

The Way of Insight

Proverbs 9:6 Lay aside immaturity, and live, and walk in the way of insight.

This was read in church last Sunday and it really hit me: all the things I love to do, that call to me, that fill me and sustain me involve insight. As both a therapist and a consumer of therapy, insight is central to the process, discovering who I am in all the various situations I find myself in, and addressing the choices I make. In the arts, I discover insight into the human condition, into the life we live now, into the effects of cultural ideas on how we see ourselves. My spiritual practices, the prayer and contemplation, the writing (which for me is both creative and spiritual) get me to slow down and reflect, create space through silence and stillness that allows the truth to emerge from the chaos of my mind. What is confession, after all, but sharing acts of estrangement, the ways I behave that are counter to my intentions, the clarity of all my shortcomings and misdirections? Insight is seeing clearly the truth of who I am, and my place in the world of creation, and of people. It's a pulling together, an integration of all the different parts of me, the conflicting emotions, the contradictory desires and garbled intentions. It's a unification and focus of my spirit, light poured out on the path in front of me, and a making sense of all of that, a certain kind of understanding. It's a recognition that the things I think aren't necessarily the truth, that my mind lies to me; emotions are fleeting, and even a day which feels satisfying, filled and productive can be followed by one that makes me feel that my life is falling apart, I can't do anything right and I'm a totally lost soul. Even this attempt to tap into the order, to make my way back to that path, to come up out of the inchoate wilderness I seem to be caught up in, has tested me -- I had written the whole thing out, lost my internet connection, and came back on line to find all of it gone! So I am starting over. This is exactly what my life has felt like lately: all my efforts coming to naught. So I am attempting to retrieve the flashes of, yes, insight into what is going on with me right now by painstakingly reminding myself of the process I just went through and what I learned.

A little further on from this verse, we come upon a more famous one, "The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight." (9:10) This suggested to me that insight also had something to do with perspective, with seeing myself rightly within the whole expanse of what is. Not all religions talk about God, but they all address our place in the created universe and in our relationships with ourselves, with other human beings and whatever it is that gives us life. Seeing that perspective rightly requires that we come to terms with our human limitations, as well as the limitations of those around us. Sometimes we don't know what to do, we don't know where to turn. Confusion results, which can quickly spiral into fear and the conviction that something is wrong, and pretty soon I can't see anything good in my life or my horizon, all is lost. When I come to my spiritual director in this state of mind, he is fond of saying that I am one of those who really needs contemplation to sustain me. When I was in college, there was a particular creative process that I realized I couldn't live without; it filled me and sustained me and gave me life. Though the creative expression has shifted, I am continually reminded that it's still true that I need some sort of creative expression to help me make sense of it all; these days, I most often express that in writing of various kinds, like this. The quiet and stillness of contemplative prayer (meditation) is also surprisingly sustaining, and seems to clear away all the clutter in my mind that gets in the way of clarity of thinking. And let us not ignore the rest that comes this way. I know one of the things that I am struggling with (always do, it seems) is overscheduling, and not always getting my full Sabbath rest. To really give myself over to rest for one day a week, to recognize that life will go on without me, even those who look to me for support and guidance can do fine on their own for one day, relieves me of such a burden that I have in the past wakened the next morning raring to go. Slowly, but insidiously, however, activity and meetings and social life intrude; even reading can become an attempt to accomplish something! Then I have to remind myself what Sabbath is for, what it is all about, so that I can use it as a process of restoration.

The thing is, this process here, and others like it in my life, are always available, yet I don't always utilize them. I get stuck in the feelings, or the convictions, that sense of hopelessness and uselessness, and to counteract that get caught up in notions of achievement, accomplishment, as if that will provide what I am lacking. I am a tired child who keeps yelling, "I'm not tired!!!" and wanting to do that one more thing which will make me complete, not realizing that the one thing is no-thing but a cessation from doing, true rest. When I access the process, when I engage in my practices of spirituality, creativity and psychotherapeutic understanding, it all comes together and the light goes on. Spirituality connects me to that larger Self I call God, and gives me perspective on my true place of humility and flawedness; creativity integrates all the pieces into one flow of focus and clarity, shining the light on whatever that next step is; psychotherapeutic understanding helps me look at my choices and their effects, so that I can make the choices that really support me in my life. Yes, it takes time, and it doesn't always look like much, but the fruit is that I come back to the human being I am, find myself able to meet the challenges ahead of me, and experience myself more and more as the fullness of all that God intends for my life.

