A key witness

Acts 22:15 You are to be a key witness to everyone you meet of what you've seen and heard.

I read this verse the same morning that I learned my aunt had had what appeared to be a severe stroke. She had had a stroke many months before, but the effects had turned out to be rather mild, and she had been coping well. Her convictions, however, remained the same: no extraordinary measures were to be taken to extend her life. At 91, she felt she had lived a long and fruitful life, and that health care dollars were better spent saving the lives of younger people. She had no taste for hospitals, and machines, and expensive treatments. So when she had that first stroke, and the family wasn't sure what was happening, they called 911 for guidance, and the ambulance came out to her house in rural New Hampshire. At that time, when the paramedics wanted to take her to the hospital, my cousin checked in again with his mother (she was able to minimally communicate) and confirming her intentions, that she didn't want to go to the hospital, he took the extraordinary step of sending the ambulance away. The family held vigil for several days, wondering when would be her last. Then she recovered.

It was a risky step. They say with strokes that early intervention can make the difference in terms of the severity of the stroke's effects. But J. held firm to her principles. She was a fiscal conservative, and she and I had many differences in our point of view. My brother once described her side of the family as "tea and hard toast people", a remnant of the hardscrabble life our ancestors pursued on the desolate moors of Scotland. She had many strong opinions, made no bones about them, and could argue her point forcefully; she wasn't always the easiest person to be around. Yet, when push came to shove, and it was her own mortality at stake, she didn't back down, she followed through on her beliefs fearlessly and steadfastly, right to the end.

My aunt was not a religious woman. I don't think there was much room for faith in her rational and practical world view. Still, she was not afraid of death, not afraid of the loss of ego that terrifies so many. The second stroke, which came on Mother's Day, paralyzed her on one side. Still, the family called for no intervention. She lingered for 10 days, the family supporting her choices, whether to eat or not, drink or not, and she passed away peacefully on May 19. In a world where so many hold principles only so long as it doesn't affect them personally, she never faltered at the moment of truth. In a culture rife with shameless hypocrisy, she remained true to her convictions even when they affected her at the most basic level. I stand as a witness to her principled courage in the face of every person's ultimate challenge: how do we face our death?

Prayer: Dear God, I am grateful for my aunt's presence in my life, and for the shining example she gave of courage in the face of death. She, who rarely surrendered in life, somehow had the wisdom to surrender in death. Be with her family as they learn to live without her physical presence, knowing that the living principles she imparted to them will be with them until their own ultimate surrender. Amen.

Private whispers vs. Public preaching

Luke 12:3 You can't whisper one thing in private and preach the opposite in public. The day's coming when those whispers will be repeated all over town.

How many of our leaders, both secular and religious, fall into this trap? There's something about reaching a position of power that seems to invite people into thinking that they've done it all under their own steam, that they're above the rules, above the law, that it doesn't apply to them. Think Eliot Spitzer, Tiger Woods, and a host of others whose names I don't remember but whose scandals I do. The anti-gay conservatives who are caught in homosexual hook ups. It's legislators preaching ethics who are caught taking bribes. It's each of us whenever we whisper judgmental gossip about someone privately and smile with fake friendliness when we see them. It's called hypocrisy, and it's the thing teenagers get all riled up about, usually about their parents.

That's when a wise person recognizes the danger and takes steps to counter the influence of power and success. That's why humility is such an important Christian virtue: it reminds people that the lowliest homeless person and the highest ranking politician are both still human beings and highly flawed. It's why God prefers the tax collector, who comes to God aware of his shortcomings, to the Pharisee, who is convinced of his own righteousness. It's an easy slip to make and we humans are especially prone. Humility reminds us that we are not God; only God is God.

Prayer: Dear God, Help me be watchful that I don't slip into thinking I"m doing this all on my own. I want always to remember Who's in charge. Amen.

They did not believe

1Maccabees 10:46 When Jonathon and the people heard these words, they did not believe or accept them because they remembered the great wrongs that Demetrius had done them in Israel and how much he had oppressed them.

