I choose

Susanna 23 (Daniel 13:23) I choose not to do it. I will fall into your hands rather than sin in the sight of the Lord.

This short story is one that appears in the Greek translations of Daniel, but not the Hebrew ones, so it is relegated to the Apocrypha. Daniel makes an appearance at the end, which is how it gets associated with his book, and it can be placed right before Daniel (the Daniel that appears is a young man) or directly after. A short and simple story, it describes how two elders of the community lust after the beautiful Susanna and conspire to make her give in to their desire. This quote is how she replies to their threat to accuse her of adultery unless she has sex with them.

How often do I refrain from doing the right thing because I am afraid of the consequences? These elders are hoping to use Susanna's fears about being accused of adultery (a crime punishable by death) to get her to do something she knows is wrong. As I read through this verse, it was as if I knew what it was going to say. Think about it. If she gives in and sleeps with these two guys, who's to say what they'll do? Perhaps they'll keep demanding more and more of her, risking exposure for the wrong she was actually doing. Perhaps they'll betray her, like David's son Amnon did after raping his sister Tamar. Then what would she have gained? Susanna decides to remain true to God and the principles of a God-driven life. Then at least, she can bank on her own innocence in God's sight. If she gives in, she has nothing to count on. This is an example of what I would call Right Action.

I've never had to make such a decision under threat of death as Susanna does, but each day I make little decisions when potential rewards are offered for doing what I feel isn't right, even in small and seemingly insignificant ways. If I can hold onto those principles, hold onto listening to God's call even in those small ways, I can hold onto a kind of integrity of a God centered life. God within, guiding me: this is the call of integrity. As I get older, this call to integrity becomes more and more important to who I am. If I am God's, I must live the integral, whole life that God calls me to. Otherwise, what's it all about? The choice is mine, as it was Susanna's. If I choose to follow God, I will suffer (all living involves suffering) but I will be whole and out of that wholeness comes the capacity to be with my suffering and not have it destroy me. Because God will be there as well, and following his call ensures that I will know and experience His Presence. If I am broken inside, through not living according to God's call to me, if I am split in my loyalties, making decisions based on their effects in my life rather than what is True and Right, then the inevitable suffering will break me in half; I won't be able to stand it because the Source from which I draw my strength won't be so available. My access will be challenged by all the wrong choices, wrong decisions, practices that take me farther and farther apart from God.

Prayer: Dear God, I have never had to face the difficult choice Susanna does, but every day I make little choices which build on one another in an accumulation of either a strong, integrated soul or a weak split one. Guide me in my small choices so that I may stand whole before you and follow Your Call to service. Amen.