Their ways are different

Esther 3:8 Haman then spoke with King Xerxes. "There is an odd set of people scattered through the provinces of your kingdom who don't fit in. Their customs and ways are different from everybody else."

These are the words that introduce a plan for genocide. This is what Hitler told Germany, although the proposed genocide is more like Rwanda than Hitler's final solution: the plan is that on a particular day the whole country will rise up and murder all the Jews they can find. It's actually sent out as a proclamation! There are two assumptions buried here, which form the faulty logic that provides the foundation for actions such as these. The first assumption is that "we" are all alike, or at least more alike than we are different from "them." You only have to look at families to see the falsity of that assumption. Totally monocultural families still often have differences in them that tear them apart. Think of wealthy families who come apart at the seams when a key person dies as they fight over the spoils. Look at the very beginnings of the human family, as the Bible describes it: the story of Cain and Abel. There was difference enough here to provide the basis for murder. We get into the same problem when we talk about sex differences. When we say things about large groups, it tends to emphasize differences between groups, and minimizes differences within groups, but there are probably more differences between individual men then there are differences between the large group called "men" and the large group called "women", and you could say the same about the female half of the species. Each of us is unique. That necessitates differences between each one of us, and you can't eliminate that without making us all the same. Uniqueness is the gift of our personalities and the particular array of qualities and abilities that make us who we are; it is embodied in our ego-consciousness. My friend Ron likes to say that ego, in this sense, is a gift of the spirit, but that it tends to get out of hand.

The second assumption, though, is even more fallacious, yet it is a belief that is probably widely held. That assumption is that it is "difference" that is the problem, the reason that we "can't get along" as Rodney King so famously intoned. Take couples. It is often assumed that the more you have in common -- i.e. the less difference between you -- that the better and stronger a foundation you have for the marriage. Current research shows, however, that it is not the amount of difference that matters; it is how the couple deals with their differences, how they talk across those differences, that makes a difference in whether they succeed or fail at establishing their relationship. Are they respectful and courteous with one another, or are they judgmental and critical? Are they available to their partner, or do they stonewall and withdraw? Does each partner need the other to share their perspective in order to feel validated? Or can we view each other with honor and respect, recognize what is different and still feel grounded in our own point of view?

These two assumptions are still used to stir up fear and hatred. People who are "different" must be wrong, otherwise I would be wrong and that thought is intolerable. So we find at the base of this whole issue is some level of uncertainty with who I am. Am I okay if no one agrees with me, or I do things differently? We are social creatures, it is natural to look to our interpersonal context to get a reflection of who we are, but if we, as children, get the respect we need for our differences, we can grow up confident even in a very diverse world. And the very basis of that acceptance and respect is the fact that each of us is a loved child of God, whether we know it or not. The prayer that Jesus gave us starts, "Our father" not "My father". I heard of a very interesting exercise on those two words. The attendees at a retreat were invited to go out and notice the people who felt most different, those that make us say "Thank God I'm not like them!", those that give us the willies. They were to look at those people and say these two words, "Our father" and remember that that person, that really out there human being, is my brother or sister. Those two words, lived out in faith and love, can do away with the fear and hatred that makes the idea of "difference" such a lightning rod for violence.

Prayer: Dear God, I know there are many of your children that I reject in my heart. I also know that You love them. I pray that through Christ my heart may expand as He continues His work in me, until I see all human beings as your children, no matter what their estate, their background, their color, their qualities, their religion or ideologies. Amen.