These Maccabees -- it's just battle after battle! This little turn of events interested me, however. The Israelites have just received an amazingly generous offer from one of their enemies seeking an alliance. He wants no tribute, will free all captives and offers to pay for the rebuilding of Jerusalem. But the Jewish people don't buy it. History tells them they can't trust these honeyed words. And it turns out, they are absolutely right!

How often am I taken in by sweet words, promises about the future that don't reflect the reality of past behavior? Or just by stuff that sounds too good to be true? It's not that people can't change; they can, but it's hard and incremental, and until you can see the changes in someone's behavior, even the beginnings of changes, all the promises in the world are just smoke.

And am I guilty of the same behavior? Making promises, even with the best of intentions, that I can't deliver on? Saying what feels good, or makes me looks good, or appeases others, but not what I really mean or believe or can actually make happen? I know that I believe too easily in others' good intentions, but perhaps I also believe too easily in my own. Can I be straightforward and honest at times it would be easier just to go along with the momentum? Or do I set other people up to be exploited, or disappointed, by my too glib promises?

Prayer: Dear God, Help me discern a person's genuine capacity to follow through on their commitments. At the same time, make me more honest in my own promises and commitments. Help me resist the easy promise that doesn't fit with my actual desires or intentions. Make me fearless in speaking the truth, the truth tempered with compassion. Amen

I choose

Susanna 23 (Daniel 13:23) I choose not to do it. I will fall into your hands rather than sin in the sight of the Lord.

This short story is one that appears in the Greek translations of Daniel, but not the Hebrew ones, so it is relegated to the Apocrypha. Daniel makes an appearance at the end, which is how it gets associated with his book, and it can be placed right before Daniel (the Daniel that appears is a young man) or directly after. A short and simple story, it describes how two elders of the community lust after the beautiful Susanna and conspire to make her give in to their desire. This quote is how she replies to their threat to accuse her of adultery unless she has sex with them.

How often do I refrain from doing the right thing because I am afraid of the consequences? These elders are hoping to use Susanna's fears about being accused of adultery (a crime punishable by death) to get her to do something she knows is wrong. As I read through this verse, it was as if I knew what it was going to say. Think about it. If she gives in and sleeps with these two guys, who's to say what they'll do? Perhaps they'll keep demanding more and more of her, risking exposure for the wrong she was actually doing. Perhaps they'll betray her, like David's son Amnon did after raping his sister Tamar. Then what would she have gained? Susanna decides to remain true to God and the principles of a God-driven life. Then at least, she can bank on her own innocence in God's sight. If she gives in, she has nothing to count on. This is an example of what I would call Right Action.

I've never had to make such a decision under threat of death as Susanna does, but each day I make little decisions when potential rewards are offered for doing what I feel isn't right, even in small and seemingly insignificant ways. If I can hold onto those principles, hold onto listening to God's call even in those small ways, I can hold onto a kind of integrity of a God centered life. God within, guiding me: this is the call of integrity. As I get older, this call to integrity becomes more and more important to who I am. If I am God's, I must live the integral, whole life that God calls me to. Otherwise, what's it all about? The choice is mine, as it was Susanna's. If I choose to follow God, I will suffer (all living involves suffering) but I will be whole and out of that wholeness comes the capacity to be with my suffering and not have it destroy me. Because God will be there as well, and following his call ensures that I will know and experience His Presence. If I am broken inside, through not living according to God's call to me, if I am split in my loyalties, making decisions based on their effects in my life rather than what is True and Right, then the inevitable suffering will break me in half; I won't be able to stand it because the Source from which I draw my strength won't be so available. My access will be challenged by all the wrong choices, wrong decisions, practices that take me farther and farther apart from God.

Prayer: Dear God, I have never had to face the difficult choice Susanna does, but every day I make little choices which build on one another in an accumulation of either a strong, integrated soul or a weak split one. Guide me in my small choices so that I may stand whole before you and follow Your Call to service. Amen.