I think I need a vacation.

Prayer: Dear God, I know that you are always there, waiting, and that the practices I treasure lead me unfailingly to some sense of your Presence. Despite that knowing, I persist in doing things that don't work, trying to fill in the holes in my spirit with bread that does not satisfy. Forgive me my stubbornness, help me correct these faults of inattention and misattention, and remind me that You are the core of all I do and who I am. Amen.

Where were you?

Job: 38:4 Where were you when I created the earth?

We have heard Job's complaints, and his friends harangues; now, finally, God speaks in answer. And what a question! Where was he, indeed? Where were any of us? Not anywhere close, is the answer. Apparently, even our physics and mathematical calculations completely breakdown as we get close to what has come to be known as "The Big Bang". I will never forget reading in a book called Wrinkles in Time about the discovery of cosmic radiation, which is some of the data that supports the idea of the Big Bang, that we could not say anything about the beginning itself, only at a ten-millionth of a trillionth of a trillionth of a trillionth of a second later, that is 10 to the minus 42nd power. That is a time frame utterly beyond anything I can imagine; it is a number which has no actual or practical meaning to me, only a mathematical one. And the author had the temerity to say that the moment thus described was the first moment about which we could sensibly talk. Such a time frame is the farthest thing from sensible, in my book!

I guess the point is, whatever that beginning was, however we like to think we know something about it, it is utterly beyond our experience or capabilities. I have been told that even the first sentence in Genesis actually begins in the middle! So, even the Bible doesn't dare to say anything about that first moment, whatever it was. Contemplating such ideas, whether through theology or science, is one of the ways that I sometimes get a hint, just a glimpse of the immensity of God, of how far beyond my comprehension, or any possibility of knowing, God is. The paradox is that at the same time, God is as close as my breath; some would even say that God is my breath. It's like putting the enormity of the universe as we know it against the utter tininess of that fraction of a second I described above. What is it that can encompass such extremes? Only God. God -- incomprehensible, beyond all knowledge and thought, yet as intimate as my skin, utterly transcendent and immanent at the same time. And in the face of that, like Job, I have to shut my mouth and fall down in awe.

Prayer: Dear God, I thank you for the marvelous and amazing discoveries of science, which give me some hints at the wonder of Your Creation. Help me to understand that even as I study to know You more, full knowledge is always out of reach, and to bow before The Mystery. Amen.

Don't assume you know it all

Proverbs 3:7 Don't assume you know it all.

I think almost any circumstance I am part of can benefit from this piece of wisdom. Whether in conversations with my family, professional and work situations, or in my activities at church, I in particular need to remember that I don't know it all. Often I'm so full of my own ideas, that I burst out with them, obliterating other people's ideas and even their desire to participate. Then I lose the opportunity to learn from them, to broaden my perspective, to hear some of the many stories outside of my own experience. I have had to work hard to counteract this tendency, to step back so that others can step forward, to appreciate the value to ME of what others have to say, and not simply focus on the excitement and joy I get from my own process of thinking things out.

I think we Christians can benefit also from recognizing that we have much to learn from other's experiences. Too often the voice of Christianity in the culture is strident and all-knowing, leaving no room to invite those outside the fold to share their knowledge and convictions. My Rector often says that the Church is the one institution which exists primarily for those outside its walls; Jesus often spent time with the marginalized of his culture, approaching them with compassion and grace. I'm not suggesting that people put aside their own conviction about their faith, but just to recognize that hitting people over the head with how right we are doesn't invite them to engage with us, that humility about the limits of our knowing is a surer path to real dialogue than a stance that says I've already got everything figured out. And in fact, even as a Christian, even as one who feels a sure conviction about my faith, can I really say that I know the mind of God?

