A key witness

Acts 22:15 You are to be a key witness to everyone you meet of what you've seen and heard.

I read this verse the same morning that I learned my aunt had had what appeared to be a severe stroke. She had had a stroke many months before, but the effects had turned out to be rather mild, and she had been coping well. Her convictions, however, remained the same: no extraordinary measures were to be taken to extend her life. At 91, she felt she had lived a long and fruitful life, and that health care dollars were better spent saving the lives of younger people. She had no taste for hospitals, and machines, and expensive treatments. So when she had that first stroke, and the family wasn't sure what was happening, they called 911 for guidance, and the ambulance came out to her house in rural New Hampshire. At that time, when the paramedics wanted to take her to the hospital, my cousin checked in again with his mother (she was able to minimally communicate) and confirming her intentions, that she didn't want to go to the hospital, he took the extraordinary step of sending the ambulance away. The family held vigil for several days, wondering when would be her last. Then she recovered.

It was a risky step. They say with strokes that early intervention can make the difference in terms of the severity of the stroke's effects. But J. held firm to her principles. She was a fiscal conservative, and she and I had many differences in our point of view. My brother once described her side of the family as "tea and hard toast people", a remnant of the hardscrabble life our ancestors pursued on the desolate moors of Scotland. She had many strong opinions, made no bones about them, and could argue her point forcefully; she wasn't always the easiest person to be around. Yet, when push came to shove, and it was her own mortality at stake, she didn't back down, she followed through on her beliefs fearlessly and steadfastly, right to the end.

My aunt was not a religious woman. I don't think there was much room for faith in her rational and practical world view. Still, she was not afraid of death, not afraid of the loss of ego that terrifies so many. The second stroke, which came on Mother's Day, paralyzed her on one side. Still, the family called for no intervention. She lingered for 10 days, the family supporting her choices, whether to eat or not, drink or not, and she passed away peacefully on May 19. In a world where so many hold principles only so long as it doesn't affect them personally, she never faltered at the moment of truth. In a culture rife with shameless hypocrisy, she remained true to her convictions even when they affected her at the most basic level. I stand as a witness to her principled courage in the face of every person's ultimate challenge: how do we face our death?

Prayer: Dear God, I am grateful for my aunt's presence in my life, and for the shining example she gave of courage in the face of death. She, who rarely surrendered in life, somehow had the wisdom to surrender in death. Be with her family as they learn to live without her physical presence, knowing that the living principles she imparted to them will be with them until their own ultimate surrender. Amen.

Even if he doesn't

Daniel 3:18 But even if he doesn't, it wouldn't make a bit of difference, O King. We still wouldn't serve your gods or worship the gold statue that you set up.

Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, three Israelite youth who are in captivity in Babylon, are about to be thrown into the fiery furnace. They are among the lucky ones in captivity, because they have been recognized for their intelligence and abilities, and are being educated along with the other court wise men and are fed the King's diet. They have a lot of privilege in this situation, but their dedication to the One True God, Jahweh, has not been diminished. They know God can rescue them from the fiery furnace, but they're not expecting it. They will follow God, through the fire if they must, but they will honor God above all else, and not deviate from the path they are called to.

It's humbling. I don't have much doubt what I would do if faced with a fiery furnace -- Yes, sir, where should I kneel to worship this statue of yours, these other gods you have chosen? All God asks of me really is to be faithful in small ways in the face of the minor difficulties that make up my life, to rejoice in his gifts, to follow his path and to lay my anxieties at his feet. There are no fiery furnaces, or lions and gladiators in front of me, not even some of the more serious worries of people today who are getting laid off with families to support, or losing their houses. No, there are just the every day anxieties of bills to be paid, sick relatives to attend to, trying to earn a sufficient living and doing what lies in front of me. Stories like this, humbling as they are, give me the perspective and backbone to carry on, to see what is in the glass, not just what is missing. These mornings when I feel like pulling the covers over my head and staying in bed all day, I can step out in faith and confidence that I can do the small things life has presented me with.

Prayer: Dear God, You have given me so much and what you ask is all that I have and all that I am. Give me the courage to be fully the person you are calling me to be as I address all the complexity that life offers. Amen.

A peaceful neighborhood

Isaiah 32:17-18 And where there’s right, there’ll be peace and the progeny of Right: quiet lives and endless trust. My people will live in a peaceful neighborhood—in safe houses, in quiet gardens.

