Let us make a name for ourselves

1Maccabees 5:57 So they said, "let us also make a name for ourselves: let us go and make war on the gentiles around us."

1Maccabees was written in the second century B.C.E. and describes the revolt of the Jewish people under the leadership of Matathias and his five sons, the most famous of whom is Judas Maccabeus. The soldiers speaking in the above quote have been duly impressed by Judas' astonishing victories over forces five to ten times as numerous as his own. They are stirred to imitate him. Unfortunately, their intentions are way off. They are not following God, but instead seeking their own glory. As a result, they are doomed to failure.

I think I spent the first half of my life going after the glory. It wasn't fame per se, necessarily, that I was aiming for. I was never particularly ruthless in my ambition, and I imagined there would be benefits to others, but it wasn't about them, it was for me. It was to gratify that inner longing to be seen and recognized. What I didn't understand, and am now just beginning to, is that seeking one's reknown, seeking to be known by the world, seeking to be seen and acknowledged by the people around us does not lead, ultimately, to the most rewarding life. I am very impressed when I come across younger people who have already figured this out. The most rewarding life, the one that Jesus of Christianity calls us to, is to live in service to God, to seek first His Kingdom.

I am reading a wonderful book by the Quaker Richard Foster on The Freedom of Simplicity. One point he makes is that outward simplicity begins with inner simplicity and it is this call to seek God first in all things which moves us toward that inner simplicity. If I have one call, one passion, one direction, that is, to seek God's will for me, rather than my will for myself, to seek His Kingdom first and foremost, that is a point of clarification. What things are unnecessary in the light of that intention? What things lose their importance in the light of that one, sacred purpose? He talks about obedience being the avenue to develop true humility, which leads us to the Joy and Peace that Jesus promises us, that God promises us. I don't think it was an accident that the biggest achievement of my career came after I returned to my faith. And even with that grounding, achieving what I had longed for was often powerfully able to pull me off my intentions, to push my focus away from where God was calling me. It's not that we achieve perfectly our purpose; that, frankly, is impossible. It's that, as Thomas Merton says, "I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you." It's an uncertain path, leading through dark woods, but we are led by the light of faith, and in that we must find hope and contentment.

Prayer: Dear God, I have been stumbling and losing my way. The requirements of life, the needs of the world have pulled me away from reaching toward You. Help me to keep my focus clear. Give me the tools to be mindful of You and where You are calling me. Give me insight to discern where I am serving Your Purposes, and where I am not, and give me the strength to say no to all that pulls me away from Your Path. Amen.

I choose

Susanna 23 (Daniel 13:23) I choose not to do it. I will fall into your hands rather than sin in the sight of the Lord.

This short story is one that appears in the Greek translations of Daniel, but not the Hebrew ones, so it is relegated to the Apocrypha. Daniel makes an appearance at the end, which is how it gets associated with his book, and it can be placed right before Daniel (the Daniel that appears is a young man) or directly after. A short and simple story, it describes how two elders of the community lust after the beautiful Susanna and conspire to make her give in to their desire. This quote is how she replies to their threat to accuse her of adultery unless she has sex with them.

How often do I refrain from doing the right thing because I am afraid of the consequences? These elders are hoping to use Susanna's fears about being accused of adultery (a crime punishable by death) to get her to do something she knows is wrong. As I read through this verse, it was as if I knew what it was going to say. Think about it. If she gives in and sleeps with these two guys, who's to say what they'll do? Perhaps they'll keep demanding more and more of her, risking exposure for the wrong she was actually doing. Perhaps they'll betray her, like David's son Amnon did after raping his sister Tamar. Then what would she have gained? Susanna decides to remain true to God and the principles of a God-driven life. Then at least, she can bank on her own innocence in God's sight. If she gives in, she has nothing to count on. This is an example of what I would call Right Action.