Prayer: Dear God, It's so easy to rest in my own understanding of my faith, and forget that You and Your Ways are as far above me as the potter is above the clay, as the shepherd is above the sheep. Help me keep my own knowing in its proper perspective in the context of Your Unfathomable Being. Amen.

God as Mystery

Judith 8:14 You cannot plumb the depths of the human heart or understand the workings of the human mind; how do you expect to search out God who made all these things and find out his mind or comprehend his thought?

In my quest to read the Bible through "in order" I have decided to include the Apocryphal books, which are canonical in the Jewish and Catholic traditions, but not in most Protestant traditions. We'll see how I do once the main Old Testament books are completed; that is, how long I am willing to delay my entry into the New Testament. So here I am at Judith, the story of a woman who defeats the army of Holofernes, who is holding siege to her town in Judah. Her wisdom is in evidence in this statement she makes to the leaders, who have made a rash promise to the people that they will surrender if God does not come to their rescue within five days. She takes matters into her own hands.

She is scolding them here for putting God to the test; what do you know of God's ways, she asks them. If human beings are a mystery -- and despite many advances in the area of psychology, I think it is fair to say that ultimately they remain very mysterious -- how much more so is God, the Creator of all that is. If he is the potter and we are the clay, as Jeremiah tells us, how can we even begin to understand what God is and what God is about? I often think this is a factor that is missing in our public conversations about God and religion these days. It seems to me that sureness is an enemy to entering God's presence and submitting to God's workings.

I make a distinction between this sureness, which is a sense of factual knowledge of God, and the conviction held by all people of faith. A conviction is a heartfelt truth informed by spiritual knowing, but is not a fact in that sense. It pretends no understanding of God, or who or what God is, simply the conviction of faith that something (or no thing) called God exists and is worthy of our honor and praise. That God's ways are far beyond human ways and are ultimately unknowable to us is implicit in that humbling awareness of having been touched by God. This is knowledge, but it is of an entirely different kind than that espoused by people who are convinced that God is seeking this or that outcome, that particular words of scripture mean one specific thing. To me is like saying, "I know what God is thinking." God as Mystery humbles us all before It. "Knowing" what God is thinking exalts our knowledge to be equal to that of God.

Perhaps what's missing in these discourses is humility, and maybe that's the point. If God can be figured out, that makes me the clever one, not God. Then I have the power. Humility reminds me of my true position in God's Creation: one humble element looking to find my proper place.

Prayer: Dear God, You show me humility in both my spiritual and professional lives. Show me when arrogance threatens my relationship to truth, and let humility in the face of life's mystery always inform my teaching and reaching out to others, so that they will not be impressed by my knowledge, but by Your Presence. Amen

You corrupted wisdom

Ezekiel 28:16 You corrupted wisdom by using it to get worldly fame.

I was at a seminar on spirituality and psychology several months ago and the presenter began by speaking about "The Secret". His comment was that the ideas of the secret were absolutely correct and 180 degrees wrong. It turns the notion of the spiritual life into a way to get more of what I "want" -- all the things that I think will make me feel secure and happy (material objects and wealth, fame and renown) which will only pull me more deeply into the world's values. Spiritual values, by contrast, are profoundly and unapologetically counter-cultural. Yes, I can use spiritual understandings, gifts and practices in this way, but it corrupts them and denies me the true fruit: a deep humility which allows me to enter the full richness of each moment, to be an integrated part of life on this planet which is as full of pain and suffering as it is with joy and happiness.

Suffering is the refiner's fire of the spiritual life, and if we try to avoid the inevitable suffering life brings we are condemned to skimming its surface without really engaging with it. So not only do we corrupt the spiritual wisdom offered us, but we miss the greatest gift they have to bestow: the transformation of our own hearts.

Prayer: Dear God, You have called me on a spiritual journey. Help me to stick with it through whatever life brings along the way, and teach me to value the true fruits of my spiritual path. Amen.

