He put his house in order

2Samuel 17:23 When Ahithophel realized that his counsel was not followed, he saddled his donkey and left for his hometown. After making out his will and putting his house in order, he hanged himself and died. He was buried in the family tomb.

When this verse leapt out at me, I thought, “Oh, no, I don’t want to talk about suicide.” But somehow it wouldn’t let me go, and here is where my thinking took me. This is not a rash, impulsive act. He puts his house in order, does his best to take care of those that will be left behind, and then kills himself. I could say a lot about the culture of the time, based on shame and honor. Ahithophel was advisor to Absalom, the declared king, the top advisor, and to recognize that he had been replaced must have been an extreme loss of honor. Today, we might view this differently. Our culture values what people do, especially men, especially privileged men in middle age, whose work is supposed to be carrying our society. Their entire identity is wrapped up in what they do, and if they stop being able to do, it can stir feelings of hopelessness, uselessness and worthlessness, leading to a profound despair. Who are they if they are not performing the functions of their job? That attitude, that you are what you do, is catching; as children grow up, they learn they are valued more and more by what they achieve, and less and less by who they are. As women enter the workforce in greater and greater numbers, they, too, get caught up in this false identification with doing. God tells us a different story, a different way to look at who we are. God loves us, each one of us, exactly as we are, accepts us fully without our having to do anything. There is nothing we can do to merit God’s love, it is given to us by grace. All God wants is for us to love and honor God the way that God loves and honors us.

Prayer: Dear God, I know there are many in our society who struggle with feelings of despair, who measure themselves by what they can do, and always come up short. Shower them with your divine grace, that they may see their value through your eyes, and come to know themselves as beloved and cherished members of our human community. Amen.