I've never had to make such a decision under threat of death as Susanna does, but each day I make little decisions when potential rewards are offered for doing what I feel isn't right, even in small and seemingly insignificant ways. If I can hold onto those principles, hold onto listening to God's call even in those small ways, I can hold onto a kind of integrity of a God centered life. God within, guiding me: this is the call of integrity. As I get older, this call to integrity becomes more and more important to who I am. If I am God's, I must live the integral, whole life that God calls me to. Otherwise, what's it all about? The choice is mine, as it was Susanna's. If I choose to follow God, I will suffer (all living involves suffering) but I will be whole and out of that wholeness comes the capacity to be with my suffering and not have it destroy me. Because God will be there as well, and following his call ensures that I will know and experience His Presence. If I am broken inside, through not living according to God's call to me, if I am split in my loyalties, making decisions based on their effects in my life rather than what is True and Right, then the inevitable suffering will break me in half; I won't be able to stand it because the Source from which I draw my strength won't be so available. My access will be challenged by all the wrong choices, wrong decisions, practices that take me farther and farther apart from God.

Prayer: Dear God, I have never had to face the difficult choice Susanna does, but every day I make little choices which build on one another in an accumulation of either a strong, integrated soul or a weak split one. Guide me in my small choices so that I may stand whole before you and follow Your Call to service. Amen.

You pulled me from the grave

Jonah 2:6 I was as far down as a body can go, and the gates were slamming shut behind me forever--Yet you pulled me up from that grave alive, O GOD, my God!

If you know the story of Jonah, you can probably guess where this long prayer comes; you would say he is giving thanksgiving for his deliverance from the whale that swallowed him. If you thought that, though, you'd be wrong. This is the prayer Jonah prays while he is still inside the whale. It is a prayer of thanksgiving for deliverance before that deliverance happens. How many of us have that kind of faith? Not me. Right after it, God speaks to the fish and Jonah is thrown up onto the shore. So here you have this guy, a prophet, with the kind of faith that moves mountains and opens the mouths of whales, and yet he still thinks he can run away from God, can avoid the destiny God is calling him to. It's a conundrum to me. The problem with Jonah is that he doesn't want God to save the Ninevites, to whom he has been called to preach, because they are Israel's enemies, and he doesn't want them to receive the grace and mercy in which he knows that the God he worships abounds. When he's on his game, he's unstoppable; but when he goes against God, he'll do anything, go anywhere to avoid it, and when he is forced to go and preach, and the Ninevites do repent and God relents, his anger is as powerful as his faith.

This whole book ends with a question. God shows Jonah that Jonah changes his mind, from pleasure to pain, just because of a small vine that grows up overnight, provides him some shade, and then dies. Then God asks Jonah, can't God change his mind, too? We never get Jonah's answer. My suspicion is that he's still royally pissed off about the whole thing, that he had to be God's instrument bringing about the salvation of people he hated. It makes me wonder, what are the ways I am standing in the way of God's purposes for me because of my hatreds, or prejudices, or fears. Jonah knew God's power, knew what God wanted of him; that's why he could pray so fearlessly in the belly of the whale, telling God he would go and do what God asked, knowing God so well that his release from the whale was a done deal even before it happened. I only have an inkling of that, and only at times. If I could really see myself where God wants me to be, and I can give thanks for that, joyfully accepting the call, what new possibilities might unfold in my life? What are the fears or prejudices that get in the way, what are the ideas I carry around about what I "should" be doing that may have nothing to do with where God is calling me? How do I get down through all the layers and connect with God's true purpose for my life?

Prayer: Dear God, I think of Thomas Merton's prayer -- I believe I am on the path you call me to, but I have no way of knowing if I truly am or not. Kindle in me a fervent desire to know and follow your will. Show me the obstacles that I myself place in the path, and teach me how to overcome them. Know that my true longing is to fulfill the destiny you have ordained for me. Amen.

Pay no attention

Ecclesiasticus 34:5-6 Divinations and omens and dreams are unreal, and like a woman in labor, the mind has fantasies. Unless they are sent by intervention from the Most High, pay no attention to them.

Ay, there's the rub. Don't pay attention to your dreams, unless, that is, they are sent from God. But how do you know? How do you know what is coming from God and what is coming from your own ego? Or is just mindless chatter? Some of the accounts in the Bible suggest that some of the prophets and followers of God written about actually heard a voice from outside of themselves. There are many stories about the voice of God breaking through and confirming Jesus' sonship. I don't know about you, but I've never heard the voice of God that way, and I'm not sure I know anyone else who has either. And yet, I do believe I discern something of the way God is calling me to live, the direction God is asking me to go. So how does one do that? How does one listen for the voice of God and how do you know God is speaking to you?