Reflections on the Election

I am departing from my usual format today, because I feel called to respond to the results of this historic election. I spent last week in Mississippi, helping to restore homes destroyed by Hurricane Katrina, along with people from all over the country. I watched the election returns with a group of young people who are spending a year traveling around the country, contributing their hard work and sweat to all sorts of projects benefiting our nation through the Americorps program. Though they were Obama enthusiasts, I don't think they had the same visceral reaction I did. In some ways, I felt that the hopes I had as a college student in the late 60's were being realized. Though the issues are different, today's youth have been a significant instrument of change, as we had hoped to be back then. Though we were instrumental in stopping a war, it has taken 40 years to create a generation, and a context, that invites the full participation of our youth. That is extremely gratifying and moving to me.

I was also impressed with the response of both candidates to the results. Their speeches were both gracious and unifying, and it reminds me of something that often gets lost. There is much talk of red states and blue states, but in fact there are only purple states. Even in so-called red states, 30 - 49% of the population voted for Obama; in the blue states, a similar percentage voted for McCain. Even as they break down into counties, trying to parse ever and ever smaller units, using the monolithic colors of red and blue hides the reality that while my neighbor may have had an Obama sign on his lawn, a block away there was a McCain sign. And though the real divide may have something to do with rural vs. urban communities, even that breakdown will obscure the complex reality if we use these monolithic labels. Let's remember that we are all Americans wanting what is best for our country as we see it. Perhaps if we can attribute good motives to those who oppose us, we will be better able to listen to what they have to say. Perhaps it is not possible to forge one solution for the problems that beset so many communities; perhaps what we need is local solutions that respond to the complexities of local communities, a whole set of solutions that can be adapted to local needs. Though we are many communities, we are one nation, and now is the time to stand together with all our differences intact, not a melting pot really, more like a casserole.

Prayer: Dear God, It is easy to lump people together and dismiss them when I disagree with their point of view. Help me to see all people as Your beloved children, looking for a way to express Your divine spark, and honor them. Open my heart to hear their point of view, and give me the humility to recognize that I am not always right. Amen.

No Moabite!

Deuteronomy 23:3 No Ammonite or Moabite is to enter the kingdom of God, even to the tenth generation, nor any of his children.

Here we have some of the Laws of Moses, spoken by him in his last sermon on the plain before entering the Promised Land. The message seems pretty clear. Just three books later, however, we have the book of Ruth, the story of a Moabite woman who does not just become part of the Israelite community, but also becomes the great grandmother to the greatest king in Israel’s history, King David. Is she the exception that proves the rule? What is going on here?

The Bible is full of just these kinds of contradictions. The Jewish tradition, as well as the Orthodox Christian tradition, finds it easy to hold conflicting and contradictory messages in one’s mind, which is why, when the Bible was assembled, no attempt was made to smooth out all these differences and make them agree. You can see the same spirit at work in the record of the four Gospels of the New Testament. We Western Christians, however, want everything tied down and clear; we want to get our instructions without confusion so we know exactly what to do. These kinds of contradictions tend to frustrate us: which one is it?

I wonder if that isn’t part of the Wisdom the Bible holds. Perhaps we can find God even in the confusion. Perhaps the point is that life is too complex to go through just applying a bunch of rules to every situation. Perhaps we are meant to struggle with the particulars in our lives, to struggle with the meaning of scripture, with how to discern God’s will in the circumstances in which we find ourselves. If I just apply the rules, without actually grappling with what is happening and praying for God’s guidance and intervention, how can I see when God is calling me into a new direction? If Peter hadn’t been open to new directions in Acts (Acts 10:9-29) none of us Gentiles would even be Christians.

Prayer: Dear God, Sometimes I want answers that are clear and easy; it’s hard to sit with the messiness and ambiguity of life. Help me remember that no matter how messy it gets you are there to guide me, and open my heart to discern your call. Amen.

This one fell on his knees

2Kings 1:13 The king then sent a third captain with his fifty men. For a third time, a captain with his fifty approached Elijah. This one fell on his knees in supplication.

