A Changed Man

Genesis 44:34 How can I go back to my father if the boy is not with me? Oh, don’t make me go back and watch my father die in grief!

Judah is a changed man. Gone is the jealous older brother who conspired to sell Joseph to the passing caravan, without a thought for his father’s grief. What has happened to him? First of all, he has had sons of his own. The first died, and when he gave his second son to the widow, he died also. It was the right of a widow to marry the brother of her dead husband, so she could have a son in the dead man’s name to carry on his line. Without such an heir, she would be destitute. But Judah hesitated giving his third, and last, son to Tamar, his son’s widow. She tricked him, however, and got him to admit that he was wrong.

So how do I think these events change Judah? First of all, he has experienced the sorrow of loss, losing not one but two sons. That grief pierced his heart deeply, so much so that he didn’t want to follow the traditions of his people and risk another loss. Secondly, he has been humbled, and by a woman no less. Grief and humility are good antidotes for pride and jealousy. So, life has softened his heart.

When I look back at my life, I realize that it is the broken parts of my life that have made me who I am, not the successes. I don’t mean to say that I discount the successes, or don’t honor them, but success doesn’t change us the way a reckoning with loss and humility does. Stephen Levine, who talks to a lot of dying people, asked some children with various cancers this question: If you could be completely cured of your cancer, but you had to go back to being the person you were before you got the cancer, would you do it? Mind you, some of these children were facing death, and granted, it is a hypothetical question, but they all said no. They recognized that cancer had made them understand life in a way they hadn’t before. Many spoke of having more empathy with kids who were teased for being outside the mainstream, because cancer had put them in the margins among their peers. Life can really put your through your paces, and while it isn’t usually pleasant, if one is honest, one can see that these experiences, perhaps because of their difficulty, have the capacity to change our character for the better.

Prayer: Dear God, I thank you for all those difficult experiences I have gone through, which you have used to teach me about love and life and what is important. Help me remember that perspective even when things are going well, that I may be filled with compassion for others’ suffering and less protective of my own good fortune. Amen.