There are few less peaceful neighborhoods than in the Palestinian villages and Israeli settlements of the West Bank. I recently saw a documentary called Encounter Point that follows the work of Israelis and Palestinians who have lost family members in the conflict; out of their shared grief, they have begun not only talking to each other, but also working in their own communities to change the conversation about the conflict. They try to convey the futility of the current situation, where violence begets more violence, and argue for at least a change of tactics to a nonviolent approach. Both sides run up against suspicion and dehumanization of the other in their own communities, fully justified by the opposing sides historic acts. It is a tough sell. Yet here, in these verses of Isaiah, is what seems to be the best argument: you cannot build security on oppression and injustice, and peace is the only path to peace, as violence only engenders more violence. Each of these participants could be poster children for the violent movements in their communities, but they choose instead to put aside revenge, create their own meaning for their loss and engage in the difficult path of nonviolence, hoping to spare other families, even those on the other side, the painful loss they live with every day. This is true courage, and even though few, if any, of them are ”Christian” it seems to me that they are living Christ’s message nonetheless.

Prayer: Dear God, You have given me an example of fortitude and courage in the lives of these men and women who suffer every day from the effects of violence and historic hatred. Give me the same courage to stand up for justice not just with those who agree with me, but also with those who may challenge my views, that I may be an effective witness to the world’s suffering. Amen.

Everything was as it was before

1Samuel 19:7 Jonathan sent for David and reported to him everything that was said. Then he brought David back to Saul and everything was as it was before.

Everything was as it was before, meaning, nothing had been resolved. Saul didn’t process his anger, or work through his relationship with David, or even tell David what was wrong and attempt to repair the breach. It was all just papered over with niceness, but the underlying tensions remained, ready to explode. I do this over and over again: make a superficial repair to a relationship, bury my feelings and think I can just smooth things over and pretend whatever it was never happened. This is false forgiveness. It’s not really forgiveness at all, it’s my way of avoiding confrontation with someone I care about, avoiding looking at our differences head on, avoiding having to stand up for something, myself, in the face of someone else’s displeasure, all in the name of having “good relationships”. It’s just that it doesn’t work! It’s scary, and intimate and kind of naked to stand in front of someone I love and say, “This doesn’t work for me.” I have always thought understanding solved everything, but it doesn’t because it doesn’t always get rid of the differences. And sometimes I have to take a stand against someone I care about, even though I “understand” their issues. And that requires courage.

Prayer: Dear God, You know how difficult it is for me to step forward in the face of differences with someone I love. Be with me as I negotiate my close relationships, alert me to those moments of capitulation, remind me of your love and support, and that true compassion requires honesty and forthrightness as well as understanding. Above all, give me the courage, the clarity and the compassion to speak of differences in a mutually empowering way, inviting the other to step in my shoes without demeaning their experience. Amen

Dedicated to God

Today we start the saga of the Prophet Samuel, with the story of his mother, Hannah. Eugene Peterson (The Message/Remix) says in his introduction to 1Samuel, that the stories in the Bible are "immersions into the actual business of living itself; this is what it means to be human." And there is no story more human than the story of Hannah longing for a child.
1Samuel 1:26 I prayed for this child and God gave me what I asked for. And now I have dedicated him to God. He's dedicated to God for life. 1Samuel starts with the story of Hannah, taunted for her childlessness, who prays for a child and is answered. In gratitude and thanksgiving, she offers him to be dedicated to God, serving Eli the old priest in God's Temple. Oh, but that must have been hard! Here she has her beloved child, her beautiful son, that she has longed for so fiercely, and she has to leave him at the temple. As the story unfolds, it must have been so clear to her how right that was, and she must have been proud -- and God comforts her with other children to love and care for, but how hard it must have been to walk away that first time, leaving her beloved boy behind. Hannah does this incredibly hard thing -- and it turns out to be amazing! -- but she doesn't know that here. So what difficult tasks does God call me to do? Do I embrace them and follow through regardless of the difficulty because I know God is calling me and for not other reason, or do I shy away, pretend I don't hear, postpone and procrastinate hoping I won't actually have to do it? There are lots of stories like that in the bible, too, often followed by consequences much worse than they might have been. So I wonder, do I have Hannah's courage and faithfulness to do the hard things that God calls me to do? Prayer: Dear God, I know that I am weak and cowardly and it is only through you and in you that I find my strength. Give me the clarity to recognize, the courage to confront and the faithfulness to follow through on the difficult choices you call me to that I might be led not to see you in my story, as Peterson says, but to find my story in you. Amen