The first two captains and their 50 men each have been incinerated by lightning called down by Elisha; they were sent to command Elisha, a prophet of God, and Elisha’s response was to show that no one but God commanded him. This captain, though, doesn’t try to boss Elisha, as the previous two did, but instead humbles himself, essentially throwing himself on the prophet’s mercy. This humbling of himself breaks the stalemate, and saves his life and the life of his men.

How often, when I am in a tug of war with someone, do I think to relinquish my position of being “right” and humble myself before the other? I think particularly of struggles in relationships with people I love. It is very hard for me to either admit being “wrong” or to approach the person with some sense of humility rather than an agenda to show them something: where they’ve done wrong or where they could improve. This suggests that finding a moment of humility might be a better course, to lower the heat of conflict, defuse the situation and open a path to a different kind of conversation. John Ruusbroec, a 14^th century Flemish Christian mystic, describes humility as “an interior bowing of the heart and mind before the transcendent majesty of God.” (James Wiseman, O.S.B., translator) Just as this captain bows in humility before Elisha in homage to the God that he represents, I can bow in humility before my partner, friend or family member, honoring the God that manifests in their being. I do this not to get a result, but to honor the other as a child of God, and remind myself that we are both under God’s power and the walk of Christ calls me to bow before Him in everything I do, even in an argument.

Prayer: Dear God, As I continue to struggle with my relationship, let me always remember that we are both Your children and so contain the light of Your presence within us. Teach me to honor that both in him and in myself, that I may submit my will to Yours in all things and thus reap the joy and fullness of the life You call me to. Amen

For Lamech, it's seventy-seven!

Genesis 4:24 I killed a man for wounding me, a young man who attacked me.
If Cain is avenged seven times, for Lamech it’s seventy-seven.

I puzzled quite a bit over this story of one of Cain’s descendants. Why is it here? What is it trying to tell us? And then it struck me; here we have an example of how people take God’s acts and intentions and distort them. God’s statement of avenging Cain seven times upon anyone that harmed him was a compassionate declaration of his love and protection for Cain. It was meant as a deterrent, so that Cain would come to no harm. But for Lamech, it becomes a competition, a measure of manhood, a method of self-aggrandizement. If God can do it sevenfold, he seems to be saying, I am that much greater than God I’ll multiply his by eleven! See how big I am? He puts himself in the place of God, rather than having the proper perspective of his weakness and vulnerability in the face of God’s power. He relies on his own physical strength, and probably a hair-trigger reactivity to other people’s treatment of him, tending to see an attack where there is none. When the only tool you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. So, too, when you are always ready to defend yourself, you are likely to see attacks everywhere.

How do I do this in my own life? How do I take God’s grace that has been poured out on me and use it to puff myself up, to think well of myself? When someone disagrees with me, do I see that as an attack? How often do I react to people’s words out of old patterns of defensiveness and fear, rather than trusting God in my heart and listening to understand what the other person is trying to tell me? I have noticed that as soon as I give myself a silent, “well done!” or become aware of things going well in my life, there is a persistent tendency to get sucked in by my ego-imagination, painting pictures of future triumph and renown. That is taking the blessings of God and distorting them, making them about me rather than about God’s eternal goodness. So, perhaps the question then is, how do I continue to recognize the blessings in my life as the result of God’s grace and compassion, and not my own efforts? Only in this way can I keep my will in alignment with the Eternal Will of Being.

Prayer: Dear God, It has been a week of blessing and hard work. Whenever I feel blessed or that I have accomplished something, help me remember that all I have and all I am is the product of Your Divine Favor. Remind me to bow in humility to your all-encompassing power, so that I approach my fellow human beings out of my human frailty, rather than some sense of false invulnerability. For I know my only strength and power lie in You. Amen.

You know each life from the inside

2Chronicles 6:30 Listen from your home in heaven, forgive and reward us: reward each life and circumstance, for you know each life from the inside, (you’re the only one with such inside knowledge.)