Elijah discovers, in his cave, that the voice of God is not in the wind, nor the earthquake, nor the fire, but in the sound of "sheer silence" -- other translations say "a still, small voice." So, the first clue is to be still, to sit in stillness and let the stillness speak. All the contemplative practices are designed to help us discern the call of the Spirit through the clutter of our minds and the cacophony of our daily lives, but one must take the time to quiet down, to allow one's awareness to sift through all the other voices in our heads -- the voices of family and friends, the voices of the culture, and the voices of our own ego, which usually runs by a totally different set of values than our soul does. Self-preservation is the ego's primary goal. All of those things muddy the waters, but a contemplative practice like lexio divina (which is similar to what I do in these meditations), contemplative prayer, also called centering prayer or meditation, writing a sacred icon, and there are many others. In fact, almost any activity can become a contemplative practice if you approach it with awareness and a slow quiet attention. Brother Lawrence, who wrote "Practicing the Presence of God" regularly speaks of washing dishes as a contemplative experience.

Once we've slowed down, sifted through the layers of ego and the other voices competing for attention in our minds, and entered into a state of quiet inner stillness, then sometimes we can hear the voice of God. Maybe it's a voice, or maybe it's a word, or maybe it's even an image, but that is the place where we can be touched. And even then, can we really be sure? How can we really know? Thomas Merton expresses it beautifully in a well known prayer that he wrote:

My Lord God,

I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.

Nor do I really know myself, and the fact
that I think that I am following your will
does not mean that I am actually doing so.

But I believe that the desire to please you
does in fact please you.

And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.

I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.

And I know that if I do this you will lead me
through the right road though I may know
nothing about it.

Therefore, I will trust you always though I may
seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.

I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you
will never leave me to face my peril alone.

Prayer: Dear God, As I struggle to discern the path before me, help me to stay focused on my desire to please you and to do your will. Help me to trust in your divine guidance even in the midst of confusion and uncertainty. Amen.

A bunch of Liars

Jeremiah 29:9 Don’t pay any attention to the fantasies they keep coming up with to please you. They’re a bunch of liars preaching lies.

Jeremiah is speaking of the false prophets of his age, those who assuaged the fears of his countrymen by insisting that the Babylonian captivity would be short-lived, that the exiles would be returning home in one or two years, instead of the 70 God had promised. But it brings up an important question in any age: How do you tell the truth tellers – the true prophets – from the liars, the ones who just tell us what we want to hear?

In this election season it seems this question is central. As I watch all the pundits discuss our financial difficulties and analyze the two candidates – and watching the candidates themselves and how they report on each other in their speeches and their ads – it is a continual process of sifting through all the talk to try to discern what is accurate and what is inaccurate, what the situation actually is. And how do I hear the voice of God through all the clamor? This economic meltdown certainly has elements that feel like Judgment: judgment on those who put together these shaky mortgage instruments to make a buck, irresponsible buyers and the abandonment of all regulatory safeguards. And as in the ancient days of the Kingdom of Israel, the whole country is going to feel the effects of this “Judgment”. Looking back at our own situation, we can identify some who tried to warn us of the storm ahead -- these would be the true, economic prophets of our time – but going forward it’s not possible to know who’s telling the truth and who’s not because we really don’t know how things will unfold. Even the effects of the Rescue plan are not predetermined; some say it will work, others that it will help and still others tell us that it’s the wrong solution. It can be very confusing and disheartening and it’s hard to know who to believe.

It must have been like that for the Israelites, too. It’s easy to look back and say, “They should have known God would punish their disloyalty,” but they, like us, were riding high on a bubble of military superiority. They thought it would never end, just as many thought housing prices would always go up, that God was permanently in their corner, some of them right up to the day they were taken into captivity! Looked at it that way, it’s a cautionary tale I can relate to because humanity seems to keep living it out over and over again.

Prayer: Dear God, It’s tempting to feel that I know better than these ancient peoples, that I could have sidestepped their problems, but I see that human beings continue to fall into the same traps. Let that knowledge give me a humble heart and help me keep You in the forefront of my thought. Amen