1Samuel 19:7 Jonathan sent for David and reported to him everything that was said. Then he brought David back to Saul and everything was as it was before.
Everything was as it was before, meaning, nothing had been resolved. Saul didn’t process his anger, or work through his relationship with David, or even tell David what was wrong and attempt to repair the breach. It was all just papered over with niceness, but the underlying tensions remained, ready to explode. I do this over and over again: make a superficial repair to a relationship, bury my feelings and think I can just smooth things over and pretend whatever it was never happened. This is false forgiveness. It’s not really forgiveness at all, it’s my way of avoiding confrontation with someone I care about, avoiding looking at our differences head on, avoiding having to stand up for something, myself, in the face of someone else’s displeasure, all in the name of having “good relationships”. It’s just that it doesn’t work! It’s scary, and intimate and kind of naked to stand in front of someone I love and say, “This doesn’t work for me.” I have always thought understanding solved everything, but it doesn’t because it doesn’t always get rid of the differences. And sometimes I have to take a stand against someone I care about, even though I “understand” their issues. And that requires courage.
Prayer: Dear God, You know how difficult it is for me to step forward in the face of differences with someone I love. Be with me as I negotiate my close relationships, alert me to those moments of capitulation, remind me of your love and support, and that true compassion requires honesty and forthrightness as well as understanding. Above all, give me the courage, the clarity and the compassion to speak of differences in a mutually empowering way, inviting the other to step in my shoes without demeaning their experience. Amen
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