I have always been interested in psychology, whether it shows up in literature, movies or the people I know. I think there is a central conceit, though, to psychology that is pointed out here. I can analyze, explain, use all kinds of psychological theories to describe a person and why they do what they do, and in the end, I don’t really know anything about them. Their interior life is truly a mystery to me, no matter how much I may “understand”. Only God, who has access to our thoughts and feelings from the inside out, truly has access to that inner reality.

In my arrogance, out of such psychological “knowledge”, I can also do all kinds of harm, thinking I know what is best for others, making judgments of them based on their exterior circumstances, or on myself for not matching up to that exterior, what 12-Step calls “judging my insides by other people’s outsides.” I can also get sucked into all kinds of interpersonal traps, seduced by a showy outside when I haven’t fully taken stock of what may be on the inside, or simply caught in a web by my own need or desire to understand that mystery at the heart of another human being, especially someone I love. Recognizing that only God has such access to another can be a guide, or a first step, to recognizing the mystery of the other, holding off on my good-intentioned meddling, or simply standing back and letting go of trying to fathom the unfathomable. Thus, the strings that bind me are set free. There is still connection, after all, but freed from the seductive pull of chasing down some illusory and ultimately uncertain understanding about another, I can be more present with the person as they are, not as I would have them, and that leaves me free to connect in the ways that work for me, and let go of the ways that don’t.

Prayer: Dear God, I thank you for the revelation of this truth about my errors in relationships. . Help me to remember that only You can know truly what is at the heart of another human being. Let me be humble in my aspirations of knowing others, respectful of their understanding of themselves and the world and honoring of their truth as well as my own. Amen.

Who is capable?

2Chronicles 2:6 But who is capable of building such a structure: Why, the skies—the entire cosmos!—can’t begin to contain him. And me, who am I to think I can build a house adequate for God—burning incense to him is about all I’m good for! (The Message)

We see such a different picture of Solomon here in Chronicles than we did in Kings. I see a young man, in awe of his warrior father, a strong and charismatic leader, who has come to the throne after a bloody, divisive struggle among his older brothers, all of whom have been killed. He asks for wisdom because he doesn’t know how he’s going to rule this “mob of people”. Perhaps he is still struggling with his grief over the bloodshed, the loss of his father, whom he perhaps idolized. So he expresses here his feeling of total inadequacy to the task: not only is God beyond anything humans can build to contain him, but Solomon is only fit for the simplest of tasks, burning incense.

The funny thing is, I know as I read that this Solomon is going to be greater than his father in some ways; he is going to rule over the flowering of Israelite culture, the writing down of the first sacred texts, and a time of unprecedented peace. Rulers come from all over the known world to marvel at his wisdom and skill as a ruler. This is the man who here feels so inadequate? So we have to look at the standards he is measuring himself by—the skills of his father, David. But what David did was to set the stage for the flowering Solomon reigns over. I think of the Medicis: Cosimo, the father, accumulated all the wealth as a very sharp businessman in Florence, but it was his son, Lorenzo, who reigned over the flowering of the Renaissance (spending nearly all the money Cosimo made – and aren’t we glad he did!)

I think we all find ourselves in a similar place as young people. I am measuring myself by the standards of the culture that forms my foundation, but not the culture of the future, where I will reach my flowering whatever it is. As young people, our parents loom like giants over us, already so experienced, already so knowledgeable, who are we to think we know how to do things for ourselves, break out in new directions? And here I am, at a time of life when my parents are both gone, and I am now in that position of elder, and what do I know about the life my son needs to lead to move forward into a future I may never know? Like Solomon, I am more and more aware of the inadequacy of my abilities to manage my life, which is why I find myself leaning more and more heavily on the God who cannot be contained, who is wider and broader and deeper than any human knowledge or understanding that I might find.

Prayer: Dear God, You have blessed me with this glimpse into the soul of Solomon, and given me a perspective that goes far beyond my everyday worries and concerns. Help me grasp hold of this perspective and let it guide me through my days, so that I reckon my inadequacy in the face of your all saving power and love. Amen.

