Rebekah loved Jacob

Genesis 25:28 Isaac loved Esau because he loved his game, but Rebekah loved Jacob.

What is it that makes a parent love one child more than another? Isaac’s was a utilitarian love; he loved Esau’s game, so he loved Esau. But Rebekah loved Jacob, with no explanation. It suggests a wild, unreasoning love, a love born of tenderness and care. Jacob was also a quiet man, who loved the tents, whereas Esau was a more traditional male, a big game hunter. Did Rebekah love Jacob because of his quieter, more reflective nature? Because he stayed close to his mother? Isaac, also, was very close to his mother, so you could say that we have two patriarchs who are what some might call “Momma’s boys”. I know that there was a time – the 70’s perhaps – when feminists worried about how they would raise their sons. Do I stand against the culture, “feminize” him (that is allow him his softer, gentler side) and set him up for teasing and humiliation at other boys’ hands? Or do I support this notion of maleness that is so destructive in our world, the warrior, the tough guy, the unrepentant stoic? I chose to raise my son in a relationship, with all the ambiguities, compromises and balancing that goes on to support both people in maintaining connection. I think that, so far, it is serving him well, and he is also a quiet man, who is close to his mother. With only the one child, I don’t know anything about loving one’s own children differently.

But Rebekah loved Jacob, with a certain wildness and abandon. She plots and schemes to get Jacob the blessing of the firstborn, instead of its rightful heir, Esau. And even though God has told her that the older son will bow down to the younger son, does that justify the fraud she perpetrates on her old, nearly blind husband? Is she cleverly making sure God’s prophecy is fulfilled, or is she taking action that is only generously redeemed by God’s grace? What does love call us to do for our children, and what do we need to let them do themselves? And when does love call us to do something reckless, wrong, that we must resist? We don’t hear from Rebekah again, so perhaps that was the cost of what she did: to be separated from the child she loved.

No answers today, only questions. When is it the call of God and when is it our own vaulting ambition? When does love call us to leave the path of God, and when is it a tightly woven part of that path? When does love of another come at the expense of love of God? Sometimes scripture doesn’t lay it all out clearly, but calls us to a consideration of ambiguity, complexity, paradox. And so, in the words of Rilke, we must live the questions.

Prayer: Dear God, It is difficult when your guidance is not clear and clean. Love is powered by your spirit, but love can pull us off the track if it is not aligned with your purposes and your statutes. Help me discern, as I walk the path of love, your hand in all I do, that the love I share and the love I express reflect the true love you hold for the world and all your creation. Amen