David wouldn't drink it

2Samuel 23:15-17 David had a sudden craving and said, “Would I ever like a drink of water from the well at the gate of Bethlehem!” So the Three penetrated the Philistine lines, drew water from the well at the gate of Bethlehem, and brought it back to David. But David wouldn’t drink it; he poured it out as an offering to God, saying, “There is no way, God, that I’ll drink this! This isn’t mere water, it’s their life-blood—they risked their very lives to bring it!” So David refused to drink it.

Here is recounted one of the exploits of David’s three mightiest warriors. They risk their lives to get some water from a particular well, the well of David’s birthplace. So why doesn’t David drink it? First of all, he certainly didn’t want to encourage such foolhardiness. Yet to scold the men after their brave deed would have smacked of ingratitude. So he chooses a middle course. He recognizes that it is not worth the lives of his men to satisfy his own passing physical cravings, that only God is worthy of such honor as his men have demonstrated, so he pours the water out as an offering to God, the only one worthy of such reckless and all-encompassing devotion.

I get the feeling sometimes that people with wealth and privilege, some of our leaders of industry, forget this simple fact. They think that money can buy devotion, that their position of power gives them the right to expect other humans to be at their beck and call, to satisfy their every wish, no matter how outrageous, that their greed is more valuable than the life-savings of their employees. I wish more people in positions of responsibility would recognize that as a sacred trust, as David does here. He honors his men; he doesn’t exploit them. It would be easy for such devotion to go to his head, for him to start thinking he is some hot stuff, but he has a clear understanding of his own human limitations, of God’s limitlessness, and he knows he doesn’t deserve such fealty from his troops. He is remarkable, perhaps, for his ability to maintain a sense of humility in the face of the loyalty and passion he inspires in his followers.

Prayer: Dear God, Fortune has placed me in a position of privilege in this culture. Keep me ever mindful of that privilege, and aware of those who do not share it. Keep me humble in all my interactions, remind me of expectations that may be inappropriate, and help me remember that we are all simply human beings and equal in your sight. Amen

Who am I?

Ruth 2:10 She dropped to her knees, then bowed her face to the ground. "How does this happen that you should pick me out and treat me so kindly--a foreigner?" Ruth, my favorite book of the Bible, also the shortest. We are still in the time of the judges, but a very different view of people doing whatever feels right. Today, this verse hit me with a blast of emotion. I was touched by Ruth's humility, her awareness of her low status as a foreign born woman in an Israelite society, and her acceptance of that status, her heartfelt gratitude for Boaz' kindness. "Who am I," she is saying,"that you would bother with me?" That makes me think of Psalm 8:5a -- Who are people that you, God, should bother with us?. It reminds me of Mary and her response to the annunciation -- who am I, she is saying, to be blessed by God, exalted, in this way? And to me it's not a mean condition or groveling, but a realistic understanding of where Ruth stands, a full acceptance of that. Then there is room for wonder, gratitude, reflection on God's mercy in so many ways. If I can see myself in the fullness of God's plan, of the created universe, humbly accept the limited and lowly, even insignificant role I play in that larger scheme of things, then there is room for surprise, for wonder, for blessing. But if I approach life with a sense of my own importance, like a well-born aristocrat, someone who feels entitled to life's rewards, then there is no room for wonder and blessing and gratitude, which opens up the space for the other two. Instead, it's all about expectations being met or not met, and there's an inevitable sense of deprivation as a result. "Why isn't life being what I think it should be? Don't I deserve to have my expectations met?" It all gets in the way of being with what is, enjoying what is, experiencing life as it is. I so recognize that in myself, more in the past than now, but I still sometimes get caught in that trap. And the remedy? Humility. Get real about where I fit into all that is, my true relationship to God, whose nature is as far beyond mine as the potter's is beyond that of the clay. Prayer: Dear God, I thank you for the example of your daughter Ruth, in her graciousness and humility. Help keep my spirit humble. Above all, help me notice when I get off track, when expectations get me seeing my life as half empty rather than half full and lead me back to your path of humility, acceptance and grace. Amen